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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23856643">something to carry</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Softlight/pseuds/Softlight'>Softlight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RWBY</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, it might just take a bit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:49:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>51,811</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23856643</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Softlight/pseuds/Softlight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“But love was always something heavy for me.  Something I had to carry” -Benjamin Alire Sáenz</p><p>She knew what everyone said, that soulmates didn’t mean marriage or romance or love or anything beyond a possibility.  That’s all soulmates were, a possibility.  Some people’s soulmates were their best friend, some were their spouses, some were nothing to each other at all, but Blake didn’t care if it was romance or friendship because she had a soulmate!  Somewhere out there, she had a soulmate.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long, Neptune Vasilias/Sun Wukong, Penny Polendina/Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>384</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>576</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Welcome to my soulmate au!  I promise a happy ending for the bees.  Can't have a rainbow without a little rain, after all.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Blake woke up to a burning coldness at her hip.  She scrambled to get the covers off of her, peeling back the edge of her pajama bottoms and the hem of her top to get a good look.  There was a perfect circle of black laying on top of her hip, roughly the size of her hands when clasped together.  Blake sucked in a breath.</p>
<p>The cold faded almost as quickly as it had come, but the circle remained.  Her fingers crossed her belly to gently poke it.  It <em> felt </em> like her skin.  It was soft and yielding like her skin.  But it was a perfect circle of ink on her hip.  She traced the circumference with her fingertip, a chill going through her as she did.   Blake looked at her fingertip.  No blackness had transferred.  It was real.  </p>
<p>She sat up and got out of bed, moving for her mirror.  She looked at herself, the black sharp against her skin in the early morning sunlight.  Her heart skipped a beat.  She had a soulmate.  <em> She </em> had a soulmate.  Blake Belladonna had a soulmate.  </p>
<p>A sudden giddiness struck her, and she covered her mouth to keep from giggling.  She felt like such a child, like a naive little kid, but she, of all people, had a soulmate.  She had another half.  A best friend, even.  </p>
<p>She knew what everyone said, that soulmates didn’t mean marriage or romance or love or anything beyond a <em> possibility </em> .  That’s all soulmates were, a possibility.  Some people’s soulmates were their best friend, some were their spouses, some were nothing to each other at all, but Blake didn’t care if it was romance or friendship because <em> she had a soulmate</em>!  Somewhere out there, she had a soulmate.</p>
<p>Blake let the hem of her shirt fall back down, covering up the black spot on her hip.  She couldn’t go back to bed now, even if the sun hadn’t fully risen yet.  She quickly made her bed and got changed into the new blouse her mom had bought her a few weeks ago, the white material not quite opaque enough to hide her soulmark, but she didn’t care.  She took a final look in the mirror and shivered.  </p>
<p>She practically skipped down the stairs into the kitchen and started a pot of tea.  It was too early to wake her parents up, even though she knew that they were dying to know if she would get a soulmark.  Her parents were soulmates, and Blake had never seen anyone more in love than them.  It was embarrassing sometimes, how much they loved each other, but they loved her so much, it was hard to stay embarrassed for long.</p>
<p>Blake sipped at her tea, still a little too hot, but it quelled some of the nervous excitement in her chest.  She wondered what they would be like.  Were they thirteen yet?  Did they know they had a soulmate?  Her parents had been lucky, they had known each other for years and not even hours after her father had turned thirteen, her mother had touched him, and they’d known.</p>
<p>Her father bore a golden belladonna flower that shined in the light for her mother on his left shoulder, and her mother had a dark purple panther circling her left shoulder.  They normally kept their marks hidden, but Blake had seen them plenty of times.  She had often wondered as a little kid if she had a soulmate what their mark would be for her.  She hadn’t thought about it in years.  </p>
<p>Whatever it was, it was supposed to be perfect.  </p>
<p>She wondered what the dark spot on her hip would turn into.  She wondered when she would meet her soulmate.  She wondered if she would even get to meet them.  It was uncommon, but some soulmates never met, and the dark spots stayed inky and obscured their real marks forever.  Those stories always broke her heart, but she could never figure out why.</p>
<p>It wasn’t like one had to have a soulmate to be happy.  Soulmarks were in the minority of the population, almost like left handedness, and plenty of people fell in love without soulmarks.  But the thought of having a soulmark and never meeting that person made her heart ache.  Some soulmates didn’t work out, but wasn’t it better to try and fail than to never meet them at all?</p>
<p>“What are you doing up so early?”  Blake turned in her chair, her mother leaning in the doorway.  “I thought you’d stay in bed, my little teenager.”</p>
<p>Blake rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help the excitement that still coursed through her system.  “Just because I’m a teenager now doesn’t mean I’ll suddenly start sleeping until noon like Sun.”</p>
<p>Kali laughed, pouring herself a mug of the still steaming tea.  “That boy sleeps entirely too much.”  She sat down next to Blake, eyes soft.  “Did you sleep alright?”</p>
<p>She nodded, biting her lip.  “I didn’t mean to get up this early,” she said.  “I woke up because, well, because I got a soulmark.”  She smiled nervously at her mother, cradling her mug in her lap.  </p>
<p>Kali’s face broke out into a grin, and she quickly embraced Blake.  She sighed into her mother’s arms.  “Oh, that’s wonderful!” her mother said, stroking her hair.  Kali squeezed tight before releasing.  “Where is it?”</p>
<p>Blake lifted the hem of her shirt, showing her mother the dark outline.  “My hip.”</p>
<p>“That’s a good spot.  Nice and private.”</p>
<p>“Mom!”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Blake rolled her eyes.  “No one cares about stuff like that anymore.”</p>
<p>“Still, you shouldn’t show it off.  It’s for you and your soulmate.”  Kali’s eyes sparkled.  “Oh, my baby girl has a soulmate!”  She put her hand on Blake’s shoulder.  “If they hurt you, I will break their arms.”</p>
<p>“Mom!”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I haven’t even met them yet, and you’re already threatening them?”</p>
<p>Kali pressed a kiss to her forehead.  “Gotta protect my baby girl.”  Blake rolled her eyes again, but she couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips.  “This is so exciting.  I am so happy for you.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Mom.”  Blake pushed her hair behind her ears.  “What was it like?  When you and Dad touched for the first time?”  Kali had told Blake countless times, but it had never seemed more important to her to hear.  </p>
<p>Her mother sighed, taking a sip of her tea.  “Well, I had already had my soulmark for a few months when your father turned thirteen.  But I’d known, in my heart of hearts, that your father was the one for me.”</p>
<p>“Even before you got your mark?”</p>
<p>“Even before that.  He was sweet, and I knew I was going to marry him one day.”  Kali smiled.  “He was having his birthday party on his birthday at the beach.  I remember, he was wearing a shirt, which he hated doing, and I handed him his present.”</p>
<p>“And then what happened?”</p>
<p>“It felt like something was nuzzling my shoulder,” Kali said.  “It was warm and soft, but so much more than that.  I’d never felt anything like it before.”</p>
<p>“But you still feel it whenever you touch Dad’s soulmark now, right?  Or when Dad touches yours?”</p>
<p>Kali nodded.  “That’s right.  And it’s a wonderful feeling, Blake.  Imagine your heart is so full.”  Blake tried, she really did.  But she knew that her imagination would fail her in comparison to the real thing.  “And we both knew.  We looked into each other’s eyes, and we grinned at each other, and he took off his shirt-”</p>
<p>“Mom!”</p>
<p>“To show me his mark,” Kali finished.  “And there was the golden belladonna flower.  It was beautiful, and I had to see mine.  I showed him my shoulder, and I remember, someone tried to make fun of your father for having a flower.”</p>
<p>“Did Dad kick their ass?”</p>
<p>“No, I did.”  Kali tucked a stray hair behind Blake’s ear.  “Watch your language, though.”  But Kali’s eyes went distant.  “I thought he would hate having a flower for a soulmark, but I still remember how he looked when he saw it for the first.”</p>
<p>“What did he look like?” she pushed, even though she had asked countless times.</p>
<p>Kali smiled.  “Like he was staring at the whole world.”</p>
<p>Her mother always said that, but the words had never quite reverberated like they did now.  Blake shivered as her skin prickled.  She stared at her hip.  “Do you think I’ll meet my soulmate?” she asked softly.</p>
<p>Kali reached for her hands.  “You will meet someone who will love you, Blake.  Someone who will be your best friend.”  Her mother squeezed her hands.  “You’ll be happy, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>Blake nodded, and some of the tension in her chest eased.  She noticed that her mother hadn’t answered her question, but she didn’t care.  “How can you be sure?” she asked.</p>
<p>Her mother kissed her brow.  “Because you’re my daughter, and you deserve it.  You deserve someone who will love you.  If that’s what you want.”  Her mother’s eyes softened.  “You’ll be happy, sweetheart.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I felt I couldn't post just one chapter today, so enjoy a double chapter to start off!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Dad?” Yang asked, jumping up to sit on the counter.  </p>
<p>“Mhm?”</p>
<p>“When do you think I’ll meet my soulmate?”  She sucked in a breath and waited.</p>
<p>Taiyang stilled, then chuckled.  “Why’re you asking?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.  Just curious.”  She swung her legs against the cabinets.  “So when do you think I’ll meet them?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, kiddo.  Could be tomorrow, could be years.”</p>
<p>“Daaad,” she groaned, crossing her arms.  “Be serious.”</p>
<p>“I am!  You can meet them at any time.”</p>
<p>“But when do <em> you </em> think I’ll meet them?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.  Hopefully after you graduate.”</p>
<p>“Dad!”</p>
<p>Taiyang shrugged.  “What?  Can’t a father want his daughter to focus on her education?”  He wagged his wooden spoon, which was covered in pasta sauce, at her.  She shielded herself from the red droplets, sending him a glare as it landed on her forearm.  “What brings all this up?”</p>
<p>It was Yang’s turn to shrug now.  “There was a new girl in our class today, and she and Jaune touched, and they were soulmates.”  Jaune had been tripping over his own feet at lunch, and Pyrrha had caught him, and the black spot that had been on Jaune’s hand for a year turned into a laurel, and Pyrrha’s had turned into a shield.  “They just met, and we’ve barely had our marks for a year, and they already know who their soulmate is!”</p>
<p>“Ahh, I see.  You’re jealous.”</p>
<p>“I am not!” she huffed.  “But could you blame me if I was?”  Her legs continued to swing against the cabinets, bouncing off the wood.  “It’s not fair.”</p>
<p>“Honey,” Taiyang began, and Yang groaned.  </p>
<p>“Yes, I <em> know </em> that not everyone who has a soulmate meets them, and I <em> know </em> that just because you meet your soulmate it doesn’t mean you’ll end up together or that it will work out, but <em> come on</em>!  Who wouldn’t want to at least meet their soulmate?  The anticipation is killing me.”  Taiyang had told her enough that he didn’t regret meeting her mom.  She wondered if he wished he did.  </p>
<p>Taiyang sighed.  “You’re too young to be thinking about dating.”</p>
<p>“Not dating, Dad, jeez!”  She cleared her throat.  “But I don’t know.  Maybe I want a friend, or something.”</p>
<p>“You have friends, Yang.  They’re over every weekend.”</p>
<p>“But I’m curious!  How can I not be curious?” she demanded.  “I want to know who the universe or whatever it is thinks is my perfect match.”</p>
<p>“Brothers above, Yang, you’re fourteen.  Most soulmates are just friends.”</p>
<p>“Actually, statistically speaking, most soulmates are happily married,” Yang corrected.  “Well, they’re married, at least.”</p>
<p>“You’re fourteen.  You’re not getting married.”  Taiyang turned around and put his hand on his hip.  His face softened.  “Kiddo, you’ll meet them when you’ll meet them.  There’s nothing you can do about it that’ll bring you together sooner.”</p>
<p>Yang rolled her eyes.  “I just want to know.”</p>
<p>“You will,” he assured.  </p>
<p>“How do you know?” she asked.  “What if I don’t meet my soulmate ever?  What if I meet them when I’m already married?  What if-”</p>
<p>“Again, fourteen, not getting married anytime soon.”  Taiyang gave her a smile.  “And I have a good feeling about your soulmate.”</p>
<p>“Oh, a good feeling, huh?”</p>
<p>“Yup.”  Taiyang leaned in close and poked Yang’s nose.  “You’re gonna meet them after you graduate.”</p>
<p>“Dad, I’m on track to be valedictorian.  Why are you so worried about me graduating?”</p>
<p>“Because that’s what parents do.  We worry.”  He ruffled her hair, which he knew she hated.  Yang swatted at him, but she was laughing.  “But I have a good feeling, Yangster.  You’ll meet your soulmate.”</p>
<p>Yang sighed, brushing her hair behind her ear.  “What was it like when you met my mother?” she asked quietly.  </p>
<p>Taiyang sighed.  “Yang-”</p>
<p>“I know, I know.  But I wanna know.”  She looked up.  “Please?”</p>
<p>Taiyang’s shoulders slumped, but he leaned against the opposite counter.  “She was eighteen, and I was seventeen.  She was fighting with your uncle Qrow, per usual, I would later learn.”  A smile flickered on his face before dying out.  “I tried to separate them, because they were yelling, and your mother got all up in my face.  We somehow brushed up against each other in the scuffle, and the next thing I knew, my neck was fluttering.”</p>
<p>“Fluttering?”</p>
<p>“It felt like someone had brushed feathers over my skin,” Taiyang explained.  “But it felt right.”  He shook his head.  “And you know the rest.”</p>
<p>“You know I don’t,” she pointed out, but she sighed.  Yang took a look at the red eyed raven on her father’s neck.  She wasn’t sure how he could stand it on his skin after everything, how he didn’t regret Raven.  “What was my mother’s soulmark?”</p>
<p>“A dragon.  A bright yellow and gold dragon.”  A smile lifted the corners of his lips. </p>
<p>“Do you have any pictures?” Yang pressed.</p>
<p>But Taiyang shook his head.  “Nope.  You’ve seen all the ones I got.”  Her mother always had her neck covered in those pictures.  Always.  It made something burn in Yang’s stomach, made her taste ashes in her mouth.  “Did you finish all your homework?”</p>
<p>Yang nodded.  “But I can get started on my essay that’s due next week,” she said lamely, recognizing a dismissal when she saw one.  </p>
<p>“Alright.  Dinner’ll be ready in an hour.”</p>
<p>Yang pushed herself off the counter.  “I’ll be upstairs!” she called, taking the steps two at a time.  She went to her room and pulled her books out of her bag.  By the time she got settled and had her papers in order, there was a knock on her door, and then the door burst open.</p>
<p>“Did you hear?” Ruby squealed.  “Jaune met his soulmate!”</p>
<p>Yang turned in her chair, leaning back as she did.  “Yup, I was there, Ruby,” she said, raising her brow.  </p>
<p>“How do you always know <em> everything</em>?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m awesome.  Duh.”</p>
<p>Ruby flopped on Yang’s bed, not bothering to shut the door.  Yang swiveled over to the door and shut it before pushing herself back to her desk.  </p>
<p>“But did you know that his soulmate’s name is Pyrrha, she’s transferred from Argus, and she likes rugby?”</p>
<p>“Ruby, Jaune and I are in the same class, so Pyrrha and I are in the same class.”</p>
<p>“Riiight.”  Ruby tucked Yang’s pillow under her chin.  “I’m so excited for him!  She seems really nice.  She dropped by robotics today, and she even said she might join!”</p>
<p>“And bring our club up from seven to eight.  That would be good.”  Yang stretched her shoulders, bringing her arms above her head.  She spun around in her chair to face her sister.  “How was the meeting today?”</p>
<p>“Good!  Gosh, I cannot wait for volleyball to end, Yang, it is so hard running a club all by myself.”</p>
<p>“Ruby, you’re not running the club, Penny is running the club.”</p>
<p>Ruby sniffed.  “Yeah, but I’m the vice president’s vice president!  So I have a lot to do when you’re not there, you know.”</p>
<p>“I don’t doubt it.  How is our little friend coming along?”  </p>
<p>“Horatio is coming along really well!” Ruby chirped.</p>
<p>“Who named him this week?”</p>
<p>“Ren, duh.  I think it’s Nora’s turn next week.”</p>
<p>“By the time competition comes, we’re going to have way too many options.”</p>
<p>Ruby shrugged.  “Worst comes to worst, we call him our little friend.  Or Olf, for short!”  Ruby bounced on her bed, turning onto her back.  “Pyrrha seems really good with the metal, too!  Although she kept accidentally magnetizing stuff.”</p>
<p>“How did she do that?”</p>
<p>“Dinner!” Taiyang called before Ruby could answer.  They ran down the stairs and sat at the table.  Ruby had already set the table, and it was Yang’s turn to clean it tonight.  Taiyang put the big bowl of pasta down in front of them, and Yang started salivating.  Ruby’s eyes were as wide as saucers, and she couldn’t help but smile at her sister’s face.</p>
<p>“Smells delicious, Dad,” Yang said, helping herself to a heaping pile.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“‘S ‘eally ‘ood, ‘ad!” Ruby said through the mouthful of pasta already in her mouth.</p>
<p>Yang wrinkled her nose.  “Gross.”  Ruby stuck her tongue out at her, and Yang stuck her tongue out right back.</p>
<p>“Girls, not at the dinner table,” Taiyang warned, but there was a lightness to his voice.  Still, Yang relented and dug into her bowl.  “Does anyone have anything they’d like to share with the table?”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “We won our game today,” she said, spinning the spaghetti onto her fork.  “If we keep this up, we might win our bracket.”</p>
<p>“Nice!  Is it still okay if we all come on Thursday?” Ruby asked.  “Everyone is super excited.”</p>
<p>She nodded.  “Yup.  Coach was excited that we’re going to have spectators.”  She grinned.  “She already wants to recruit Pyrrha for next season.”</p>
<p>“You can’t take away all of the robotics club!” Ruby groaned.  “First Nora, now Pyrrha?  That’s not fair.”</p>
<p>“All’s fair in love and war,” she said.  “And volleyball.  All’s fair in love and war and volleyball.”</p>
<p>“What is your tiny friend’s name this week?” Taiyang asked.</p>
<p>“Dad, it’s our little friend, and his name is Horatio!” Ruby corrected.</p>
<p>“Little, tiny, potato, potato.”</p>
<p>“Horatio is very offended.  He is not tiny!”</p>
<p>Yang hid her smirk with a drink of her water as they continued to argue.  Her hand drifted to her hip, and she gently brushed her thumb over where she knew her soulmark was.  She wondered what her soulmate was doing right now.</p>
<p>Were they also eating dinner with their family?  Imagine if they were also eating pasta, that would be crazy!  She wondered where they lived.  Obviously not in Patch, she had met everyone there, but somewhere else.  Somewhere cool.  Would they like robotics?  Would they like volleyball?  Would they like <em> her</em>?</p>
<p>“Yoohoo, Yang!”  Taiyang waved in her face, bringing her back to reality.</p>
<p>“Huh?  Sorry, got lost in thought.  This essay, man,” she said, shifting up.  Taiyang nodded, but Yang could see he didn’t quite believe her.  Yang cleared her throat and helped herself to some more pasta.  “What were you guys saying?”  </p>
<p>“Just talking about what a dork you are.”  Ruby grinned.</p>
<p>“And it’s so sweet that you’re following in my footsteps.”  Yang smirked.  </p>
<p>“Hey!”</p>
<p>“Four words, Ruby: vice president’s vice president.”  </p>
<p>Ruby crossed her arms and huffed.  “You’ll be thankful for my contribution!” she threatened.  “Without me, this club wouldn’t run!”</p>
<p>Yang laughed.  “We ran without you for a whole year,” she pointed out.</p>
<p>“But I’ve made myself indepisensible!”</p>
<p>“Fair enough,” she ceded.  “You are very helpful.”  While Yang prefered working with cars and bikes, Ruby had always loved machines and robots.  Her sister was good at the smaller details.</p>
<p>Ruby beamed at her, and Yang smiled back.  She took a deep breath and spun her pasta around her fork.  She had to be patient, like Dad said.  She would just have to wait.</p>
<p>That wouldn’t keep her from wishing, though. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed!  Next chapter should be up in the next few days, probably on Tuesday, if I manage to have the self control to wait until then.  ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome back, everybody!  Good to see you.<br/>Trigger Warnings: underage drinking, allusions to sexual content, manipulation</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Do you have a soulmate?” Blake asked, legs dangling over the pier.  One hand was wrapped around a half-melted slushie, and the other was bracing herself against the wooden planks.  She could still hear the sounds of Ilia and Sun and Neptune all hanging out back on the beach, but she kept her voice soft.  She had invited Adam to their end of the school year party, not daring to hope that he would actually come, but there he was.  After months of partnered work in math, after months of trying not to get caught staring at him, he was there, he was with her.  They were there together.  </p>
<p>“No.  Do you?” Adam asked.  </p>
<p>For the first time ever, she wanted to lie.  “Yeah.  Yeah, I do.”  </p>
<p>“That sucks.”</p>
<p>Blake turned to look at him, uncertainty flickering through her features.  “What do you mean?” she asked, brow furrowed.  </p>
<p>Adam shrugged.  “Just seems like such horseshit.”  He waved his drink around, the bright red ice bumping up against the clear sides.  “What’s the point of having a soulmate?  Isn’t it better to pick for yourself?  What does the universe or whatever know?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.  My parents are soulmates, and they seem pretty happy.”  </p>
<p>“Yeah, but if they weren’t soulmates, would they have ended up together?”</p>
<p>Blake shrugged, taking a sip of her slushie.  “Probably.  They were really close as kids.”</p>
<p>“So why does it matter that they’re soulmates?” he argued.  “It’s just ridiculous.”</p>
<p>She stared at the water below her feet, the white foam of the waves spraying her bare toes.  “I don’t know, I always thought it was nice,” she said.  “Someone that’s supposed to get you from the start.  And it doesn’t have to be romantic, you know.  Some soulmates just stay friends.”</p>
<p>“Would you want that, though?” he asked, turning to look at her.  Blake kept her gaze focused on the water.  </p>
<p>“I mean, I haven’t even met my soulmate yet,” she said, swinging her legs.  “Most people don’t meet their soulmate til their twenties, anyways.  I have plenty of time to figure out what I want from them.”  It sounded callous, cruel, even to her own ears.  Before she could take it back, Adam spoke.</p>
<p>“Exactly.  You have plenty of time.”  He shifted closer.  “Blake.”  She looked up at him.  His blue eyes were soft and piercing.  “Why not spend that time with someone who picks you, rather than waiting for someone who was picked for you?”</p>
<p>Blake lowered her eyes, blushing.  “Are you saying you would pick me, then?” she asked, voice light and teasing.  </p>
<p>“Yeah.  I am.”  He cupped her cheek, brushing her hair behind her ear.  “You’re so beautiful.”</p>
<p>She wasn’t sure if she was breathing.  She was staring at his lip.  They looked soft, even if they were stained cherry red by his slushie.  Blake wondered if he tasted like the sickly sweet syrup.  She leaned in, scooching closer as she did.  “Adam, I-”</p>
<p>His mouth was on hers before she could finish speaking.  Blake’s eyes widened, but she closed them soon enough as she leaned into the kiss.  He did taste like cherries, even if his mouth was sticky with the sweetness of the slushie.  </p>
<p>They broke apart, but Adam kept his hand on her cheek.  His eyes were bright in the moonlight.  She could feel the blush spreading across her cheeks and up to the tips of her ears, but she didn’t dare lean away from his touch.  </p>
<p>“I’d like to take you out sometime,” he said suddenly.  “Get dinner, go see a movie.”  He raised his brows.  “Without the peanut gallery watching us.”  Indeed, Blake could no longer hear her friends partying, and she could feel their gazes on them.  Her blush deepened, but Adam brushed his fingers over her skin.  His hands were cold, but she didn’t mind.  </p>
<p>“I would like that,” she said.  </p>
<hr/>
<p>Blake was under Adam’s arm as he told some story to his friends.  They were sitting around a campfire, and someone had brought some shitty beer.  Blake held the lukewarm bottle in her hands, but she had barely taken any sips of the stuff.  It was enough that she was holding it, that she looked like she was drinking.  </p>
<p>Adam laughed at something someone said, and Blake curled against his skin, reveling in the sound and the vibration of his chest.  He was bare chested, shirt abandoned somewhere else on the beach, and his skin was still covered in salty drops of water from the ocean.  Blake shivered at the sudden breeze, shifting further into his side.  Adam’s grip tightened around her, and she was glad for the slight protection against the chill.  He always ran cold, though, so it wasn’t much help.  But it was better than nothing.</p>
<p>Her gaze trailed down to his left hip as the conversation around her continued.  There was no dark spot there.  No perfect circle of inkiness.  Just smooth, taut flesh that she had seen dozens of times over the past summer.  Unmarred, unmarked.  She had worn her high waisted bikini for a reason; neither of them liked the reminder that she belonged to someone else, even though she could have sworn he was her soulmate.</p>
<p>What else could he be?  He was all sharp edges and biting laughter to everyone else, but not to her.  Never to her.  To Blake, he was soft and yielding but strong.  Always so strong.  She looked at his hip and she wondered how he wasn’t hers, how she wasn’t his.  </p>
<p>Adam pulled her into his lap without any effort, even as she batted his arm.  “Adam,” she said, face flushing, “not here.”  But Adam just shrugged and took another sip of his beer before dropping it back in the sand.  His other hand moved down to the small of her back, catching her hair on the way down.  Someone whistled, and she rolled her eyes.  She tried to get up and get to her feet, but Adam kept her in his lap.  “Adam!”</p>
<p>“Come on, lighten up,” he said, hand curling around the side of her hip to hold her in place.  “It’s a party.  Relax.”</p>
<p>Blake’s shoulders sagged, and she nodded.  “Alright,” she said, pressing a kiss to his cheek.  “But I need to be home by one, remember?  Some of us have a curfew,” she said, poking his chest.</p>
<p>Adam rolled his eyes, but he nodded.  “And your parents hate me enough as is.”</p>
<p>Blake bit her tongue.  Not this <em> again</em>.  “They don’t hate you,” she tried.  </p>
<p>“They do.  They don’t like that you’re dating someone who’s not your soulmate.”  He took another sip of his beer.  “Fucking horseshit,” he spat.</p>
<p>“That’s not it,” she said, laying her hand over his chest.  “They’re just protective, that’s all.”</p>
<p>“They hate me.”</p>
<p>“They don’t hate you, but they would like you more if you got me home on time,” she pointed out, shifting on his thigh.  “I don’t think that helps your case.”</p>
<p>“Who has a curfew in <em> high school</em>?” he asked, rolling his eyes.  “You’re basically a junior, you should be able to do what you want when you want to.”  </p>
<p>Blake’s cheeks heated at the reminder of how much younger than him she was.  Two years wasn’t a lot, but Adam was heading to Kuo Kuana University in the fall, and Blake was still in high school.  His friends always made fun of her for being so much younger than them, even though she had more than proved herself over the past few months that she was so much more than her age.  </p>
<p>“Either way, we have to go,” she said, raising her brow.  </p>
<p>“Come on, it’s the last night before classes start,” he complained.  “Can’t you stay out a little later?”  </p>
<p>Blake sighed.  “I’ll go ask,” she said, but Adam shook his head.</p>
<p>“Better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission,” he said, eyes gleaming. </p>
<p>Blake rolled her eyes, but she snuggled closer into his embrace as the wind started up again.  “You’re a horrible influence, I hope you know that,” she said, laying her head against his chest.  </p>
<p>Adam chuckled.  “Belladonna, you should’ve seen me before.  You’ve practically turned me into a saint.”  He kissed her temple.  “I love you,” he said, and Blake stiffened.</p>
<p>“Adam-”</p>
<p>“Come on, it’s been long enough,” he said, eyes glinting sharply.  “Don’t you love me too?”  His voice darkened.  “Or do you not believe that someone besides your soulmate could love you?”</p>
<p>“Adam,” she said, exasperated.  “You know that’s not it.”  The conversation was quieting around the fire.  She straightened up, twisting her head to look him in the eyes.  “Do we have to do this now?  Here?”  Her voice was pleading.  </p>
<p>He shrugged.  “I just wanted to tell my girlfriend I love her.  You’re the one with the problem.”</p>
<p>“I’m just- I’m not ready yet.  We’ve only been together for a few months, Adam, and-”</p>
<p>“Exactly.  We’ve been together for <em> months</em>, my love,” he drawled.  “It’s a long time.  It’s been a long time for me.”  Blake’s cheeks heated up as he stared at her, raising an eyebrow.  “I’ve given up a lot for you.  Can’t you just admit it to yourself?”  He squeezed her hip encouragingly.  “I know you love me.  I just want you to say it.”</p>
<p>The words caught in her throat.  <em> I love you</em>s were supposed to be precious, sacred.  And she loved Adam, she knew she did.  But she didn’t know if she was in love with him.  She liked him, wanted him, but <em> loved </em> him?</p>
<p>“My love,” he said, lowering his voice, “I love you.  And I want to be with someone who loves me too.”  Her heart stopped in her chest.  He tilted his head.  “I know you feel the same way.  You just need to say it.”  His left hand traced a pattern over her knee, tracing up to her thigh, and she shivered.  </p>
<p>The conversation had all but stilled to a halt around them, and the one sound left was the crackling of their fire.  She sighed, moving to press a quick kiss to his lips, but he pressed back, forcing himself deeper into her mouth.  When they broke apart, Blake averted her gaze.  “I love you too.”  It felt like a betrayal of some sort, but she brushed it aside.  She did love him.  She would.  It was <em> Adam</em>.  How could she not love him?</p>
<p>Adam pressed a kiss to her forehead as his friends cheered.  “Now that’s my girl,” he murmured against her skin.  Blake closed her eyes and leaned against his chest as he tucked her head under his chin.  Her left hand was curled over her hip, a barrier between the two of them.  She gently thumbed where she knew her mark was, slowly circling it.</p>
<p>She loved Adam.  She did.  She didn’t need her soulmate, didn’t want her soulmate.  Not when Adam was there and present and loved her more than anything.  Still, her fingers kept prodding at her hip as the night continued onward.  </p>
<p>By the time the fire started to die down, the sky was a bright gray.  Blake stifled a yawn, her eyes longing to shut.  “I need to go home,” she said sleepily, not moving from her place in his arms.  “My parents are going to kill me.”  Ever since she’d started dating Adam, they were always yelling at her.  Maybe they did hate him.  Maybe they did hate the fact that she wasn’t waiting for her soulmate.  Her stomach twisted, but she ignored it.</p>
<p>“Alright, let’s go,” he said, easily picking her up as he stood.  He slung her over his shoulder like she was a towel, and Blake was too tired to protest.  He gathered their stuff up and walked them up to his car.  “Fuck, I’m never going to get sand out of this thing,” he said, setting her on the ground as he unlocked his car.  </p>
<p>Blake leaned her head against his shoulder.  “We’ll clean it out this weekend,” she said, helping him back up their towels and beach gear in the back.  “I’ll bring my vacuum.  It’ll be fun.”  </p>
<p>Adam snorted, ducking into the driver’s seat as Blake buckled herself into the passenger side.  He always teased her for wearing a seatbelt, but she didn’t care.  She wasn’t reckless with her life.  “Anything with you sounds like fun.”  His voice deepened, and Blake sent him a look as he raised a brow.</p>
<p>“I’m tired,” she protested.  “My parents-”</p>
<p>“Are going to be pissed anyways.  What’s another hour or two?” he asked.  His hand moved up her thigh.  “Come on, my love.  A man has his needs.”</p>
<p>Blake shook her head.  “We’re not- I’m not-”</p>
<p>“Yeah, don’t remind me,” he scoffed.  “But that doesn’t mean we can’t mess around a bit.”  His eyes were dark.  “Come on, Blake.  For me?”</p>
<p>She sighed, running her fingers through her tangled hair.  Her ears sagged.  “You have class in a few hours,” she said finally.  “And I need to get back.”</p>
<p>Adam rolled his eyes, turning to start the engine.  “Fine.  Whatever, Blake.”</p>
<p>“Adam-”</p>
<p>“I’m taking you home, like you wanted.”  His voice was cold.  “Because you obviously don’t want me.”</p>
<p>“Don’t say that,” she said.  There was a lump in her throat.  “I’m just tired, and you have to go to class.  It’s for the best.”  She wanted to reach for his hand, but she didn’t.  Not while he was driving.  “That doesn’t mean I didn’t want to, Adam.”</p>
<p>His face softened, just a touch.  He kept his gaze focused on the road in front of them.  “I’ll pick you up later tonight, then?”</p>
<p>“If I’m not grounded until college, yes,” she said.</p>
<p>Adam shrugged.  “Just sneak out.”  He put his hand on her knee and squeezed.</p>
<p>Blake only sighed.  “I’ll see you tonight,” she ceded warily.  </p>
<p>“Good.”  </p>
<p>It was a short drive from the beach to her house, and she gave him a kiss as he parked the car.  “Text me after class, okay?” she said, kissing his cheek as she gathered her stuff.  </p>
<p>“I will.  I’ll see you later, my love.”</p>
<p>Blake shut the car door and walked up the path to the door.  She took a deep breath and knocked, not turning as she listened to Adam peel off down the road.  After a few seconds, the door burst open, and her mother and father were standing there.</p>
<p>“Where have you been?” Kali asked, ushering her inside.  “We’ve been worried sick!  You know your curfew is one.”</p>
<p>“We fell asleep on the beach, Mom,” she lied, barely stifling a yawn.  “We came back as soon as we woke up.”</p>
<p>“You couldn’t have texted us that you were on your way?” Ghira asked, arms crossed over his chest.  </p>
<p>“I wasn’t thinking.  I’m sorry.”  Shame twisted in her stomach.  “I really didn’t mean to worry you.”</p>
<p>Ghira sighed, and Kali put a hand on his shoulder.  They exchanged a look, and Ghira stiffened up.  Blake’s eyes darted between them.  Her mother’s face was sad, and her father looked like he was barely keeping from shouting.  “You were with Adam, weren’t you?” he asked.</p>
<p>Blake crossed her arms.  “Does it matter?”</p>
<p>“You were out all night, Blake, yes, yes it does matter!” he said.</p>
<p>“Fine!  Yes, I was with Adam!”</p>
<p>“Were you alone?”</p>
<p>“No, we were with his friends.  I told you, we fell asleep on the beach after we lost track of time.”</p>
<p>“You should have known better,” Kali said.  </p>
<p>Blake averted her gaze at her mother’s sad eyes.  “I’m sorry.”  Her ears sagged.  “What else do you want me to say?”</p>
<p>“That it won’t happen again, Blake!” Ghira said.  “You’ve broken curfew more times this past month than ever before.”</p>
<p>“We’re worried,” Kali added.  “Ever since you met Adam, you’ve been-”</p>
<p>“I’ve been what?” she interrupted, raising her brows.  </p>
<p>Kali’s shoulders slumped.  “Honey, we’re just worried about you.  You’ve been different.”</p>
<p>“So?”</p>
<p>“This isn’t you.  Breaking curfew isn’t you.”  Ghira looked at her, softening his gaze.  “You’ve barely hung out with Ilia and Sun and Neptune this summer.  You’re never home.  We’re worried about you.”</p>
<p>“Why?  I’m just busy, there’s nothing wrong with that.”</p>
<p>“You’re only fifteen, Blake.  You still need to grow up.”</p>
<p>“I’m fifteen!  I’m plenty grown up.”</p>
<p>“You’re still our little girl, you’re still our daughter.  And we’re still your parents.”</p>
<p>“So?  Are you gonna say I can’t see him anymore?”  She shook her head.  “Why do you hate him?  He’s done nothing wrong!”  Even she knew that was a lie, but she kept her arms tight to her chest.  </p>
<p>“We don’t hate him,” Kali assured.  </p>
<p>“We just don’t like that he doesn’t respect that you have rules you need to abide by.”  Kali elbowed Ghira.  “What?”  </p>
<p>Kali sighed before turning back to Blake.  “We just want what’s best for you, honey.”</p>
<p>“And you don’t think Adam is best for me?”  She jutted her chin out.  </p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter what we think,” Kali cut in, eyeing Ghira warily.  “But you still need to listen to us, sweetheart.  Curfew means curfew, and we need to know where you are.”</p>
<p>Blake barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes.  “Why?  It’s not like I’m doing anything dangerous.  Don’t you trust me?”</p>
<p>“Of course we trust you,” Kali said.  “But we don’t know Adam, and that makes us worried.”</p>
<p>“Why?  Because he’s not my soulmate?”</p>
<p>“Honey-”</p>
<p>“No!  You guys just don’t like him because I didn’t wait for my soulmate.  You’re not even giving him a chance!”  Blake’s nostrils flared.  “You’re the ones not being fair.”</p>
<p>“Honey, you know that’s not it,” Kali said, but Blake ignored her.  She pushed past her parents, hands in fists.</p>
<p>“Whatever.  I’m going to my room.”</p>
<p>“You’re grounded!” Ghira called.  “No more going out for a month.”</p>
<p>“Whatever!” she shouted, slamming the door shut.  </p>
<p>Blake collapsed against the back of her door and buried her face in her hands, bringing her knees to her chest.  It wasn’t <em> fair</em>.  They weren’t giving him a chance.  They weren’t even giving her a chance.  She was fifteen, for the Brothers’ sake, it’s not like she was a little kid.  She knew what she was doing.  </p>
<p>Didn’t she?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed!  The next chapter should be up Thursday or Friday.  What do you guys think?  Sunday/Tuesday/Thursday updates, or Sunday/Tuesday/Friday updates?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Sixteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome back, everybody!  I think we're going to do Sunday/Tuesday/Friday updates for this fic.  Hope that sounds good to all of you!  :D<br/>Trigger Warnings: depression, panic attack, discussion of mental illness and suicidal thoughts</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Yang?”  Yang didn’t move her head.  She just continued looking out the window.  “Yang?”</p>
<p>She sighed.  She still didn’t turn.  “What, Ruby?” she asked, voice sharper than she intended.  Normally, she would wince, normally, she would apologize, but she was too tired to care.  The world just seemed so heavy.</p>
<p>“Everyone dropped off some posters.”  Ruby’s voice wobbled.  “All the kids at school signed a shirt for you, too.  Do you want to see it?”</p>
<p>“Not really.”</p>
<p>“Oh, okay.”  She could hear Ruby sniffle.  “Well, they’re here when you do!”  The chipperness was obviously forced, but dammit, Ruby was trying, why couldn’t Yang at least try for her?  </p>
<p>She nodded.  She watched the birds hop in the branches on the icy tree outside her window.  “Maybe after dinner.”  The uncertainty in her voice flickered like a match, but she could practically hear Ruby’s smile.</p>
<p>“Sounds good.  Do you, uh, do you need anything?”</p>
<p>“No.  I’m good.”  A beat.  “Thank you, though.”</p>
<p>“Oh, okay.  I’ll just, um, leave now.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Ruby.  Can you shut the door?”</p>
<p>The door shut behind her, and Yang closed her eyes as she listened to her sister pad down the hall to her room.  When Yang opened her eyes again, they were damp.  She blinked furiously, ignoring the heat.  She focused her gaze on the birds once more.</p>
<p>She could’ve tried harder with Ruby, should’ve tried harder.  Ruby had been nothing but kind and supportive since she’d gotten home from the hospital, and yet she couldn’t take it right now.  She couldn’t take the unending optimism and the well-wishes and the get well soons.  Yang just couldn’t take it.</p>
<p>Her left hand rubbed her hip, and some of the tension in her chest eased.  Yang sighed.  Everyone was trying, dammit.  She should try too.  </p>
<p>Yang’s fingers twitched, and she clenched her hand into a tight ball before releasing.  She did it again, and again, and again, until the shakiness seemed to disappear.  Yang forced herself to sit up, leaning her head against the wall.  </p>
<p>She looked down into her lap.  Even though her brain knew that her hand was resting on her thigh, even though she could feel her fingers against one another, her right arm wasn’t there.  Just her left, still pressed against her hip in a fist.  She could feel her right hand flexing, but there was nothing there.  </p>
<p>Yang jerked her gaze back to the window.  </p>
<p>She could still feel it.  </p>
<hr/>
<p>“Alright, try this on for size, Yangster,” Taiyang said, opening up the box she had been dreading.  There was a lump in her throat.  She tried to swallow it.  “Ta-da!”  </p>
<p>Yang blinked at it.  “It’s, uh, it’s an arm,” she tried.  </p>
<p>Taiyang didn’t stop smiling.  “And it’s yours now!”  He softened slightly.  “Do you want to try it on?”</p>
<p>“I-”  The words caught in her throat.  </p>
<p>“Look at that!” Ruby squealed next to her, pouring over every nook and cranny without quite touching the shiny and smooth metal.  “Oh it’s beautiful!”</p>
<p>A smile threatened, and the corners of Yang’s lips twitched.  “Sure.  Let’s try it on.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Yang went back to school after a month of being home.  “You should’ve gone back already,” Taiyang had said the night before.  “Just gotta rip it off like a Band-Aid.”  She had tried to plead with him, but he hadn’t moved an inch.</p>
<p>She studied herself in the mirror.  She was already in her jeans, but she was just in a dark orange tank top.  She could see where her flesh became cold metal, as if she couldn’t always feel it.  She swallowed thickly, moving to pull on her thick sweater.  At least no one else would see it until spring.  She had debated wearing a glove, but it wasn’t like that would make it any less weird.</p>
<p>At least she had been able to spray paint it yellow.  Taiyang had almost had a conniption, but Ruby had just laughed when she saw what Yang had done.  It had almost been enough to make her laugh too.  At least the arm was no longer so perfect; there were some scuffs and scratches in the metal, and the paint job wasn’t perfect, but it was hers.  </p>
<p>It was hers.</p>
<p>She shook her hands out, ignoring the slight metallic creak as she did so.  Her left hand pressed against her hip, and she nodded at herself in the mirror.  She could do this.  And Taiyang had promised that, if she needed to leave, he would come and pick her up.  She had an escape if necessary, but she could do this.</p>
<p>Yang squared her shoulders.  She could do this.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Do you want to come out this weekend?” Nora asked, leaning on her desk.  “We’re going to rent some movies and pop some popcorn.”  Yang knew already, she had seen it in their group chat.  She hadn’t bothered responding.  Yang opened her mouth, but Nora cut her off.  “And don’t say no, because we’re renting <em> A Man With Two Souls</em>, and I need someone who won’t scream to watch with me.”</p>
<p>Yang sighed, averting her gaze.  “I don’t know, Nora,” she said, biting her lip.  “I kind of have to focus on homework.”  She wasn’t behind, she was actually ahead, but she wanted it to stay that way.</p>
<p>Nora pouted, crossing her arms.  “We can do homework for an hour, and then we can watch the movie.  Please?” she asked, eyes wide.  </p>
<p>Yang bit her lip.  She’d been back to school for almost a month, and she had been avoiding her friends as much as possible.  She knew they were just concerned, but she was tired.  Maybe this would get them off her back for a little while.</p>
<p>“Your house, yeah?” she said, slumping her shoulders.</p>
<p>“Yup!  Friday at six.  We’re ordering pizza and everything.  Pyrrha said she would pick you and Ruby up.”</p>
<p>Yang nodded.  “Sounds like a plan to me.”  </p>
<hr/>
<p>Friday came before she was ready for it.  “Yang, come on, Pyrrha’s here!” Ruby yelled from downstairs.  Yang sighed, taking another look in the mirror.  She was in sweats and a tank top.  She grabbed a zip-up hoodie and threw it up without a backwards glance.  She ran down the stairs and kissed Taiyang goodbye before darting past Ruby and hopping in shotgun.  “Hey!”</p>
<p>“Snooze, you lose,” she said, buckling her seatbelt.  “Hey, Pyrrha.”</p>
<p>“Hello, Yang!” Pyrrha said, smiling.  “It’s good to see you.  Nora has told me this movie is very scary, and I don’t think I could do it without you there.”</p>
<p>A smile tugged at her lips as Ruby grumbled her way into the backseat.  “Couldn’t leave you hanging, now, could I?” she teased.  She zipped up her hoodie, and she ignored the way Pyrrha’s eyes traced the movement of her hand.</p>
<p>Pyrrha cleared her throat guiltily before turning back to face Ruby.  “All buckled up?” she asked cheerfully.</p>
<p>“Yup!” Ruby said, and Pyrrha nodded.  She put the car into drive, and they were off.</p>
<p>Nora lived about ten minutes from them, and Pyrrha and Ruby chatted the whole way, Yang occasionally chiming in but mostly just listening.  Her heart was racing in her chest, and her hand curled over her hip.  <em> Breathe, Yang.  Just breathe. </em></p>
<p>They got there too quickly, and Yang hesitated as she opened the car door.  She had been to Nora’s plenty of times, she shouldn’t be this nervous, dammit.  She squared her shoulders and closed the car door, following Ruby and Pyrrha up to the front door.</p>
<p>“Hello!” Nora chirped, practically ripping the door off its hinges as she answered.  “Come on, pizza is already here!”  She dragged them inside, and Yang closed the door behind them.  Yang followed them into the kitchen.  Penny, Ren, and Jaune were already seated around the table, guiltily staring up at them with a box already discarded.</p>
<p>“We couldn’t wait any longer!” Jaune rushed.  “We were starving!”</p>
<p>“I do apologize, but we were hungry,” Penny added, neatly pressing a napkin against her lips.  </p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “As long as there’s pizza left for us, it’s cool.”  She took a seat next to Penny and helped herself to a slice with her left hand.  She’d gotten close to ambidextrous the past few months, but she was still better with her right hand than with her left, even if she sometimes struggled with the lump of metal.</p>
<p>The room fell quiet as they stuffed themselves with pizza.  It was an easy quiet, not the kind of quiet that had pervaded their house the past few weeks.  Not the kind of quiet that buzzed in Yang’s brain and made the world feel gray.  This was a good quiet, a comfortable quiet.</p>
<p>Nora let out a burp, and the spell was broken.  They had demolished four boxes of pizza.  “Alright, who’s ready for <em> The Man With Two Souls </em>?” she asked, stretching.</p>
<p>“Are you sure we have to watch it?” Jaune groaned.  </p>
<p>“It’s my turn, so yes,” Nora said.  “Besides, just bury your face in Pyrrha’s shoulder like you normally do, and you’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>Jaune flushed red, and so did Pyrrha.  “Nora, I don’t think Pyrrha is gonna be much better,” Yang said.  </p>
<p>“Nah, she’ll be fine,” Nora dismissed.  “We’ll all be fine!  It’s not even that scary.”</p>
<p>“You’ve seen it before, of course it’s not going to be scary for you,” Ren pointed out.</p>
<p>“Yes, but it’s still a good movie!” Nora said.  “And I want to see how you guys react.”</p>
<p>“She means she wants to torture us,” Ruby groaned, head on the table.  “Nora, this is why you only get to pick movies twice a year.”</p>
<p>“That’s why I gotta make ‘em count!”  Nora grinned wickedly.  “Come on, Yang, you know you love my movie choices.”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “I’m staying out of this,” she said, raising both of her hands up above her head before she could realize what she was doing.  Yang stiffened, immediately slamming her arm back down to her side.  Her throat grew thick, and she coughed.  “Uh, but, yeah, they’re fine,” she finished, averting her gaze.</p>
<p>The room fell quiet, and Ren cleared his throat.  “Do you want to talk about it, Yang?” he asked.  Yang could feel everyone’s eyes on her, but she kept her gaze on her plate.  She stared into the greasy piles of orange against the white ceramic, biting her tongue.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.”  She cleared her throat.  “We’re here to watch the movie.”</p>
<p>“But we’re here for you, too,” Pyrrha said.  “You know that, right?”</p>
<p>“I know.  And I appreciate it,” she added hastily.  “I just-  It’s weird.  I don’t really wanna talk about it.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to,” Jaune said.  “But we’re here if you do.  Don’t- It’s just us, Yang.  You should be comfortable.  It’s just us.”  </p>
<p>“I know.”  She pressed her left fist into her hip.  There was a lump in her throat.  “But we’re here to watch a movie, so let’s watch the movie.”  Her voice took on a pleading edge, and she hated herself for it.  </p>
<p>The table went quiet once more, but she could feel everyone nodding.  “Alright, then!” Nora said.  “Let’s head downstairs, and I’ll pop some popcorn.”</p>
<p>Yang got up and washed her plate before heading into the bathroom.  She splashed some water onto her face, rubbing her cheeks and chin with her right hand.  The metal was slick and cold against her skin, but it drew the heat out of her cheeks.  She braced herself against the counter of the sink, looking into her eyes.</p>
<p>She looked like hell.</p>
<p>There were dark bags under her eyes.  Her cheeks were bright and red.  Her skin was pale and sallow.  Her lips were wobbling.  Yang clenched her eyes shut, ignoring the shake in her hand.  She took a deep breath, and she pressed her hand into her hip.  She had been doing that a lot lately.  She had never realized how much she did it before, how much she relied on it for comfort.</p>
<p>She gently pushed down the edge of her sweats and pulled up the hems of her hoodie and tank top.  Yang traced the outline of the black circle, spiralling in until her finger was in the center and then spiralling back out.  She looked in the mirror once more.  That, at least, still looked right.  She still had her soulmark.  She still had her soulmate.</p>
<p>Her fingers stilled.  Would her soulmate still want her?  How could they?  Yang didn’t even want to deal with herself right now, why would her soulmate?  </p>
<p>She shook her head, but the thought stuck.  Why would her soulmate want her?  <em> Why wouldn’t they </em> a voice whispered, but the other voice quickly drowned it out.  Yang looked down into the sink.  She was vaguely aware of the shallowness of her breath, but she focused on the counter below her hands.</p>
<p>There was a knock on the door, and Yang’s head shot up.  “Just a sec!” she said hoarsely.  She waited until the footsteps outside the door padded off, and she took another deep breath.</p>
<p>She could do this.  She could do this.</p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p>She couldn’t do this.  </p>
<p>Yang stepped back until her back hit the door, and she sank to the floor.  She brought her knees to her chest, clenching her eyes shut.  <em> Breathe, dammit, breathe</em>.  But she couldn’t breathe.  </p>
<p>There was another knock on the door.  “Yang?” Ruby asked, and Yang sucked in a breath.  “You okay?”</p>
<p>“Fine,” she said.  “I just- I need a minute.”</p>
<p>A pause.  “Do you want me to come in there?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine, Ruby.  I just need a minute.”  Her lungs were shaking.</p>
<p>“Yang-”</p>
<p>“I just need a minute!”  The words ripped out of her chest, and her eyes grew hot.  “I just have a really bad headache.  I just need some quiet for a few minutes.”</p>
<p>She could hear Ruby shifting outside the door.  “The movie’s about to start,” Ruby said.  “Do you want us to wait for you?”</p>
<p>“No.  I’ll be out soon.  I just- I took some ibuprofen.  I’m just gonna wait for it to kick.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”  Ruby sniffed.  “We’re here for you, Yang.”</p>
<p>She sighed.  “I know, Ruby.  I know.  Seriously.  Go start the movie.  I’ll be out in a few minutes.”</p>
<p>Yang waited until Ruby walked away before she buried her head in her hands.  </p>
<hr/>
<p>“So what brings you in today, Yang?” Dr. Goodwitch asked.</p>
<p>Yang sighed, her shoulders slumping.  “I don’t know,” she said.  “My dad made me come.”</p>
<p>Dr. Goodwitch nodded.  She made a note on her clipboard.  “Do you want to tell me why you think he made you come today?” she asked gently, turning back towards Yang.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”  Her hands curled around the padding of the examination table.  “He says he thinks I’m depressed.”  She didn’t like the word, and she practically spat it out.  </p>
<p>“And you don’t think you are?”</p>
<p>She shrugged.  “I think I’m fine,” she said carefully.  </p>
<p>Dr. Goodwitch flipped through her paperwork.  “Did you answer this honestly, Yang?”</p>
<p>“Yup,” she said, popping the <em> p</em>.  </p>
<p>“And you’re not concerned?”</p>
<p>“I mean, I’m not the same, but can you blame me?” she asked.  “I lost my arm.  I think I’m entitled to some teenage angst right now.”</p>
<p>Dr. Goodwitch smiled.  “You are,” she agreed.  “But I’m concerned by your answers.”  She shifted in her chair, leaning forward.  “Can I ask you some questions, Yang?”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “You already are,” she pointed out, but she nodded.  “Shoot.”</p>
<p>“How long have you been thinking about killing yourself?”</p>
<p>The words caught in Yang’s throat.  She looked at her feet, swinging in the empty air.  “I don’t know.  Since a few weeks after the accident.”  She shrugged.  “I’m not going to do it, but I think about it.”</p>
<p>“How often do you think about it?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.  Every few days.  Every day?”</p>
<p>“And you don’t think that’s concerning?” Dr. Goodwitch asked gently.</p>
<p>“I think I’ll get over it,” she said tightly.  </p>
<p>“It’s been six months since the accident, if I’m not mistaken.  So you’ve been feeling this way for months?”</p>
<p>Yang nodded.  “Yup.”</p>
<p>“Your Dad mentioned that you’re no longer going out with friends as much.”</p>
<p>“Nope.”</p>
<p>“He mentioned that they’re worried about you, too.”</p>
<p>“Yup.”</p>
<p>“And you’re not worried?”</p>
<p>“I mean, I don’t like feeling like this.  But I’ll get over it.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to do this alone, Yang.”  Dr. Goodwitch’s eyes were soft as she peered over her glasses.  “Your reaction is understandable, of course it is, but you shouldn’t be suffering through this alone.”</p>
<p>“So what’s your suggestion, Doc?”</p>
<p>“I think some therapy could do you some good.  How does that sound to you?”</p>
<p>“Talking to someone?”</p>
<p>Dr. Goodwitch nodded.  “I have a list of colleagues who I think would be good for you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” she said, averting her gaze.  “I’m doing fine on my own.”</p>
<p>“But you could be feeling better than this, Yang.”</p>
<p>There was a lump in her throat.  She looked up at Dr. Goodwitch warily.  “And you think therapy could make me feel better?” she asked, crossing her arms.  </p>
<p>Dr. Goodwitch nodded.  “I’d like to get you seeing someone once a week, ideally.  I think it could be a real tool for you.”  She turned back to her paperwork.  “I think starting you on a low grade antidepressant could also be helpful, but I’d like you to try therapy first and then come back and let me know how you’re progressing.”</p>
<p>Yang sighed, but her heart skipped a beat.  “And you really think that this will help?” she asked.</p>
<p>“I think you need a little support right now.  Therapy is just a support, and so is medication.  There’s nothing wrong with needing a little help sometimes.”  Dr. Goodwitch tapped her pen against her papers.  “How does that sound to you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” she admitted.  </p>
<p>“That’s okay.  But, do me a favor, and just give it an honest try.”  </p>
<p>“I will.”  She nodded.  “Really.  I’ll try.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Hey, Yangster, looking good!” Taiyang said, setting down eggs in front of her.  </p>
<p>Yang was all too aware of the air on her bare biceps, but she sat down anyways and ignored the way her skin crawled.  She took a deep breath.  “Thanks, Dad,” she said, forking her eggs into her mouth.  “What’s the plan for today?”</p>
<p>Ruby was smiling at her, and she smiled back.  “I was thinking about texting everyone and dragging them to the beach.  Wanna come?”</p>
<p>Yang nodded.  “Yeah.  Sounds like a good time.”  She popped the cap off her pill bottle and swallowed the tiny circular white pill with a drink of her water.  “First day of summer, and all that.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yang is incredibly strong, and I really wanted to showcase her struggle and strength with this chapter.  Needing antidepressants is not a weakness, and it's incredibly important to me to show Yang getting help and allowing herself to take it.  I hope you agree.  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Seventeen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome back, everybody!  Glad to see you.  Hope you're all taking care of yourselves during this quarantine.<br/>Trigger Warnings: brief physical abuse, self-hate, feeling worthless</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Adam, please-”  His hand collided with her cheek, and she was aware of the fact that she was bent over before she was aware of the pain.  Blake straightened up, hand flying to her burning cheek.  She squared her shoulders and narrowed her eyes.  “We’re done.”  </p>
<p>“Blake, come on, I didn’t mean to, it was accident-”</p>
<p>“Hitting me was an accident?” she asked, backing up.  Her back was to the door, but her backpack was still on the couch behind him, and it had her keys.  She eyed the distance between them, heart racing.</p>
<p>“It was a mistake!  Don’t be like this, my love, come on,” he said, moving closer.</p>
<p>Blake pushed her hands out in front of her, but he didn’t stop.  “Don’t touch me!” she hissed.  Adam grabbed her wrist, and she ripped it out of his grasp.  “We’re done, Adam.”</p>
<p>“No, we’re not,” he hissed.  </p>
<p>Blake shoved him.  “We’re done.”</p>
<p>He got to his knees.  “Come on, Blake, I love you,” he said, grabbing her hands.  “It was a mistake, I’ll be better from now on.  I promise.”</p>
<p>“You said that last time.  You said-”</p>
<p>“I mean it.”</p>
<p>“Oh, so you didn’t mean it last time?”  Blake wrenched her hands from his.  “We’re done, Adam.  Leave me alone.”  She brushed past him and grabbed her backpack.  “I mean it.  Don’t show up to my house, or I’m calling the police.”  She turned back to leave, but he was blocking her path.  </p>
<p>“Don’t be like that, Blake,” he said, crossing his arms.  He towered over her.  Blake tried to shove past him, but he pushed her back down onto the couch.  She bounced against the cushions, unsteadily getting back to her feet.  “I love you.”</p>
<p>“You don’t love me, Adam,” she snarled.  “You just think you do.”</p>
<p>His eyes darkened.  “What, and you think your soulmate will love you better than I can?  Better than I do?” he sneered.  “You think that anyone could ever love you like I do?  No one will ever love you, Blake.  Not like you deserve to be loved.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, I sure as shit don’t deserve you,” she said.  “Let me go.”</p>
<p>“You’re damn right, you don’t deserve me!” he shouted.  “Who else was there when you ran away?  Who else was there when your friends dumped you?  Who else has been there for you, Blake, because I don’t see anyone else!”</p>
<p>“You’re the one that drove them off!” she shouted back.  </p>
<p>Adam shook his head.  “No.  You did that all yourself.”</p>
<p>Her chest shook.  “Let me go, Adam,” she said.  “Let us go.”</p>
<p>Adam sighed, but he got out of her way with an exaggerated bow.  “You want to throw all our memories away, be my guest.”  She moved to pass, but he grabbed her wrist.  “But I’ll be here, Blake.  I’ll be here, waiting for you to come crawling back, like you always do.”</p>
<p>Blake shoved him off of her.  “I mean it, Adam.  We’re done.”  Her cheek still burned.  </p>
<p>He chuckled.  “Yeah, okay.  No one will love you, Blake.  Not like I do.”</p>
<p>She shifted her shoulder straps of her backpack.  “<em>Good</em>,” she hissed, and she ran out the door before he could stop her.  She unlocked her car with shaking hands and peeled off, her heart racing in her chest.</p>
<p>She parked her car in the driveway before heading up to her front door.  She let herself in as quietly as she could manage.  “I’m in the kitchen!” Kali called, and Blake took a deep breath.</p>
<p>Blake forced herself to walk into the kitchen, hands on her backpack straps.  Her mother looked up.  “Blake?” she asked, setting down her knife.  “What are you doing home?  We weren’t expecting you back until-”</p>
<p>“I broke up with Adam,” she said bluntly.  She ignored the way her voice longed to quiver.  “For good.”</p>
<p>Kali came closer, eyes softening.  “Oh, honey,” she breathed, taking Blake into her arms.  She frowned.  “What happened to your cheek?  You’re bleeding.”</p>
<p>“What?”  But Kali was already turning to the sink, running a paper towel under the water before gently pressing it to Blake’s cheek.  She hissed at the feeling, but her mother’s touch was gentle.  </p>
<p>“What happened, honey?” Kali asked.  Her brows were knit together.  “Do you want to talk about it?”</p>
<p>Blake shook her head, her voice in her throat.  “I just- We’re done.  For good.”  Her mother took her into her arms as her eyes grew hot.  “I’m so sorry, Mom.  I’m so sorry.  I’ve been trying so hard, and I know that I haven’t been a good daughter, but-”</p>
<p>“You are a great daughter,” Kali interrupted, stroking her head.  </p>
<p>“No, I’m not.”  Her throat grew thick.  “I’ve said such horrible things, and you tried telling me he was wrong for me, but I didn’t listen, and-”</p>
<p>“We knew you didn’t mean it,” Kali said.  </p>
<p>“But I did!”</p>
<p>Kali frowned, brushing Blake’s hair behind her ears.  “No, you didn’t.”  She brought Blake to the kitchen table and sat her down before getting Blake a glass of water, which she eagerly sucked down.  “We should have handled it better.”</p>
<p>“It’s my fault,” she said, wiping her face.  “It’s my fault, and-”</p>
<p>“Honey,” Kali said, placing her hand over Blake’s, “it’s okay.  I’m just happy you’re safe.  You’re a good girl, Blake.  You just got a little lost.”</p>
<p>“How can you still love me?” she asked.  “After everything I’ve done and said, how can you still love me?”</p>
<p>“You’re my daughter,” Kali said simply.  “I’ll always love you.”  She squeezed Blake’s hand.  “I may not always like your decisions, but I will always love you.”</p>
<p>Blake collapsed into her mother’s arms and sobbed.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>Blake plopped down beside her, silently handing Ilia her usual root beer float.  “Hey.  Thanks for meeting me.”</p>
<p>Ilia shrugged, taking a sip of her drink.  “You said you wanted to talk.  I’m here.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”  Her lip wobbled.</p>
<p>“What, did Adam break up with you or something?” Ilia crossed her arms.  </p>
<p>“No.  I broke up with him.”  Her hand clenched around the cup, the moisture on the sides wetting her fingers.  “For good.”</p>
<p>Ilia went quiet.  “What makes this time different?” she asked finally.</p>
<p>There was a lump in her throat.  “Ilia-”</p>
<p>“No, Blake, seriously.  What makes this time different?  Why should I believe that you won’t go crawling back to him, like you did the last time?”  </p>
<p>Blake winced.  Her shoulders slumped.  “He hit me.”</p>
<p>“He what?”</p>
<p>“Don’t make me say it again,” she said, staring at the water rushing below her feet.  </p>
<p>“No, Blake, holy fuck, are you okay?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.  Better, now that I’m not with him.”  She let loose a shaky breath.  “I fucked up.”</p>
<p>“Him hitting you is not your fault,” Ilia says.  Out of the corner of her eye, Blake can see the glowing redness of Ilia’s skin.  </p>
<p>“I wasn’t talking about Adam.  I was talking about us.”  She took a deep breath.  “I’m sorry, Ilia.  I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.  Yeah, you did.”  Ilia sighed.  “I didn’t help, though.”</p>
<p>“I fucked up more.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, true enough.”</p>
<p>Blake stared into her lap.  “Can you forgive me?”  Ilia slurped her float.  Blake’s eyes went hot, and she fought back tears.  “I know I don’t deserve it, but I’ve missed you.”  Her voice was small.  </p>
<p>“I missed you too,” Ilia said.  She nudged Blake with her knee.  “I don’t know if I forgive you yet, but I accept your apology.”</p>
<p>Blake sniffed.  “It was the root beer float, wasn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.  That sealed it.  I haven’t had one of these in ages.”  Ilia shouldered Blake.  “But seriously.  I’ve missed you.  A lot.”  Ilia slung an arm around Blake.  “Can I complain about him now?  Because he was such a dick.”</p>
<p>Blake choked out a laugh.  “He is such a dick,” she corrected.  “But I don’t want to talk about him right now.  I want to hear what you’ve been up to.  What schools are you looking at?  Are you dating anyone?  How are your parents?”</p>
<p>Ilia huffed.  “You do not get to bombard me with questions first,” she said.  </p>
<p>Blake bit her tongue.  “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“It’s alright.  But seriously, I get my answers first.”  Ilia squeezed her.  “What schools are you looking at?  How are your parents?”</p>
<p>Blake sighed, shrugging.  “My parents are good.  It’s better now, which is good.  And I’m thinking about either Kuo Kuana or Beacon.”</p>
<p>“Ooh, Beacon?” Ilia said.  “Still thinking English and law school, then?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“You’re gonna be a badass lawyer, Belladonna.”</p>
<p>The corners of her lips twitch upwards.  “Upholding civil rights is badass,” she agreed.  “So yeah, I guess I’ll be a badass, then.  But you’ll be more of a badass than me, you know.  Criminal law is hard.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but I’m not sure I’m gonna do it.”</p>
<p>“What’re you thinking instead?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.  Still wanna do psych first, though.”</p>
<p>“That’s smart.  You’re good at psych.”</p>
<p>“I like thinking about people’s brains.  They’re fun.”</p>
<p>“It’s exhausting.  It’s admirable, though.  Where are you thinking about going, though?”</p>
<p>“Kuo Kuana is obviously an option.  Beacon is up there, but honestly I’m thinking about just staying here in the community, you know?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.  I’m really torn up about it myself.  I have no idea what I’m gonna do.”</p>
<p>“I mean, you have time.  We both do.”</p>
<p>“Not much.”  Blake leaned back onto the pier.  “We’re going to be in college next year.”</p>
<p>“It’s crazy.”  Ilia slurped her drink.  “Have you talked to Sun and Neptune yet?”</p>
<p>“No.  I wanted to talk to you first.”</p>
<p>“Smart.  They’ve missed you like crazy, though.  Always saying movie nights aren’t the same without you.  If I’m honest, they’re not.  They haven’t been.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, because I’m the only one that picked decent movies.”</p>
<p>“Neptune’s found some okay ones.”</p>
<p>“I highly doubt that.”</p>
<p>Ilia laughed.  “Do you want to sleepover tonight?  Just the two of us?  Really, properly catch up?”</p>
<p>“Can we do tomorrow night?  I promised my parents I would be home for dinner tonight.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course.  We’ve got the rest of the summer, Blake.”  Ilia elbowed her.  “Still gotta earn my forgiveness, you know.”  Her tone was light and teasing, but the words crushed something inside her.  Her stomach clenched.</p>
<p>She needed to earn it.  She had hurt Ilia, of course she needed to show her that she could be trusted.  It made sense.  Still, it didn’t stop the raw ache that came with the words.  <em> No one will ever love you </em> he whispered, and Blake shivered.  She didn’t deserve Ilia’s forgiveness.  Not yet, at least.  That didn’t mean she was undeserving of love.  Did it?</p>
<p>“I know.  And I will,” she promised.</p>
<p>“You will.  One conversation, and I’m already ready to go to the mat for you.”  She could hear the smile in Ilia’s voice, but it did nothing to assuage her fears.  </p>
<p>“Do not attack Adam.”</p>
<p>“I never said-”</p>
<p>“You did, and you cannot.”</p>
<p>“Blake-”</p>
<p>“Seriously, Ilia.  Don’t even joke.”  She brought one leg up and cradled it.  “I don’t want to think about what he would do to you.”</p>
<p>“You should be more worried about what I would do to him.”  Ilia’s tone was light.  “But I’ll drop it.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>“No prob.”  Ilia laid her head on Blake’s shoulder.  “I really have missed you.”</p>
<p>Blake put her head on top of Ilia’s.  “I’ve missed you too,” she said.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“I’ve made my decision,” she announced, taking a seat at the table between her parents.  Kali clapped her hands together, a big grin on her face.  Ghira smiled, raising his brows.  </p>
<p>“So what’s it going to be?” Ghira asked, crossing his arms.</p>
<p>Blake took a deep breath.  “I’m going to Beacon University!”</p>
<p>“Oh, congrats, sweetie!” Kali said, taking Blake into her arms.  Blake smiled as her parents hugged her tight between them.  She smiled as excitement started to race through her, despite everything.  “We’re so happy for you!”</p>
<p>“Beacon is going to be lucky to have you,” Ghira said, clapping her on the shoulder.  </p>
<p>Blake averted her gaze.  “I know you guys wanted me to go to Kuo Kuana, but Beacon just feels right.”</p>
<p>“Honey, we just wanted you to go where you’ll be happy.”</p>
<p>“Even if that’s Beacon.”  Kali elbowed Ghira.  “What?  They beat our basketball team this year.  I’m allowed to be bitter and excited.”  Ghira’s face fell into worry.  “But you know I’m happy for you.”</p>
<p>“I know, Dad.  Thank you.”  She smiled as he kissed her brow.  </p>
<p>“Go Huntsmen!” Kali said, and Blake laughed weakly.</p>
<p>“Go Huntsmen!”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Blake sat up in bed, sweat beading her brow.  It was still dark outside, but her heart was hammering in her chest.  She held one hand over her chest and the other over her hip as she tried and failed to take deep breaths.</p>
<p>His voice didn’t just haunt her thoughts, inserting Adam into every fucking conversation she had, no, of course it didn’t just bother her during the day, of course he had to harass her at night too.  She couldn’t escape his words.  </p>
<p><em> No one will ever love you </em> he crooned again and again.  The words had settled into her bones, into her blood.  <em> No one will love you, Blake.  Not like I do</em>.  She shivered despite the heat, and she pulled the blankets tight to her.  </p>
<p>She tried to remind herself of all the people who did love her, the people who, despite everything she had done, still cared about her.  Her parents.  Ilia.  Sun.  Neptune.  They had welcomed her back with open arms.  They loved her.  They still loved her.</p>
<p><em> But you still have to earn their forgiveness </em> his voice hissed.  <em> And how could anyone love you, actually, truly love you after everything that you’ve done</em>?</p>
<p>Blake closed her eyes, her fingers circling her soulmark.  <em> Yeah, go back to your soulmate </em> he sneered.  <em> Like they’ll want you once they learned you left them for me. </em></p>
<p>She fell back against her pillow, bouncing against the mattress with a sigh.  It was pointless arguing with the voice, with him.  He wasn’t even there, and they were still fighting.  Always fighting.</p>
<p>Blake curled onto her right side, still cupping her mark.  <em> They won’t want you.  You’re not worthy of their love, of anyone’s love.  They deserve better than you</em>.  She brought her knees to her chest and held them close to her as her throat grew thick.  </p>
<p>Who would want a fucked up disaster of a person like her for a soulmate?  Her soulmate deserved better than her.  She should just stay alone.  Keep her issues to herself.  </p>
<p>She flopped onto her back.  Beacon would be a fresh start, she reasoned.  New friends, new people.  She could become someone her soulmate deserved, she could be better there.  She could hear Adam protesting, but she did her best to ignore him.  She could be better.  </p>
<p><em> But you’ll fail</em>.  </p>
<p>She closed her eyes.  </p>
<p><em> You don’t deserve love</em>.</p>
<p>Her fingers tapped against her soulmark.</p>
<p>
  <em> You deserve this pain.  You deserve to be alone. </em>
</p>
<p>Uncertainty flickered through her.  </p>
<p>
  <em> Who would want you? </em>
</p>
<p>No one.  No one should want her, at least.  She only brought pain and heartbreak.  It didn’t matter if she tried, she would fail.  </p>
<p>She would fail.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See you guys Tuesday! &lt;3&lt;3&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Eighteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiya, everybody!  How're you doing?  Hope you're well in all this craziness.  The real fun (finally) begins!<br/>Trigger Warnings: depressive thoughts, ableist thoughts, panic</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I can’t believe we’re actually here!” Ruby squealed, setting down Yang’s trunk of clothes on the floor of her dorm.  Taiyang had already gone back to grab the three of them lunch, and Ruby and Yang were supposed to unpack everything while he grabbed them food and picked up whatever she had forgotten to pack.</p>
<p>A flutter started in Yang’s chest.  “It’s amazing,” she admitted, pulling a mattress cover onto her bed before covering it in her soft sheets and bright comforter.  </p>
<p>Ruby bounced on the bed opposite Yang’s.  “I can’t believe I have to wait a whole year before I can come here,” she groaned.</p>
<p>“Watch it, that’s not mine,” she warned.  “And trust me, senior year passes really fast.  You’ll blink, and then you’ll be here too.”  She finished arranging her yellow comforter and pillows, smoothing the duvet out.  “How does that look?”</p>
<p>“Barren.  We need photos!  We need string lights!  We need-”</p>
<p>“To unpack,” Yang cut off, hands on her hips.  “Unpack, then decorate.”</p>
<p>“Then why did you make your bed?”</p>
<p>“Because I have a feeling that we’re not going to finish unpacking all today, and I want to be able to sleep somewhere tonight.”  She knelt down and opened her trunk before taking out her clothes and shoving them into her dresser.  “Can you wipe down my desk?”</p>
<p>“Yup!”  Ruby snatched the wipes and got to work.  The smell of disinfectant ruled, and Yang quickly had to open a window.  “Holy smokes, it is hot in here!” </p>
<p>“No air conditioning until junior year.  See?  Don’t wish your senior year away.  You’ll miss A.C.  And it’s your fault for wearing long sleeves.”</p>
<p>“I like long sleeves!”</p>
<p>“You’re going to get heat stroke.”</p>
<p>“So?”</p>
<p>Yang tossed her a bottle of water from their cooler.  “Take a drink,” she said.  “Can’t have you passing out before we’re finished.”</p>
<p>Ruby stuck her tongue out at her, and Yang stuck hers out right back.  They giggled, and then they got back to work.  Yang had already wiped down her mattress, her dresser, and the floor, and now all she had to do was unpack all of her stuff.  She eyed the boxes they had brought warily.  They had a lot of unpacking to do.</p>
<p>“When does your roommate move in again?”</p>
<p>“Tomorrow, I think.”</p>
<p>“That’s nice that you get to settle in before her.”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “I’ll probably help her unpack.  She said her sister was only able to drop her off, and the rest of her family was staying in Atlas.”</p>
<p>“That sucks.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it does.  I don’t think she’s really close with them, though.”</p>
<p>“That’s still sucky.”</p>
<p>Yang laughed.  “Yeah, yeah, it is.”  She closed the first drawer of the dresser, satisfied with the amount of crap she had managed to shove in it.  “Can you bring in the other trunk of clothes?”</p>
<p>“Yup,” Ruby said, already dragging in the clothes from the hall.  “How much did you pack?”</p>
<p>“Enough.  Hopefully.”</p>
<p>Ruby shook her head.  “You have too many clothes.”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” she said, frowning as she realized she had already filled up half the dresser and still had a trunk and a half of clothes left.  She looked at her closet.  “Can you call Dad and tell him to pick up some more hangers, too?”</p>
<p>“Aye, aye, captain!”</p>
<p>They unpacked relatively quickly, and Yang was surprised at how, well, homey her side of the room felt.  Sure, the other side was a blank slate, but she had no doubt Weiss would fill it up, and then it would feel comfortable and homey for the both of them.  </p>
<p>She stuck her corkboard to the wall and reached for the pictures as Ruby hung up the string lights.  “You know, I really don’t need those,” she said, carefully thumbtacking a picture of her, Ruby, Dad, and Zwei up next to a picture of the robotics crew.  “I mean, I feel like I’ll never turn them on.”</p>
<p>“But they’re pretty!” Ruby said, attaching the hooks to the walls.  “And the lighting in here sucks, you need all the light you can get.”</p>
<p>“I have a desk lamp somewhere,” she said, brow furrowed in concentration as she studied the corkboard.  “What time do you and Dad leave tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“We leave after breakfast.”</p>
<p>“So noon.”</p>
<p>“I don’t sleep that late!”</p>
<p>“Yes, you do.”  She smirked, reaching for another thumbtack.  “But that’s good, cause Weiss arrives at ten, and I thought it would be nice if you got to meet her.  Considering you’re already planning on staying over here every other weekend.”</p>
<p>“Not <em> every </em> other weekend,” Ruby huffed.  “But maybe once a month?”  </p>
<p>“Yeah, that sounds good.”  She paused.  “I’m gonna miss you.”</p>
<p>“I’m gonna miss you too.”  Ruby’s voice was soft, and Yang was struck with the urge to hug her sister.  She got off her bed and threw her arms around Ruby.  “Hey!”</p>
<p>“I want a hug,” she said, squeezing tight.</p>
<p>“Can’t breathe!” Ruby choked out, but Yang just rolled her eyes and released.</p>
<p>“Seriously, though.  I’m gonna miss you.  And I’m sure Weiss won’t have a problem with you visiting.”</p>
<p>“Have you asked her?”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “Okay, she probably won’t have a problem with it.”  Yang bumped Ruby.  “Besides, you should really focus on enjoying your senior year.”</p>
<p>“But practically all my friends are here!” she protested.  “Literally.  Did all of you have to go to Beacon?”</p>
<p>“You know just as well as I do that it was a total coincidence.”</p>
<p>Ruby snorted.  “Yeah, it was a <em> complete </em> coincidence.”</p>
<p>“You’ll be here soon enough,” Yang soothed.  “And by then we’ll know all the ins and outs of campus, so you’ll have no problem adjusting with sophomores looking out for you.”  She rubbed Ruby’s shoulder.  “And you still have Penny!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I do,” Ruby said, but Yang didn’t miss the blush that creeped over her sister’s face.  <em> Oh</em>.</p>
<p>“Does someone have a crush?” she asked, raising her brows.</p>
<p>Ruby blushed harder, all the confirmation she needed.  “Leave me alone!”</p>
<p>“Oh, come on!” she said.  “You like Penny?”</p>
<p>Ruby looked at her feet.  “I don’t know,” she said.  Her sister’s ears were red.  “I just think she’s really nice!”</p>
<p>“And you like her,” Yang cooed, clapping her hands together.  “You think she’s purdy.”</p>
<p>“I think she’s smart, and kind, and, and, and funny!”</p>
<p>“Are you gonna do anything about it?” Yang asked.</p>
<p>“What?  No!  Why?  Are you gonna tell her?”</p>
<p>“Of course not,” Yang said.  “It’s not my secret to share.”  She crossed her arms.  “But you’re horrible at keeping secrets.  Especially from Penny.”</p>
<p>“I know!”  Ruby looked up at her.  “I’ve kind of been avoiding her,” she squeaked.  </p>
<p>Yang sighed, rubbing her forehead.  “You cannot avoid her,” she said, exasperated.  “She is your best friend, you cannot avoid her.  She’ll think something is wrong.”  She sighed again.  “And I think you should talk to her.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because she might feel the same way?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, uh, nope, nopity nope nope,” Ruby said, shaking her head as she put her hands up.  “That’s almost scarier than her rejecting me.”  </p>
<p>Yang barely bit back a smile.  “So you’re just gonna suffer in silence until one of you dies?”</p>
<p>“Basically, yes, yes I am.”</p>
<p>Yang rolled her eyes.  “How long have you liked her?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean, you don’t know?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know!  I just looked at her one day and went, huh.”</p>
<p>“You’re too precious,” Yang groaned.  “You two are gonna be adorable together.”</p>
<p>“We are not going to be together, because I’m never going to tell her!” Ruby said.</p>
<p>“What if she tells you that she likes you?”</p>
<p>Ruby’s blush deepened as her jaw dropped.  “Like she’d ever do that!  Penny is way out of my league, and she’s never had a crush on anyone, ever!  I doubt she’d ever do that.”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “She could just have liked you this whole time, and you two dolts just don’t recognize that you’re pining for each other.”</p>
<p>Ruby groaned, flopping back down on Weiss’s bed.  Yang didn’t reprimand her, instead popping up onto her own bed.  “I mean, what about my soulmate?” Ruby asked, looking at her ankle where Yang knew there was a black soulmark.  “I really, really like Penny, but shouldn’t I wait for them?”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “You never know when you’re going to meet your soulmate, and you don’t even know if you’re gonna like them romantically,” she pointed out.  “Plenty of people date with soulmarks.  There’s nothing wrong with that.”</p>
<p>“I know, but still.”  Ruby hugged herself.  “I feel like Penny won’t like me because I have a soulmark, and she won’t want to enter a relationship with me because I have a soulmate out there somewhere, and then I’ll never meet my soulmate, and I’ll just die alone.”</p>
<p>“Wow.”  Yang blinked.  “First off, you’re too cute to die alone.”  Ruby stuck her tongue out at her, but Yang pressed on.  “Second, again, you don’t know what’s going to happen with Penny if you don’t talk to her.  Third, again, you don’t even know your soulmate yet, and, right now, you like Penny.  You should go for it.”  </p>
<p>“But what if-”</p>
<p>“No buts, no what ifs,” she interrupted.  “Just do what’s going to make you happy, okay?”</p>
<p>Ruby nodded, then nodded again.  “Okay.”  A tentative smile crossed her face.  “Thanks, Yang.  You’re really good at this.”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “Therapy is a wonderful thing,” she said, sliding off her mattress.  “Not the least because I now know how to give advice, even if I don’t know how to take it.”  She grinned.  “Now, come on, let’s get back to decorating before Dad gets back.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>“I’m Weiss,” her new roommate said, extending a slender pale hand.  “Weiss Schnee.  It’s nice to meet you in person.”</p>
<p>Yang smiled, taking her hand and shaking it.  “It’s good to meet you too,” she said.  Weiss didn’t cringe away from the cold metal of her hand, and Yang’s smile grew.  “I’m already settled in, but I can help you unpack.”</p>
<p>“That’s alright, I can do it myself,” Weiss said.  “But thank you for the offer.”</p>
<p>“Ahem,” Ruby said, tapping her foot.  </p>
<p>Yang rolled her eyes, pushing Ruby forward.  “Weiss, this is my little sister, Ruby, and our dad is around here somewhere.”</p>
<p>“It’s so nice to meet you!” Ruby chirped, extending her hand.</p>
<p>“Likewise.”  They grasped hands, and then they both gasped.  Yang’s eyes darted between them as they stared at one another, the pieces clicking into place as they both grabbed the inside of their right ankles.  </p>
<p>“Did you feel that?” Ruby asked, trying to slide her boot off.</p>
<p>Weiss was already out of her heels (seriously, who wore heels to college move in?), and there was a curl of rose petals making their way up her ankle.  She looked at Ruby, eyes wide.  “Yeah, I did.”  Her fingers traced the red rose petals, as if she couldn’t believe it.  “Did you?”</p>
<p>Ruby finally got her shoe off and slid off her sock.  Yang took a look at the soft ice-blue snowflakes that now rested there.  “Well, that wasn’t there before, so I’m going to say that this isn’t a dream, then,” Ruby said, but Yang could hear the panic in her voice.  </p>
<p>“I suppose not,” Weiss said, but there was a slight warmth to her voice.  “Are you also attending Beacon, or-”</p>
<p>“I’m still in high school!” Ruby squeaked.  “I’m a senior, though.  I’ve already applied to attend Beacon, though.”  Her sister scratched the back of her head, a flicker of a smile across her face.  “Uh, it’s nice to meet you!  Oh, I already said that, uh, sorry.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Weiss said.  Both of them were looking at the floor and blushing, and a part of Yang wanted to leave the room and force them to talk to one another, but she couldn't unsee Ruby’s uncomfortability.</p>
<p>Yang cleared her throat.  “So, uh, I think Ruby and Dad have to catch the hover back to Patch, but they’re coming up again in a few weeks.  So why don’t you two exchange numbers and go from there?” she suggested, putting her hands on her hips.</p>
<p>“That sounds like a plan!” Ruby said, voice too high.  </p>
<p>Weiss nodded, and she fished her Scroll out of her dress’s pockets.  “Put your number in,” she instructed, handing her Scroll to Ruby.  </p>
<p>Yang resisted the urge to tap her foot while the silence filled the room.  “So, uh, it was really nice to meet you!” Ruby said.  “Can’t wait to hear from you.”</p>
<p>Weiss nodded.  “You too.”  They stared at each other, and Yang cleared her throat again.</p>
<p>“So, uh, I’m gonna see Dad and Ruby off, and then I’ll help you unpack?” Yang said, voice a little too loud.</p>
<p>“I told you, you really don’t have to-”</p>
<p>“But I want to,” she interrupted, smiling softly.  “I’ll be right back.”  She and Ruby moved out of the room, and they were silent until they got down the first flight of stairs.  She snuck a look at her sister, whose face was pale.</p>
<p>“What do I do now?” Ruby asked, bouncing ahead of Yang.  </p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “You get to know her,” she said.  “And you go from there.  That’s all you can do.”</p>
<p>“But what about Penny?”</p>
<p>“Be honest with her,” she suggested.  “Tell her you met your soulmate, but you care about her.  Or don’t tell her how you feel, but you should definitely tell her you met Weiss.”</p>
<p>“This is a nightmare,” Ruby groaned.</p>
<p>Yang smiled softly.  “What did it feel like?” she asked.  </p>
<p>Ruby’s cheeks turned red.  “You know how I always stick my tongue out to catch snowflakes?”  Yang nodded.  “Like that.  But way, way nicer.”</p>
<p>“Huh.  Nice.”  Yang slung an arm around Ruby’s shoulders.  “You’re gonna be fine, Ruby.  I promise.  It’ll all work out in the end.”</p>
<p>“How do you know that?”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “I’m your older sister.  I know everything.”  Ruby elbowed her, but Yang could feel some of the tension leaving her shoulders.  “Seriously.  You just met her.  It’ll all be okay.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Yang.”  Ruby hesitated.  “Can you… can you not mention it to Dad?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course.  Like I said, not my secret to tell.  But I’m here for you.  You know you can call me or text me whenever you need to, right?”  She squeezed Ruby.  “Seriously, don’t keep it all in.”</p>
<p>“I won’t.”</p>
<p>“Promise me, Ruby.  Promise me that if you don’t talk about it with me, you talk to someone.”</p>
<p>Ruby huffed.  “Who else am I gonna talk to?” she asked.  </p>
<p>“Nora.  Jaune.  Ren.  Pyrrha.  You know, our friends.”  She bumped her hip against Ruby.  “Seriously, though.  Promise me.”</p>
<p>“I promise, Yang.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>“I’ll be there soon, I’m just grabbing a coffee.”</p>
<p>“You’re showing up fifteen minutes late with <em> coffee</em>?” Weiss asked, her voice still sharp, even through the Scroll.  “You better have brought me some.  Nora stole mine and now she’s bouncing off the walls.”</p>
<p>She smiled as she could hear Nora’s offended “Hey!” in the background, tucking her hair behind her ear.  “First off, I’m not late, you two were early, I still have ten minutes.  Second, of course I got you coffee.”</p>
<p>Weiss sniffed.  “You better be here soon,” she said, and then she hung up.  Yang rolled her eyes, dropping her Scroll back into her pocket.  </p>
<p>There was a line out the door for the campus coffee shop, so she’d had to go off campus to get her dose of caffeine.  If she was going to survive a study session with Weiss and Nora, she would need it more than ever.  She’d ordered Weiss an espresso and Nora a chai tea latte, mostly because she knew better than to hop her up on caffeine.  She shifted the drink carrier from her left hand to her right, her own coffee and Weiss’s espresso already in the carrier.</p>
<p>“Chai tea!” the barista called, and Yang moved to the front of the crowd to grab it.  But there was already another girl reaching for it.</p>
<p>“I think you have mine,” Yang said, stepping forward.</p>
<p>The girl turned, raising a brow.  Yang resisted the urge to step back as she saw her face.  All the breath left her lungs, and she was vaguely aware of the dryness of her mouth.  The girl’s eyes were glowing gold in the dim lighting of the cafe, and they peered up at her from underneath thick lashes.  She was beautiful.  “You drink tea?” the girl asked, her brows raised and the takeaway cup already in her hand.  </p>
<p>“Ah, no, not for me.  It’s a bribe to keep my friend from murdering me.  I kind of need it,” she said, flashing a smile before gesturing to the other two drinks already in her takeaway holder.  </p>
<p>The girl nodded.  “Well, we can’t have that, can we?” she asked, a slight smile turning up the corners of her pink lips.  Something in Yang’s stomach twisted, and she nodded a beat too late.  </p>
<p>“Nope, definitely don’t want that,” she agreed.  “Do you mind?”</p>
<p>“You were in front of me anyways.  It’s yours,” she said, slotting the cup into the free spot.  Yang watched her hand as she placed it down, her long and lean fingers pink and pale from the cold outside.</p>
<p>Yang beamed at her.  “Thanks.  I really appreciate it,” she said.  She moved to step around the girl, but the girl stepped in front of her, blocking her path.  Yang smiled, raising her brow.  “Am I allowed to leave, or are you holding me hostage until your tea arrives?” she joked.  “Cause if you are, I gotta let my friends know their drinks are gonna be cold.”</p>
<p>The girl’s black cat ears sagged, and her cheeks turned pink.  “I was just- I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Hey, it’s okay,” she said, softening her voice.  “I was just joking around.  No harm, no foul.”  She flashed her a grin once more.  “Seriously.  It’s alright.”</p>
<p>The girl nodded, and Yang watched as she took a deep breath.  “Right.  Thanks.  Have a good day.”</p>
<p>Yang nodded, moving past her.  Someone stepped backwards, and then Yang was pushed back into the girl, bringing them both to the ground.  Miraculously, her drinks didn’t spill, but she was on top of the girl.  Yang scrambled to get off of her, standing up shakily.  “I’m so sorry, are you okay?” she asked, extending her left hand.</p>
<p>The girl nodded, accepting Yang’s hand.  “Yeah, I’m-”</p>
<p>They both went still.</p>
<p>Yang’s hip bloomed and blossomed.  She could feel something coming to life under her skin, something untwisting and flowering and unfurling at her side.  She went still as something grew in her.  It felt like magic.  It felt like a miracle.  </p>
<p>She grinned, pulling the girl, no, her <em> soulmate </em> to her feet.  Her soulmate swayed, her face pale.  “Did you feel that?” Yang breathed.  “That was amazing.  How did it feel for you?  I’m Yang, by the way.  Yang Xiao Long.  It’s really great to meet you, I’ve been waiting-”</p>
<p>“I have to go,” the girl said, pushing past her.  Yang turned, but the girl was already out the door by the time she looked.  Yang willed her feet to move, to chase after her, but she was rooted to the spot.  She couldn’t move.  She couldn’t breathe.</p>
<p>Her left hand shakily moved to palm her hip.  </p>
<p>“Chai tea?” the barista said.</p>
<p>Yang just looked at her before forcing herself to move and leave the cafe.  Her heart was racing in her chest.  She kept walking.  She kept her head up, desperately searching for a black head of hair and ears, but there were too many people.  She looked around the street, but everyone was walking and moving and not stopping.  She’d never find her.</p>
<p>She’d never find her.</p>
<p>Yang forced herself to take a deep breath.  She straightened her shoulders, and she headed back for campus.  She ignored the heat in her chest.  She ignored the shakiness of her lungs.  She ignored whatever had grown inside her chest.  She ignored it all.</p>
<p>She pasted an easy smile on her face as she let herself into their dorm room.  “Sorry I’m late,” she said, turning to put the drinks down on her desk before handing them out.  “Crazy line.”</p>
<p>Her hip itched underneath her shirt.  Later.  She would look later.</p>
<p>“Took you long enough,” Weiss sniffed, accepting her espresso with a nod.  </p>
<p>“Thank you!” Nora chirped.  </p>
<p>“It’s not coffee,” she warned, but Nora shrugged.</p>
<p>“I stole Weiss’s, I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“Don’t remind me,” Weiss said, already drinking her coffee.  She looked at Yang, brow furrowed.  “Are you alright?  You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, sorry.  I’m just tired, I think,” she said, sitting down between them.  <em> I have to go</em>.  The words reverberated through her, and she hid her wince with a drink of her coffee.  “Told you I needed some caffeine.”</p>
<p>“Alright, now that we’re all here,” Weiss said, cutting Yang a glare.  “Let’s start with chapter three.  Oobleck said a lot of the test questions come from the textbook, so we should definitely go over those, and I’m thinking we should go through our class notes first and then see how we do on the questions.  How does that sound?”</p>
<p>They studied for four hours.  Four hours of her heart racing in her chest.  Four hours of her mind swirling with questions.  Four hours of desperately trying to study and failing miserably.  Four hours of keeping her hand pressed against her hip, of hoping, begging that she had imagined it.  Four hours of fucking hell.</p>
<p>“Alright, I think we’ve studied enough for today.  Do we want to head to the dining hall and grab some dinner?” Weiss asked, stretching upwards like a ballerina.</p>
<p>“Dinner sounds good!” Nora said.</p>
<p>“I think I’ll catch up with you guys,” Yang said.  “I got a bit of a headache, so I think I’m just gonna hit the hay early.”</p>
<p>“Yang, going to bed at a decent hour?”  Nora put her hand to her forehead and swooned into Weiss’s lap.  “Who are you, and what have you done with our Yang?”</p>
<p>Yang forced a laugh out of her mouth.  “Headaches are the worst,” she said.  “Probably just too much studying.”</p>
<p>“You could be hungry,” Weiss suggested.</p>
<p>“Nah, I’ll be fine.  I just need some sleep.  You guys go ahead.”</p>
<p>“You sure?” Weiss asked.  “You seem a little off.”</p>
<p>“Like I said.  Headache.”</p>
<p>Weiss nodded, standing up.  “Alright.  I’ll bring you back a snickerdoodle if they have any.”</p>
<p>Yang forced a smile.  “Thanks, Weiss.”</p>
<p>She slowly cleaned up her books, keeping her back to Weiss and Nora.  She put her stuff back in her desk as Weiss and Nora left the room.  Once she could no longer hear them, Yang closed to the window shades and turned to the mirror.  Her hand shook as she unbuttoned her pants and pulled down the side of her panties.  She took a deep breath and lifted the hem of her shirt.</p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p>Her fingers traced over her hip.  The black circular mark was gone.  Yang sucked in a breath.  Her hand was shaking, but she forced herself to keep touching her skin.  It couldn’t be real.  It couldn't be.</p>
<p>Yang traced the stem of the flower around.  It was a soft purple.  Her heart crumpled at how beautiful it was.  It was so delicate and detailed.  She could make out every vein of every petal, every ripple in the tender flesh.  She touched the largest petal and was surprised to only feel her skin.  </p>
<p>She blinked hard, and when she opened her eyes, the flower was still there.  She forced her hand over her mouth, the threat of panic taking over her system.  It was real.  </p>
<p>Her soulmate didn’t want her.</p>
<p>Her soulmate left her.</p>
<p>Her soulmate abandoned her.</p>
<p>Yang turned away from the mirror.  </p>
<p>What had she done wrong?  Had she somehow offended her?  What had she done wrong?  Why didn’t she want to stay to meet Yang?  What had she done wrong?  Had she been too overwhelming?  What had she done wrong?  Why didn’t she want to meet her?  What had she done wrong?  </p>
<p>Yang didn’t even know her name.</p>
<p>Her mind reeled.  </p>
<p>What had she done wrong?</p>
<p>Her hand was shaking.  She looked down at her right side, to the glossy yellow and silver of her hand.  Her stomach clenched.  No, that was ridiculous.  Wasn’t it?</p>
<p>She stared at her hand as it flexed, the metal creaking as her joints slid into place.  Dark gray tendrils curled over her brain, and she had to take deep breaths to keep them at bay.  No, that couldn’t be it.  That was ridiculous.  Wasn’t it?  </p>
<p>What other explanation was there?  Her soulmate didn’t want her because she wasn’t whole.  Because she was broken.  Because she was missing a piece of her body.  Because there was something wrong with her.  There was a lump in her throat.  There was so much wrong with her, and her soulmate had taken one look at her and knew.</p>
<p>Just like how Yang had taken one look at her and thought she was the most beautiful girl, no, woman, she’d ever seen.  Every inch of her face was imprinted in her mind, but, already, it was swirling around.  She could picture the pinkness of her lips, the planes of her cheeks, the burn of her eyes, but she couldn’t place it all together.  </p>
<p>Not that she should try to.  Remembering her face would only make it worse, wouldn’t it?  Remembering how beautiful she was, how her skin had been stained pink from the cold, how she held the cup of tea.  A thousand little things Yang hadn’t realized she had picked up on in the few seconds they had together, and yet they all gleamed and shone like stars in her memory.  </p>
<p>And she doubted she would ever forget the way she left.</p>
<p>She would never forget the way they had collided and the way her skin felt beneath Yang’s and the way her soulmate had paled as it had sunk in.  She snorted, shaking.  Who wanted a cripple for a soulmate?  She should have known.  </p>
<p>She should have known.</p>
<p>She studied her hip once more.  Her fingers hesitated over it, just ghosting over her flesh.  It was so beautiful.  She would have to look up what kind of flower it was, wouldn’t she?  At least she had her soulmark.  At least she had something to remember her by.</p>
<p>Her soulmate didn’t want her.  And that was okay.  She would be okay.</p>
<p>Her lies sound shitty, even to her.</p>
<p>Yang took a deep, shuddering breath.  She slid out of her pants and top and into her pjs, throwing her clothes into her hamper.  It was fine.  She was fine.  She would be fine.  It was fine that her soulmate didn’t want her, had left her, because anyone who reacted like that to her arm was someone she couldn’t possibly be happy with.  Even if she was beautiful.  Even if she seemed so uncertain and nervous.  Even if Yang’s heart had felt alive for the first time in two years.</p>
<p>Yang would be fine.</p>
<hr/>
<p><em> Atropa belladonna</em>.  Nightshade.  Of fucking course.  Toxic.  Deadly.  Something Yang could never have.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See you all Friday!  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Nineteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, everybody!  Hope you're well after that last chapter.  ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So how many people do you have to talk to before we can leave?” Blake asked, adjusting her jacket as they walked.  It was slightly too warm to be wearing a pantsuit, but it was the only formal outfit she had bothered to bring up with her this year.  </p>
<p>“At least three.  And we can’t leave before they serve food, I didn’t eat dinner,” Sun said sheepishly.  “So we can leave after we’ve talked to three people, I’ve said hello to my professor, and I’ve gotten some food in my belly.”  He patted his stomach.</p>
<p>Blake rolled her eyes.  “You should have eaten,” she said.  Her heels meant she was slightly taller than Sun for once, but she still had to speed to keep up with him.  “The dining hall had french toast sticks tonight.”</p>
<p>“Dammit, I should’ve,” he said.  “Do you think they’ll have them again tomorrow?”</p>
<p>She shrugged.  “Hope so.”</p>
<p>Sun opened the door for her, and Blake smiled her thanks as she walked into the student union.  They walked down the corridor to the main atrium, and Blake opened the door for him.  There were small tables set up with snacks on them, and people were already milling about.  Blake straightened her shoulders and tossed her hair behind her back.  </p>
<p>“Where’s your professor?” she asked, sliding her student ID across the card reader.  It beeped green, and she passed the front table and went to one of the unoccupied tables, Sun close behind.</p>
<p>“I don’t see her yet, but she should be here soon,” he said.  Sun dipped into his jacket, pulling out his Scroll.  “Alright, Miss Blake Belladonna, tell me about your major.”</p>
<p>Blake rolled her eyes.  “I am an English major,” she said, putting her hand on her hip.  “And what are you, Mister Sun Wukong?”</p>
<p>“Ah, I’m asking the questions here,” he said, raising his brows.  “But, as you may have guessed from the fact that this is the Social Work Social Networking Night, I am a Social Work major.”</p>
<p>“Never would have guessed,” she said.</p>
<p>Sun crossed his arms.  “Come on, I just need to ask you these questions, and then I can go harass someone else.”</p>
<p>“Alright, alright.”  Blake put her hands up in surrender.  “What’s your next question?”</p>
<p>“Do you have plans for post-graduate education, or do you plan to enter the workforce?”</p>
<p>“I plan on applying to law school,” she said.  Sun took notes on his Scroll.  “You already know this, why do you have to take notes?”</p>
<p>“Because I need notes to show my prof that I actually did this.”  His brow furrowed, and he dragged his finger up his Scroll.  “Do you have any interest in staying in the Vale community and working here?”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure,” she admitted.  “I figured I would see where I got into law school and set down roots afterward.”  Her ears sagged, and she shook her head slightly.  “But yes, I would be interested in staying in Vale.”</p>
<p>Sun made a note on his Scroll.  “Oh, I’m gonna need your email after this.  Peach wants to get all the students who came and ask them what they think, plus, she says she might have some internship opportunities for non-Social Work peeps.”</p>
<p>“I’ll write it down,” she said, reaching for his Scroll.  “How do you not have it memorized?”  She typed her email in before handing it back.  “I had yours memorized before freshman year even started.”</p>
<p>“Because stuff like that goes in one ear and out the other,” he said cheerfully.  “Okay, two more questions, and then you’re free to go and grab snacks.  First, what brought you here tonight?”</p>
<p>“You.  The bribery of dinner tomorrow night.”  Sun gave her a look, and she sighed.  “Fine, the opportunity to expand my network outside of the English department and to learn about internships within the community for over the summer.”</p>
<p>“Perfect,” he said.  “Last question, I promise.  How do you feel your time at Beacon thus far has prepared you for post-graduate life and helped you make connections?”</p>
<p>“I feel Beacon has very generous and active alumni who take an active role in current students’ education, and I am presented with the opportunity to expand my network frequently.  Beacon has helped me grow into a semi-functioning adult.”  She wrinkled her nose.  “Don’t write that down.”</p>
<p>“Too late!” he chirped, shutting down his Scroll and putting it back into his pocket.</p>
<p>“What did that have to do with your class?” she asked.</p>
<p>Sun shrugged.  “It’s more so to get people to come to this shit,” he said, grinning.  “Plus, they look over all the answers to see how they support undergrads.  It’s actually pretty cool.”</p>
<p>“It sounds it,” she agreed.  “Do you want to grab food now?”</p>
<p>“Yes!  Oh, wait, there’s Jaune.  I need to go ask him a quick question about this essay.  Do you want to come with, or do you want to grab snacks?”</p>
<p>“I’ll come with,” she said with a shrug.  “It’ll be nice to meet your new best friend.”</p>
<p>“Oh, come on, you know you’re my best friend!” he said, escorting her over to a blonde guy in a blue suit.  </p>
<p>She shook her head.  “Neptune is your best friend.”</p>
<p>“You’re both my best friend!” he argued.  “And so is Ilia.  I can have more than one best friend!” </p>
<p>“Hey, Sun!” the blonde, Jaune, said, a smile spread across his face.  “You look nice.”</p>
<p>Sun’s chest puffed up.  “Thank you.  It’s all Blake’s fault.  She trapped me and forced me into a suit.”</p>
<p>“He was going to wear sweatpants,” she explained.  “Even I knew that networking meant getting dressed up.”</p>
<p>Jaune smiled.  “Unfortunately,” he said.  He extended his hand, and Blake saw a green and gold laurel on his hand.  Her stomach churned, but she forced herself to accept his greeting with a smile.  “It’s nice to meet you, Blake.  Sun talks about you a lot.”</p>
<p>“You should hear how much he talks about you,” she said weakly, wrenching her gaze from his hand.  “I’ve been dying to meet the mysterious Jaune Arc.”</p>
<p>“There’s nothing mysterious about me,” he assured.  “I’m an open book.”</p>
<p>Blake smiled, bringing her hand back to her side as Sun clasped Jaune around the back.  “Social Work bros for life!” Sun said, slamming his hand onto Jaune’s back.  She bit back a laugh at the look on Jaune’s face.  </p>
<p>“What made you pick Social Work, Jaune?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t know.  I’ve always just liked helping people,” he said.  “It just made sense to make a career out of it, I guess.  What about you?  What’s your major?”</p>
<p>“English.  But I’m going into law school after this.  If I can get in,” she said, allowing herself a wry smile.</p>
<p>“You’ll get in,” Sun said.  “Blake’s, like, super smart.”</p>
<p>Blake rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t hold back her blush.  “Thanks, Sun,” she said.  </p>
<p>Sun beamed before turning back to Jaune.  “So, Jaune, who did you rope into this?”  He elbowed him.  “Do I finally get to meet that girlfriend of yours?”</p>
<p>Jaune blushed, swatting Sun.  “No, she had a rugby game tonight.  My friend Yang agreed to come and weather the storm with me, though.  Everyone else mysteriously had plans.”</p>
<p>Blake froze.  She felt all the blood drain out of her face, and she hoped she hid it well enough with a cough.  “Sorry, excuse me,” she rasped.  “I need a drink.”  They both nodded, and Blake retreated deeper into the growing crowd.</p>
<p>She forced her way to the water station and poured herself a cup, downing it in one gulp.  Her lungs felt like they were shaking, but she made herself take a deep breath of air and poured herself another glass.  She eyed the doors of the room before sighing, her shoulders slumping.  She couldn’t leave Sun.  He needed her here, and he needed to introduce her to his professor if he was going to get credit.  She could leave after that.</p>
<p>Still, her blood revolted in her veins.  Every inch of her screamed at her to run.  She couldn’t be anywhere near Yang Xiao Long.  Even though she desperately wanted to be.  <em> Especially </em> because she wanted to be.  </p>
<p>She grabbed her Scroll out of her pocket and quickly typed a message to Sun.  <em> Not feeling so hot.  I’m gonna hang by the water until I feel better. </em></p>
<p>Her Scroll pinged back almost instantly.  <em> Do you need anything? </em></p>
<p><em> I’m fine.  Just a lot of people. </em>  She felt bad using his concern for her, but it wasn’t a total lie.  There were a lot of people.  But that wasn’t why she was panicking.</p>
<p>Blake tucked her Scroll back into her pocket, sipping at her water.  The cold cooled the burning inside, cooled the heat she felt whenever she thought of Yang.  Her hip hadn’t burned since that awful day, but she could still remember the way the flames had come alive against her skin.  It had felt so right, so natural, so perfect.</p>
<p>Fuck, she could still see Yang’s open and excited face from that day.  The way her eyes had been so soft and so bright, the way her voice had curled around Blake and made her feel <em> wanted </em>.  The way her own hip had burned.  The way her panic had overtaken in her seconds.  The way his voice had gone from whispering to shouting.  The way she couldn’t get away fast enough.  The way Yang had come out after her looking like a lost child.  </p>
<p>She leaned against the wall, scanning the room for that head of voluminous blonde hair.  She had only caught glimpses of Yang a few times since that day, and she had been quick to avoid her each and every time.  What would she even say if Yang saw her?  <em> Sorry for running, but you’re better off without me</em>.  </p>
<p>Her eyes finally found her, and her heart stopped.  Yang wore a smile like it was as natural as breathing for her.  Her hair was glowing like a halo around her, and she wore a dark yellow and white dress.  Blake’s mouth went dry as she took in the way her soulmate wore the dress.  Her arms were bare, and Blake could see the ripples of her muscles underneath her tanned skin.</p>
<p>Blake took another drink and ducked her head.</p>
<p>She just had to wait until Sun’s professor got there, and then she could make her escape.  She could do this.  There were plenty of people to hide behind.  She could do this.  She didn’t have to deal with Yang, now or ever.  She could do this.</p>
<p>She could do this.</p>
<p>Blake trailed Yang’s movements, pressing herself up against the wall.  She watched as she went over to Jaune and Sun, smiling and totally at ease.  Blake couldn’t ruin that.  She wouldn’t ruin that for her, refused to ruin that easy smile like she knew she would.  Her stomach tightened.  Her soulmate deserved to keep her easy smile.  Yang deserved better than her.  </p>
<p>She took another drink of her water.  She kept against the wall, hopefully just out of sight for Yang.  She could see her, but Yang couldn’t catch a glimpse of Blake.  Brothers, would Yang even recognize her?  She would, wouldn’t she?  Blake had every inch of her face seared into her brain from the second her hip had burned.  There was no way she could get away with Yang not recognizing her.</p>
<p>A white haired woman approached the trio, and she watched as Yang’s smile grew and she hugged her.  All the breath left Blake’s lungs.  She bit her tongue, and she took another drink of her water as her heart raced beneath her sternum.  They broke off their embrace, but Yang kept an arm slung around the woman’s shoulders as they, presumably, resumed their conversation.</p>
<p>Were they together?  </p>
<p>Heat clawed at Blake’s throat, and she shook her head, trying to dissuade herself from looking further.  But she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the two of them.  Yang, glowing and golden, and the petite and perfect woman.  </p>
<p>What did it matter to her if Yang was dating?  She had given up all rights to her soulmate the day she ran, she knew that.  She knew that.  It shouldn’t matter.  It didn’t matter, because Yang deserved better than her, and if she found someone better than Blake, Blake should be ecstatic for her.  Relieved, even.  Grateful that someone was taking care of her soulmate in the way she couldn’t.  </p>
<p>Her hand shook as she raised her glass to her lips.  She forced herself to swallow the water, unable to wrench her eyes away from the smiling duo.  She had no claim to Yang.  She had given that up.  But it didn’t stop her from wanting to know her, had it?  Hadn’t stopped her from dreaming about the woman who matched the bright and bold sunflowers on her hip.  Hadn’t stopped her from wanting to catch a glimpse of Yang, even as she feared seeing her.  Hadn’t stopped her from wanting.</p>
<p>
  <em> Greedy, my love.  So very greedy. </em>
</p>
<p>Blake closed her eyes.</p>
<p>
  <em> Selfish.  You’re selfish. </em>
</p>
<p>She was selfish, wasn’t she?  She wanted to have her cake and to eat it too.  She wanted Yang safe and happy and healthy, things she would never be if she was near Blake.  She wanted to know Yang.  She wanted her in her life, despite knowing that she would only hurt her in the end.  She <em> wanted </em>, dammit, and she was selfish for wanting.</p>
<p>Blake had made her choice.  She had to live with the consequences.  Even if it had been the right choice, the only choice she could have made.  Her soulmate deserved better than her.  That glowing smile and the stunning sunflowers on her hip and her loud but gentle voice deserved better than her.  Blake couldn’t drag her down to her level, refused to.  </p>
<p>Yang deserved better than Blake, and if she was getting that, Blake should be happy for her.  Ecstatic, even.  She should be thrilled someone was taking care of her soulmate.  But all she felt was shame. </p>
<p>She stiffened as she watched Sun peel away from the group and start for her.  She downed the rest of her water and pasted what she hoped was at the very least a neutral expression onto her face.  </p>
<p>“You feel alright?” he asked, eyes soft with concern.</p>
<p>“Just got a really bad migraine,” she lied.  “Once your prof gets here, would you kill me if I left?”</p>
<p>Sun shook his head.  “Of course not,” he said.  The shame twisted deeper into her stomach.  “Will you be okay to get back to the dorms?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.  I think I just need a good night’s rest and to get away from all this,” she said, gesturing around the room.  “Too loud.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure you’re okay?  You look really out of it.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be fine,” she assured.  “Is your prof here?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, come on, I’ll introduce you.”  He took her by the elbow and escorted her to a short woman with a gentle smile on her face.  “Peach, this is Blake Belladonna.”</p>
<p>“Lovely to meet you!” the woman said, extending her hand.  Blake shook it, forcing a smile onto her face.</p>
<p>“Likewise,” she said.  “Sun has told me a lot about you.”</p>
<p>“All good things, I hope,” she said, eyes twinkling.  </p>
<p>“Of course,” Blake said.  </p>
<p>“Did Sun already question you?” Peach asked.</p>
<p>“Yup, she has been thoroughly questioned,” Sun said.  “But she has to leave, so, please, excuse us.”</p>
<p>“Oh, are you alright?” she asked.  Blake hated the softness in her eyes.  She didn’t deserve it.</p>
<p>“Fine,” she lied.  “Just have a bit of a migraine.  It’s a pity, I was really looking forward to this.  I don’t get to meet many people outside of the English department.”</p>
<p>“Well, we’ll be having another one next year, and I’ll be sending all students who attended an email, so don’t worry.”  Peach winked.  “You’re not missing much.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she said.  “Please, excuse me.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you back?” Sun asked, following her as she made her way to the front of the room.</p>
<p>She shook her head.  “I’ll be fine.  You need to be here, and I promise, I’ll text you when I get back to my dorm.”</p>
<p>“If you’re sure,” he said, and she could hear the uncertainty in his voice.</p>
<p>“I’ll be fine.  Really.”  She forced a smile she didn’t feel.  “I’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast?”</p>
<p>Sun nodded.  “You know it.”  He held his hand up for a fist bump, and Blake rolled her eyes as she obliged him.  “You better text me.”</p>
<p>“I will.   Night, Sun.”  She turned and forced herself not to run out of the atrium.  She didn’t let herself run, not the least because her heels were slightly too high.  No, she was fine, and she would be fine, and people who were fine did not run back to their dorms.</p>
<p>Blake straightened her shoulders and kept her chin high, even as her ears sagged and her heart raced.  </p>
<p>She should have told Sun what had happened.  Fuck, she should have told <em> someone </em> what she had done.  But no, she kept it bottled up and ready to pop.  No one would understand why she did it, not when she didn’t even fully understand why she had run.  No, no one could know.  It was better this way.</p>
<p>She was better off alone.</p>
<p>Blake sighed, letting herself into her dark dorm room.  She swallowed thickly.  Her hand found its way over to her hip, and she hated that she still relied on her soulmark for comfort.  She didn’t deserve the peace it brought, not when she had brought her soulmate nothing but pain.  Even if it was for the best.</p>
<p>Still, she pressed her fist against the spot where she knew the biggest sunflower was and pushed until she could feel her bone.  The sunflowers were too beautiful to be on her, too beautiful to deserve something like her.  Yang didn’t need Blake coming in and fucking up her life.  </p>
<p>She had told herself that every day and night for the past eight months.  It still made her want to sob.  </p>
<p>The words didn’t keep her from wanting and from regretting and from hating herself.  They didn’t soothe her jagged and bleeding heart.  They didn’t help her remember that she was doing the right thing, not when she couldn’t get the betrayal that flickered across Yang’s face out of her mind.</p>
<p>Not when she couldn’t get Yang out of her mind.</p>
<hr/>
<p>First semester came and went without any more Yang sightings.  She couldn’t tell if she was relieved or disappointed.  Beacon was a big university, and it worked in her favor, but she couldn’t help the way her heart raced whenever she saw a large blonde head of hair, the way she dared to hope for a second that it was her.</p>
<p>Second semester arrived with the snow, and, of course, she had her biology six to nine to take.  “Fucking bio,” she had groaned to Sun.  “Why on earth do I need to take biology?”  Still, it was a requirement, and she had snagged a spot in the easiest bio class she could stomach.  </p>
<p>Blake strode into the class, eyes scanning the classroom for any familiar faces to sit by.  Sun had already taken his natural science requirement, and so had Coco and Velvet.  It was just her.  She took a deep breath and started making her way to the second row when she froze.</p>
<p>Oh.  Oh <em> no</em>.</p>
<p>She retreated back the way she came, forcing herself into the back corner desk, not taking her eyes off of that blonde head of hair.  No.  She couldn't be here.  There was no way the Brothers hated her that much.  There was no way her soulmate was taking the same exact bio class.  There was no way.</p>
<p>Blake took her books out of her bag with shaking hands.  There was no way Yang Xiao Long was there.  It was simply impossible, but there she was.  She hadn’t gotten a glimpse of Blake yet, thankfully.  Blake opened her laptop and quickly booted up the scheduling site, nervously checking the clock.  She had five minutes before class started.  Five minutes to find another class that would fulfill the requirement.</p>
<p>Full.  Full.  Full.  Pre-requisite required.  Full.  Full.  Space, but met at the same time as her mandatory seminar.  Full.  Full.  Pre-req required.  Full.  Full.  </p>
<p>Fuck.</p>
<p>“Hey, everybody!” the professor, one Dr. Ebi, said, dropping his satchel on the table at the front of the room.  “My name’s Doctor Clover Ebi, but you can just call me Clover.  I teach Human Biology, so if you’re looking for Cellular Biology, you’re a day early.”  He smiled.  Blake slumped into her chair.</p>
<p>Clover wrote his email information and office hours up on the board, and Blake forced herself to write it down.  It was a normal class, just a normal class.  “Alright, so, first off, we’re all gonna go around and introduce ourselves with our name, major, year, and a fun fact that will help me keep all of you straight.  I have a hundred and fifty students, so gimme a break.”</p>
<p>He cleared his throat.  “I’ll start.  I’m Clover Ebi, I have a doctorate in biology, I graduated school a long time ago, and I like fishing.”  He grabbed his papers.  “Alright, we’re going to do this in alphabetical order.  Blake Belladonna, you here?”</p>
<p>Blake’s mouth went dry.  She cleared her throat.  “Here,” she said, trying to keep the nervous edge out of her voice.  “I’m here.”</p>
<p>“Alright, so what’s your preferred name, major, year, and fun fact?” he asked, still wearing that easy smile.</p>
<p>“I go by Blake.  I’m an English major, I’m a sophomore, and I like tuna.”  She didn’t dare look in Yang’s direction, keeping her eyes focused on the board.  Would Yang recognize her?  Would she demand answers?  Her stomach churned.  </p>
<p>Clover chuckled.  “Tuna is good,” he said.  “Alright, Umber Borne?”</p>
<p>Blake tuned out for the rest of the introductions, her eyes darting back and forth between the board, her notes, and quick glimpses of that blonde head.  Yang wasn’t looking at her, if she had ever been looking at her.  Maybe she wouldn’t recognize her.  Maybe they could get through this class without ever running into each other.</p>
<p>“Yang Xiao Long?” Clover asked.</p>
<p>“Here.  My name’s Yang, I’m a mechanical engineering major, I’m a sophomore, and I ride a motorcycle.”  Her voice stopped Blake’s heart in her chest.  So familiar, so right.  So wrong.  Her hand naturally fell to clasp her hip and rub the sunflowers that bloomed there.  Fuck, she hadn’t heard that voice since that day, that awful day, and it was as strong and smooth as she remembered.  </p>
<p>Clover made a note on his paper.  “Alright, so that’s all of you,” he said.  He shuffled his papers.  “So, I’m glad we go to know each other, because you’re going to be working closely with one of your classmates for the rest of the semester.  The pairs are already made, so don’t bother asking for a change,” he warned.  “First pair is Blake Belladonna and Yang Xiao Long.”</p>
<p>Everything went cold.  Her body shut down.  </p>
<p><em> No</em>.  </p>
<p><em> No, no, no</em>.</p>
<p>NO.</p>
<p>She kept her gaze on her desk.  Her hands were shaking.  “So now, go meet your partner, exchange numbers, do whatever you guys need to do.  You’ll need them for this week’s homework.  Be back in your seat in five minutes, and then we’ll go over the first lecture.”</p>
<p>Blake was aware of Yang moving, and she tried to force herself to move somewhere, anywhere.  Out of her seat, down the hall, out the window, literally anywhere, but her body refused to move.  She was stuck.</p>
<p>“Hey, I’m Yang,” the blonde said, extending her metal hand.  </p>
<p>Her heart stopped.  “Blake,” she rasped, taking her hand and shaking it.  </p>
<p>“It’s nice to meet you, Blake.”  Yang smiled, and all the air went out of Blake’s lungs.  </p>
<p>She didn’t recognize her.  <em> She didn’t recognize her</em>.</p>
<p>“You too.”  </p>
<p>Yang shifted.  “So, how do you want to do this?  Email, Scroll, carrier pigeon?”</p>
<p>Blake choked out a laugh.  “Email or Scroll.”  She fumbled for her Scroll, opening it up and creating a new contact.  “Here, you can put your information in.”</p>
<p>Yang accepted her Scroll and quickly typed her number and email in.  Her lilac eyes were even brighter than she remembered, and she could see each and every freckle that crossed her skin.  She was beautiful.  Her soulmate was beautiful, and she was so <em> bright </em>.  Yang handed her back her Scroll with a smile.  It made Blake’s stomach twist.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Blake said, tucking her Scroll back in her bag.  “I’ll text you after class?”</p>
<p>Yang nodded.  “Sounds good to me.”  She took a seat next to Blake.  Blake’s heart rate spiked.  “My friend took this class last semester, and she said that most of the work is partnered, so I guess we’re stuck together.”  Yang smiled.  “Just a heads up, I am the worst at biology.”</p>
<p>“I doubt that.”</p>
<p>“No, really, I am.”</p>
<p>“You can’t be worse than I am.”</p>
<p>“Is that a bet?”  Yang’s eyes shined, and Blake was vaguely aware of the fact that she was leaning inwards.  She forced herself to straighten up.  No.  She did not get to break Yang’s heart and banter with her now.  She did not get to be her friend after hurting her.  She did not have the right to any part of Yang.</p>
<p>Before Blake could formulate a response, Clover called them back together.  Yang saluted her as she headed back to her seat.  Blake’s heart didn’t stop pounding in her chest, and she was barely aware of the rest of the class.  </p>
<p>Yang didn’t recognize her.</p>
<p>Yang had no idea who she was.</p>
<p>Yang didn’t know.</p>
<p>She had to get out of this class.  Or, at the very least, out of the partnership with Yang.</p>
<p>After class, she went up to Clover.  “Dr. Ebi?” she asked, holding herself tight in her arms.  </p>
<p>Clover looked up with a smile.  “Just Clover is fine,” he assured, a soft smile on his face.  “Blake, right?”  She nodded.  “What’s up?”</p>
<p>She took a deep breath.  “What are the chances I can change my partner?” she asked, biting her lip.  </p>
<p>Clover straightened up with a sigh.  “Is there a reason for asking?” he asked.  </p>
<p>The words caught in her throat.  How could she explain?  Brothers, Clover would think she was crazy.  Who wouldn’t want to be partnered with their soulmate?  Who would run from their soulmate in the first place?</p>
<p>She lowered her eyes.  “I was just going to say that if someone has a legitimate reason for needing to be changed, please consider me to change with them.”</p>
<p>Clover’s shoulder relaxed.  “I will.  Thank you, Blake.”  He gave a small smile.  “But let me know if you have any problems after this, okay?  It’s just the first class.”</p>
<p>“Right.  Of course.  Thank you.”  She nodded, and then she ran out the door and all the way back to her dorm.</p>
<p>She locked herself in her dorm room and shut the blinds.  Blake dropped her backpack on her chair and started pacing in the center of her room.  </p>
<p>What the hell was she going to do?</p>
<p>She kept pacing, back and forth and back and forth and back and forth.  Her heart raced in her chest, and she felt like she wasn’t breathing.  Was she breathing?  Should she be breathing right now?  </p>
<p>Blake stilled, and she sat down on her floor.  She forced herself to take a deep breath.  In and out.  In through the nose, out through the mouth.  Breathing was good.  Breathing mattered.  She needed to breathe.</p>
<p>Yang Xiao Long was her soulmate.</p>
<p>Yang had no idea Blake was her soulmate.</p>
<p>Yang was Blake’s biology partner.</p>
<p>She let out a deep breath.  She could work with this.  Yang didn’t know who she was.  And it was only for a semester.  She could deal with Yang for the semester, and then she could go back to avoiding her like she had been.  It was just a semester of that easy smile and those soft eyes and her own lies.  </p>
<p>Even as her stomach roiled in fear, she couldn’t help the slight bud of excitement that had bloomed in her chest.  She could talk to Yang.  She could get to know her.  She could have her in her life, if only for a little while.</p>
<p><em> Selfish</em>.</p>
<p>Fuck, she was so selfish.  Blake had abandoned Yang, and now she got to pretend that she hadn’t hurt her in the first place.  She got to push her away and keep her close in the same motion.  She shouldn’t let Yang anywhere near her, she should’ve protested more with Clover, she should drop this class, fuck, she should just drop out of Beacon and transfer to Kuo Kuana.</p>
<p>She took another deep breath.  </p>
<p>It was too late to do anything now.  She had exhausted all her options, and she had made her choices.  Now she had to deal with the consequences.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“You said you were bad at biology,” Blake accused.  </p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “I am.”</p>
<p>“Then what am I?”</p>
<p>“Also bad?”</p>
<p>Blake laughed, unable to force it down.  “You’re so far from bad,” she said, crossing her arms.  “You actually understand what he’s talking about.”</p>
<p>“Trust me, I am horrible.  You should see how much I study during the week,” Yang said.  “And you totally understand what he’s talking about.”</p>
<p>“Only because you explain it again!”  </p>
<p>Yang smiled, and Blake’s heart ached.  A month into the semester, and these study sessions were simultaneously the best and worst thing to ever happen to her.  Yang was smart, really, really smart, even if she claimed otherwise, and she was good at biology.  Good enough to help Blake, at least.</p>
<p>She tried, Brothers knew she had tried, to keep it strictly academic.  But Yang was always going off on some tangent, or cracking jokes, or making her smile despite her attempts not to, and it was hard.  She had finally accepted, with some horror and not nearly enough guilt, that she and Yang were friends.  Well, more like acquaintances, but friendly acquaintances.  </p>
<p>“Come on, the library is about to close,” Blake said, straightening up.  “We need to finish this.”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “You could always come back to my dorm to finish studying.”  </p>
<p>“It’s almost one a.m.  Some of us need sleep.”  </p>
<p>“See, this is why you should drink coffee,” Yang said.  “It’s a miracle worker.”</p>
<p>“Coffee is a last ditch resort that I save only for finals.”  She tapped her notebook.  “Come on.  Tell me about the nervous system.”</p>
<p>Yang rolled her eyes, but she obliged.  “Alright, so, the nervous system has three main functions-”</p>
<p>“THE LIBRARY IS CLOSING IN TEN MINUTES.  PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY OUT OF THE BUILDING.  THANK YOU.”  The intercom shuddered off, and Blake winced, her ears turning in an attempt to escape the booming sound.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you don’t want to come back to mine?” Yang asked, raising a brow.  “We still have all of this chapter and another to go.”</p>
<p>Blake sighed, scanning over her notes.  “Don’t you have a roommate?” she asked finally.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but she’ll understand.”</p>
<p>“Well, I don’t have a roommate, so why don’t you just come to mine, and we can study there,” she offered before she could think.  Her eyes widened, and she cleared her throat, averting her gaze as she packed up her notes.</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” Yang asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah.”  She hesitated.  “I’m sure.  Besides, you’re right.  We should finish studying.”</p>
<p>Yang whipped out her Scroll.  “Can you say that again?”</p>
<p>Blake rolled her eyes.  “Very funny.  Come on, let’s get out of here.”</p>
<p>They packed up quickly, and they were out of the study room in two minutes.  “What dorm do you live in?” Yang asked, shouldering her backpack.</p>
<p>“I live in Summer Hall.  You?”</p>
<p>“Same.  What floor?”</p>
<p>“Third.”</p>
<p>“I’m fifth.”</p>
<p>“Ah, nice.”  Blake kept her gaze in front of her as they walked.  “It’s good that you don’t have to walk far, then.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”  Yang smiled at her.  “Thanks for having me over.”</p>
<p>“It’s just studying,” Blake said.  “And it’s the least I could do.  You’re the reason I passed the last test.  I still owe you for that, by the way.”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged as they swiped into Summer Hall.  “See, this helps me.”</p>
<p>“Really?  Because it feels like you’re just reteaching me all the material,” Blake said, a twinge of guilt twisted in her stomach.</p>
<p>“It helps me,” Yang repeated as they headed up the stairs.  “It helps me to explain it to someone else.  If you can’t explain it to someone else, you don’t really understand it, you know?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but still.  I really appreciate it.”  There was a lump in her throat.  Yang was so kind to her.  She still had no idea.  Blake sighed, turning the key and opening her door.  “Seriously, Yang.  It means a lot.”  She ushered Yang inside and turned her lamp on, hoping that her dorm wasn’t as bad as she remembered it.</p>
<p>It wasn’t as bad.  It was worse.</p>
<p>She blushed as she saw that she had left her bras hanging on her lamp to dry, and she quickly grabbed the still damp underwear and stuffed them in her drawer.  “I am so sorry,” she began, but Yang just shrugged.  </p>
<p>“Gotta dry them somehow.  Weiss is always yelling at me for doing the same thing.”  Blake closed and locked the door.  “Where can I put my bag?”</p>
<p>“Uh, anywhere, really,” she said, dropping her own bag on her desk chair.  “You can sit on the couch.  Uh, that’s the bed that’s not my bed.  Feel free to move the pillows around so you’re comfortable.”</p>
<p>She turned, and Yang was already pulling out her notes.  Fuck.  Yang was in her room.  Yang was in her room at one in the morning.  Yang was in her room at one in the morning and she was bright eyed and smiling, despite the bags underneath her eyes, and her brows were lowered in focus as she scanned her notes. </p>
<p>Blake’s stomach clenched.  She forced herself to sit beside Yang, not looking up at her as they silently spread their notes out between them.  “Seriously, though.  Thanks for helping me.”</p>
<p>“It’s no problem.  Gotta stick together, right?”</p>
<p>Blake swallowed thickly.  “Right.”</p>
<p>Yang nodded, and then she looked down at her papers.  “So, I was wondering, are you doing anything this Friday night?”</p>
<p>Her stomach twisted.  “I was planning on having a movie night with my friend Sun,” she lied, “but what were you thinking?”</p>
<p>“Oh, Sun’s the best!  You should invite him, too.”</p>
<p>Blake raised her brows.  “To what?” she asked, heart racing.</p>
<p>Yang shifted.  She still wasn’t looking at Blake.  “We have our own movie every Friday, me and a couple friends.  I was hoping you could join us, but if you can’t, no sweat!” Yang said quickly.</p>
<p>She couldn’t come up with a good enough excuse.  And, if she was honest, she didn’t want to.  “That sounds really great,” she said.</p>
<p>Yang perked up.  “Really?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.  I’ll text Sun.  Do you need us to bring anything?”</p>
<p>“Just cash for pizza or whatever take out we end up getting.  Everything else is taken care of already,” Yang said.  “Oh, this is gonna be awesome!  It’s my turn to pick the movie, so it’ll be awesome, of course.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Blake agreed.  </p>
<p>Fucked.  She was completely and utterly fucked.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'll see you all Sunday!  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Twenty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiya everybody!  How're you doing?  I hope you're well!  Please enjoy this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Yang?”  </p>
<p>Yang’s head snapped up, clutching her Scroll to her chest.  “What?” she asked, forcing herself to drop her Scroll back in her lap.  </p>
<p>Ruby was laying on Yang’s bed, head hanging off the edge.  “How do we ask Weiss out?” her sister groaned.  Her face was turning red from the pressure of being upside down, but she didn’t right herself.  Penny was beside her, dutifully working on her homework.</p>
<p>“You ask her?” Yang said, spinning around in her chair to face the couple.  </p>
<p>“That’s what I said!”  Penny poked Ruby’s leg.  “I told you so!”</p>
<p>“But how do we ask?  Do I go alone, or does Penny come with me, or does just Penny go, or-”</p>
<p>“You both should go,” Yang interrupted.  “You both like her.  And you just tell her how you feel, the same way you two got together.”</p>
<p>“But that’s hard!” </p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “It’s what you got to do.”  She snuck another look at her Scroll.  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  Her heart sank.  She cleared her throat, trying to focus.  “You have to be honest with Weiss, that’s all.  Tell her how you feel, and go from there.  Either I get to threaten another girlfriend of yours, or I have to slap some sense into her, because she’s so obviously into the both of you.  It’s almost sickening, how infatuated you all are.”</p>
<p>“You think so?” Ruby asked, sitting up.  She steadied herself against Penny.  “Woah, woozy!”</p>
<p>“I know so,” she said patiently.  “Seriously, you two are all she talks about.”</p>
<p>“Ruby, it is going to be fine,” Penny said, rubbing her sister’s back.  “We should not put it off any more.  We both like Weiss, and we should tell her how we feel.”</p>
<p>Ruby buried her face in Yang’s pillow with a scream.  </p>
<p>Yang rolled her eyes, but her heart panged for her sister.  “Seriously, you two.  Go ask her out.  Preferably when I’m not in the room,” she said.</p>
<p>“You’re always in the room!”  Ruby’s voice was muffled by the pillow.</p>
<p>“Then don’t do it in the room,” Yang said.  “Do it on the quad, or something.”</p>
<p>“That sounds lovely!” Penny chirped.  </p>
<p>Yang clapped.  “There you go!” she said.  “Look, a plan.  And she’s studying by the library now, go to her and confess your love!”  Ruby threw a pillow at her, but Yang caught it easily.  “Seriously, though, go.  Leave.  I need to get some studying done.”  She glanced at her Scroll once more.  Nothing.</p>
<p>“Fine,” Ruby groaned, picking herself up off the bed only to throw herself onto the floor.  Penny hopped down and neatly put her books in her bag.  “Do you want to get dinner tonight?”</p>
<p>“Nah, go get dinner with your girlfriends.”</p>
<p>“She’s not our girlfriend yet!”</p>
<p>“But she will be!”  Yang smiled.  “Seriously, go and ask her out.  What’s the worst that can happen?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t know, we ruin our friendship with her, then she transfers out of Beacon to go to Atlas University, leaving us both heartbroken?” Ruby asked, hands on her hips as she stood up.</p>
<p>Yang rolled her eyes.  “Just go ask her out,” she said.  “Take her to that place on Main Street for dinner tonight or something.  She’ll love it.”</p>
<p>Penny beamed.  “Thank you, Yang!”  She grabbed Ruby by the wrist and dragged her out of Yang’s room.  “We will let you know how it goes!”</p>
<p>Yang waved goodbye before kicking herself over to the door and closing it.  She locked it so it would stay shut and not open and close with the breeze coming through the open windows, and then she pushed herself back to her desk.  She checked her Scroll again.  Still nothing.</p>
<p>She leaned back in her chair with a sigh, opening up her messages to Blake.  The last one was from her to Blake:</p>
<p>
  <em> Hey, did I say anything stupid last night? XD </em>
</p>
<p>She knew exactly what she had asked.  She knew exactly how Blake had responded.  But she did not know how Blake wanted to handle it.  She sighed.  She never knew what Blake wanted.  She never knew how she would react.</p>
<p>Yang ran a hand through her hair, scrolling up through their texts.  Memes, jokes, dinner plans, it was all so normal, all so <em> them</em>.  Sometimes, texting her, it was easy to slip into the fantasy that Blake knew she knew they were soulmates.  Sometimes, it was easy to pretend that they were together and happy.  Sometimes, it was easy to think that Blake was hers and she was Blake’s.</p>
<p>She still hated herself for pretending to not recognize Blake that day in biology.  She had seen her during roll call, heard that soft voice, and every inch of her had frozen solid.  Blake hadn’t looked her way, but Yang could see the way she held her neck so stiffly, the way she was trying to not look at Yang.  </p>
<p>She had fully planned on demanding answers.  She had spent all of roll call trying to come up with a way to ask her <em> what the fuck </em>without screaming.  But then she walked over there, and Blake had looked petrified.  Like she was scared of Yang.  </p>
<p>And she wasn’t made of stone.  She may be partially made of metal, but she wasn’t stone.</p>
<p>The words had left her mouth before she could think, and it had been the only mercy she could give her soulmate in that moment.  Pretending that she didn’t recognize Blake when Blake so obviously recognized her ached.  Pretending that she had no idea who Blake was to her before biology and befriending her killed.  Pretending that she didn’t know Blake was her soulmate while falling in love with her <em> burned </em>.  </p>
<p>She hadn’t told anyone who Blake was to her.  She had wanted to tell someone, anyone, but no one would understand why she did it.  Hell, she didn’t understand how she did it.  How did she endure being around the soulmate who had so soundly rejected her?  Why bother pretending?  Why put up with the pain and heartache?</p>
<p>Yang would be lying if she said she knew.  But she felt settled around Blake.  Calm.  Whole.  And even if Blake didn’t want her, she wanted Blake, in whatever capacity she could have her.  So she did what she had to do.</p>
<p>She rubbed her face.  Last night had been a mistake.  She should have never asked her, should have never let the two of them get alone together.  She should have known better, but she hadn’t, and now she had to face the prospect of losing Blake all over again.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em> Last Night… </em>
</p>
<p>Yang downed the cup before her, her tongue burning as whatever was in there traveled down her throat.  She wiped the back of her hand and smirked, bouncing the ball into the cup in one shot before stacking Nora’s cup.  “Suck it!” she said, crossing her arms.</p>
<p>Nora groaned, still chugging her last drink.  Ren was rubbing her back, sighing beside her.  “Rematch,” Nora said, slamming her cup down on the table.  “Now.”</p>
<p>“Drink that first, and then we’ll talk,” Yang said, gesturing to the Baby Cup in the center of the ring of cups.  Nora rolled her eyes, but she picked up the cup, saluted Yang, and started drinking the cacophony of random liquor.  Yang herself had poured some of her whiskey in it, and she knew Nora hated whiskey.</p>
<p>Nora finished the cup, and she glared at Yang.  “Next time, we’re going for a rematch,” she amended.</p>
<p>Yang smirked, hands on the table.  “You’re on, thunder thighs,” she said.  “But go get some water in you, okay?”</p>
<p>“I’ll make sure she drinks some,” Ren said, gently taking Nora by the waist and moving her into the kitchen, despite her protests.  Yang grinned and turned back to Blake, who was leaning against the wall of Coco’s townhouse.</p>
<p>“So, how awesome was I?” she asked, taking her drink back from Blake’s hands.</p>
<p>“You bounced a ping pong ball into a Solo cup,” Blake said, arching a perfect brow.  “And you still missed half the time.”</p>
<p>“You try it sometime,” she said, crossing her arms.  “Nobody’s perfect.”</p>
<p>Blake took a sip of her drink, her gold eyes glowing in the dim light of the party.  “You did good,” she said, handing Yang a bottle of water.  “But do me a favor and drink that?”</p>
<p>Yang rolled her eyes, but she unscrewed the top of the water bottle and downed half the drink in one fell swoop.  “Thanks, Mom,” she teased, saving the rest for later.  “It shows you really do care about me.”</p>
<p>Blake’s cheeks pinkened.  Yang wanted to kiss them and feel the heat of her skin for herself.  She shook her head slightly, biting her tongue to bring her back to herself.  Okay, no more alcohol for her, then.  </p>
<p>“I care more about you not whining to me about a hangover tomorrow,” Blake said.  </p>
<p>“I’ve had three drinks, I’ll be fine,” she said.  “But thank you for caring.”  She smiled.  She moved beside Blake, leaning against the wall with her.  “You should be more worried about Nora.”</p>
<p>“Nora has Ren,” Blake dismissed.  “She’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and I have you,” Yang said before she could realize what she was saying.  She cleared her throat.  “Why is it always the quiet ones taking care of the loud ones?”</p>
<p>Blake laughed, but it didn’t sound right.  Fuck.  She’d pushed too much.  Yang took another sip of her water.  </p>
<p>“Because we’re the only ones that can deal with your bullshit,” Blake said finally.</p>
<p>“Fuck off,” she said, but she was grinning.  Blake shrugged, but her lips twitched upwards.  </p>
<p>Yang surveyed the room.  Pyrrha, Jaune, Ruby, Penny, and Weiss had set up another round of Stack Cup, and, from the looks of it, Jaune was losing.  Miserably.  Which meant Pyrrha was losing, because Jaune couldn’t drink fast, so she was desperately trying to drink all of Jaune’s misses, and Weiss was taking advantage while Ruby and Penny cheered her on, even as they drank their own misses.</p>
<p>She turned back to Blake.  “Where’s Sun tonight?” she asked.  </p>
<p>“He had a video call with Neptune.  It’s their biweekly date night,” Blake explained.  </p>
<p>“He’ll be sorry he missed this, though.”</p>
<p>“It’s just a party,” Blake said.  “There’ll be others.”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “Yeah, but it’s one of the last parties before Coco and Velvet and everyone graduates.”</p>
<p>“Don’t say that, it’s not even spring yet.”</p>
<p>“Still.”  Yang bumped her shoulder against Blake.  “It’ll be weird next year.  Doing this without them.”</p>
<p>“Like they won’t visit,” Blake said.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but it won’t be the same.”  She took a sip of her whiskey.  The burn loosened her tongue just enough that she could release some of the tension in her chest without exploding.  “You thinking about what you’re gonna do for post-grad yet?”</p>
<p>“Brothers, don’t you start,” Blake murmured.</p>
<p>Yang raised her hands in surrender.  “We don’t have to talk about it.  But I have a feeling you need to talk about it.”</p>
<p>“Why’re you always right?”</p>
<p>“Because I’m awesome, and amazing, and wonderful, and-”</p>
<p>“Full of yourself?”</p>
<p>Yang smirked.  “Rightfully so,” she said.  She nudged Blake again.  “Come on, let’s head upstairs.  Velvet said we could use her bedroom if we needed a quiet space during the party.”</p>
<p>“We don’t have to do this,” Blake said, but Yang was already dragging her through their friends and up the stairs.  “Seriously, what if there’s someone else who needs it?”</p>
<p>“Then we leave and go outside.  But come on, you need to get this off your chest, and you’ve had just enough to drink to make this not as painful.”  She knocked on Velvet’s door before entering, flicking the light on.  She closed the door behind them, sitting on Velvet’s floor and patting the space beside her.  “Come, come.  Talk to Dr. Yang.”</p>
<p>Blake snorted, but she sat with a sigh.  Yang’s eyes traced her body, from the tips of her ears to the boots on her feet.  Blake was beautiful, there was no doubt.  She looked like some ethereal rock goddess in her black high-waisted jeans and black cropped sweater.  Her lips and cheeks and chest were pink, likely from the alcohol, and Yang was struck with the urge to kiss her.  <em> Bad Yang </em> she chided.  But that didn’t keep her from wanting what she couldn’t have.</p>
<p>Yang cleared her throat.  “So, what’re you torn between?” she asked.</p>
<p>“You know.”</p>
<p>“Talk it out,” Yang said.  </p>
<p>Blake blew her hair out of her face.  “I’m torn between applying to law schools in Vale and in Menagerie.”</p>
<p>“Why do you want to go back to Menagerie?”</p>
<p>“Because my family’s there.  Because I have childhood friends there.  Because I love Menagerie and I can do a lot of good if I work there.”</p>
<p>“But?” she prompted gently.</p>
<p>“But Adam is there.  But everyone there knows me.  But there I’m just the Chieftain’s daughter.”  Blake sagged, taking another sip of her drink.  </p>
<p>“You know you’re more than that,” she said.  “So much more than that.”</p>
<p>“But that’s how I’m seen when I go home.  Either I’m Adam’s ex, or I’m my father’s daughter.  I’m not my own person.”</p>
<p>“You can still carve your own path there,” Yang argued, even though she didn’t want Blake going back to Menagerie.  She wanted her to stay in Vale with her.  But she had to be indifferent.  She had to do what was best for Blake.  </p>
<p>“It wouldn’t be the same,” Blake said.</p>
<p>“Okay, so, then, why not Vale?”</p>
<p>“Because I miss my family.  Because there’s less opportunities right out of law school.”</p>
<p>“Why Vale, then?”</p>
<p>Blake sighed.  “Because I love it here.  Because my friends are here.  Because my life for the past three years has been here.”</p>
<p>Yang leaned back onto her hands.  “You seem to have quite the structured list for someone who doesn’t want to talk about it.”  She softened her tone.  “What do you want?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”  Blake took a drink.  “I really don’t know.”</p>
<p>Her golden eyes looked up at Yang’s, and Yang sucked in a breath.  “You have time, you know,” she said.  “You can always apply to both places and see where you get in, and go from there, you know?”</p>
<p>“I feel like that’s a cop-out.  Like that’s just prolonging my suffering.”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “Maybe.  But it buys you time to figure out what you want.”  She nudged Blake with her foot.  “You don’t need to know exactly how you get there right now.  You just need to map out the possible paths.”</p>
<p>“Brothers, you sound like Sun.”</p>
<p>“I should’ve been a therapist, I know,” Yang said.  “But seriously.  Don’t be too hard on yourself.”</p>
<p>Blake nodded.  “Thanks, Yang.”</p>
<p>“No prob.”  Yang downed the rest of her drink.  Her eyes felt heavy, but she forced herself to keep them open.  “Can we stay up here for a few minutes?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure.  It’s too loud down there, anyway.”</p>
<p>Yang laid down on the floor, and, with a sigh, Blake followed.  They stared up at the ceiling for several minutes, thoughts spiralling in her head.  Her brain felt fuzzy around the edges, and her mouth was open before she could think.  “What did I do wrong?” she asked.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Yang swallowed thickly.  “What did I do wrong?  When we first met.  What did I do wrong?”  Blake went quiet, so she kept talking.  “Because I thought you hated me.  I thought you wanted nothing to do with me.  I thought-”  Her voice cracked.  She cleared her throat.  “I thought you wanted a different partner.”</p>
<p>“For bio?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.  For bio.”  She closed her eyes.  “What did I do wrong?”  Blake kept quiet.  Tears blurred her eyes, but she forced herself to blink them back.  She was wearing mascara, dammit, and it would be obvious if she cried.  </p>
<p>“You did nothing wrong, Yang,” Blake said softly.  </p>
<p>“Then why did you look at me like that?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Like what?”</p>
<p>“Like you were scared of me.”</p>
<p>She heard Blake take a deep breath.  “I wasn’t scared of you, Yang.  I could never be scared of you.”</p>
<p>Yang closed her eyes.  “Then why?” she forced herself to ask.</p>
<p>A beat.  Then another.  “You just seemed so <em> nice </em>,” Blake said.  “I wasn’t in a good headspace at the time, I remember that much.  And I just didn’t want to bring you down with me.”</p>
<p>Yang wanted to shift onto her side and stare at Blake, but she had the feeling the spell of honesty would be broken if she did that.  “Are you still scared of that?” she asked.</p>
<p>“A little.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because you deserve better than me, Yang.  You deserved a better bio partner then, and you deserve a better friend now.”  </p>
<p>“You’re my best friend, Blake.”</p>
<p>“I shouldn’t be.”</p>
<p>“Yes, you should be.”  She paused.  “You’re awesome, Blake.  You’re an awesome friend, and I love you for that.”  Her breath caught.  “I love you, Blake.”</p>
<p>“Yang-”</p>
<p>“You’re my best friend.  I’m allowed to love you, it’s in the best friend rule book.”  Blake sniffled, and Yang took that as the chance to go ahead.  “I think you’re so smart, and you’re so passionate, and you just rock my socks off.  Of course I want you to be my best friend.”  She reached across the floor to grasp Blake’s hand.  “I love you.”</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“Because I don’t work!”  Blake’s breath was ragged, and Yang closed her eyes.  “I don’t function like a person should.  You know what Adam did to me, what I did, and I don’t function.  I just, I don’t.  I don’t work.”</p>
<p>“You’re not broken, Blake.”  Blake snorted.  “You’re not.  You’re healing, sure, but that doesn’t mean you’re broken.”  Her breath caught.  “You’re not the only one who doesn’t feel whole, Blake.”  She swallowed thickly.  “But we’re whole.  We’re whole people, and we’re not burdens.”</p>
<p>“But I am!”</p>
<p>“But you’re not!”  Yang took a deep breath.  “When I’m around you, I feel good, Blake.  I feel happy, and safe, and good, and whole.  You make me feel that way.”  </p>
<p>Silence.  </p>
<p>“You make me feel that way, too,” Blake said quietly.</p>
<p>Yang squeezed her hand.  “Then I’m allowed to love you,” she said lightly.  “I’m allowed to call you my best friend.  I’m allowed to want you in my life in whatever capacity works for you.”</p>
<p>Blake went quiet.  Yang heard her sniffle, and, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Blake wipe at her eyes.  “We should get back to the party,” Blake said, sitting up.  </p>
<p>“Yeah.  Yeah, we should.”  Yang swallowed the words still left in her throat.  She tried to stand up, but she stumbled.  Blake grabbed her, steadied her.  She was holding her, and Yang was looking into her eyes, those watery gold eyes, and she <em> wanted </em>.  All the air left her lungs.  </p>
<p>Yang forced herself to straight up.  “Guess I had more to drink than I thought,” she said lightly.  </p>
<p>“Drink your water,” Blake said.  </p>
<p>Yang bent down and grabbed the bottle, downing the remainder of the water.  She watched Blake as she did, took in Blake’s red face and shaking hands.  “You know, uh, I’m gonna stay up here for a few minutes.  Pull myself together enough so I’m not falling all over the place,” she said, sliding back down to the floor.</p>
<p>“You sure?” Blake asked.</p>
<p>Yang nodded.  “Yeah, I’m sure.  Go enjoy the party.  I’ll find you when I’m myself again.”  She forced a smile.  “Save me a drink, okay?”</p>
<p>Blake nodded.  “I will.”</p>
<p>And then she was gone.</p>
<p>Yang watched as the door closed, and then she listened for Blake’s footsteps to fade away into the music.  She pulled her knees to her chest and took deep, steadying breaths.  She clenched her eyes shut, desperately hoping her tears wouldn’t fall.  She was so stupid.  She was an idiot.  She never should have brought it up.</p>
<p>Why couldn’t she have just been happy with what she had?  Why did she have to push and want more?  Why did she have to pick and pick and pick until she got the answers she wanted, until there was blood on her hands and tears in her eyes?  Why couldn’t she just be happy with what they had?</p>
<p>Because it wasn’t enough.  She wanted Blake in her entirety.  She wanted Blake, and this farce of a friendship was killing her.  It hurt to pretend she didn’t know, but she couldn’t imagine her life without Blake in it.  So she would just have to suffer through it.</p>
<p>If she hadn’t just driven Blake off.</p>
<p>Yang sighed, rubbing her face.  She stood up and checked herself in Velvet’s mirror.  Her face was red and splotchy, but the lights downstairs would cover it, and the alcohol could explain the rest away.  She downed the rest of her whiskey and made her way downstairs.</p>
<p>Jaune, Pyrrha, Ruby, Weiss, and Penny had started up another game of Stack Cup.  Nora was sleeping on Ren in the corner.  Coco and Velvet were outside grilling up food.  And Blake was nowhere to be found.</p>
<p>“Have you guys seen Blake?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, she- no fair, I was talking!” Jaune said, crossing his arms.</p>
<p>“You snooze, you lose,” Weiss said smugly.  “Drink the Baby Cup.”</p>
<p>“Blake?” she tried again.</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah.  She said she wasn’t feeling well.  She said to leave the last lemonade for you.”  </p>
<p>Her throat thickened.  Blake knew she loved lemonade.  Maybe she didn’t hate her.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” she said, taking the lemonade.  “I think I’m gonna head out, too.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Her Scroll buzzed just as she had started her homework.  Yang dropped her pencil and lunged for her Scroll, scrambling to open it.</p>
<p>It was a picture of Weiss, Ruby, and Penny.  They were all smiling.  <em> THANK YOU YANG!!!!! </em>Ruby had said.  Yang sighed, but she smiled at the dopey smile on her sister’s face.  At least she was happy.  At least one of their love lives was working out.</p>
<p>She put her Scroll back down and tried getting back to her homework.  She tried, dammit, but she couldn’t focus.  It was already late afternoon, and Blake still hadn’t gotten back to her.  She never slept past noon, so that wasn’t it.  She was avoiding Yang.  </p>
<p>There was a lump in her throat.  She tried to swallow it, but it remained.  Blake didn’t want her, she’d known that for two years.  But this rejection was harder, sharper.  This wasn’t just Blake rejecting her because of her arm or because of fear or because of whatever; this was Blake rejecting <em> her </em>.  </p>
<p>Her hand rested over the belladonnas on her hip.  </p>
<p>Yang straightened her shoulders.  So what if she loved Blake?  So what if they were soulmates?  So what if Yang felt complete when she was with Blake?  It didn’t matter if Blake wasn’t happy.  She loved her too much to force her into unhappiness.  If Blake wanted to avoid her, fine.  If Blake wanted to move back to Menagerie, fine.  If Blake didn’t want her, fine.  </p>
<p>She was a terrible liar.</p>
<p>Her Scroll buzzed, and Yang took a deep breath.  It didn’t matter.  Her feelings didn’t matter.  She didn’t matter.  </p>
<p>
  <em> Sorry, my Scroll died.  Took forever to charge.   </em>
</p>
<p>Yang took a deep breath.  <em> No worries!  :) </em></p>
<p>So they weren’t going to talk about it.  Fine.  That was fine.  </p>
<p>
  <em> Do you want to get dinner? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Yeah, dinner sounds good.  Five? </em>
</p>
<p><em> Yup. </em>  </p>
<p>Blake started typing, Yang could see it, and then she stopped.  Then she started again.  Yang took a deep breath, watching the bubbles appear and disappear as Blake went back and forth.</p>
<p>
  <em> Did you mean it last night? </em>
</p>
<p>She bit her lip and closed her eyes.  She took another deep breath before carefully typing her message out.  <em> I don’t remember much, but I love you, my dude.  You’re my best friend. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> You’re my best friend too.   </em>
</p>
<p>Yang leaned back in her chair, her Scroll resting on her chest.  That would have to be enough.  Friendship had to be enough.  She wouldn’t push.  She would leave it as is, because the thought of losing Blake again terrified her.  The thought of Blake leaving again scared her down to her bones.  </p>
<p>She could keep pretending she didn’t know.  For Blake, she would keep pretending and lie and act like everything between them was fine and just friendship.  She would not push.  For Blake, she could do this.</p>
<p>Her hand dug into her hip.  </p>
<p>Friendship was better than nothing.  Having Blake in any capacity was better than nothing.  Loving Blake in silence was better than never seeing her ever again.  She could do this.  For the both of them, she could do this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See you Tuesday!  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Twenty One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, everybody!  We're over the half way point!  Exciting!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So,” Ilia began, bumping up against Blake as she sat down on the pier next to her, “are you seeing anyone?”</p>
<p>Blake’s cheeks flushed, and she ducked her head.  She stared at the water rushing below her feet, swallowing hard.  “No,” she said.  It wasn’t a lie.  It wasn’t.  </p>
<p>She and Yang weren’t together.  Even if her heart leapt every time they touched.  Even if she felt electrified when Yang smiled at her.  Even if she wanted her.  She couldn’t do that to Yang.  She couldn’t be more selfish than she already was.</p>
<p>Ilia nudged her.  “But you like someone,” she said lightly.  “Don’t you?”</p>
<p>“I-”  Her voice caught.  She cleared her throat.  “It doesn’t matter.  It wouldn’t work out between us.”  She sucked her slushie.  </p>
<p>“Why not?” Ilia asked.</p>
<p>“It just wouldn’t.”  She kept her gaze focused on the water.  </p>
<p>Ilia hummed.  “You haven’t gone on a date since the Dickwad.  It’s been four years.”  The water was cold on her skin, but she kept her feet dangling.  “You’re allowed to date.  You know that, right?”</p>
<p>She bit out a hollow laugh.  “I know.”</p>
<p>“You’re allowed to be happy, Blake.”  Ilia nudged her again.  “You shouldn’t keep punishing yourself for what happened.  It was years ago.”</p>
<p>“I’m not punishing myself,” she said.  “I just- it’s easier for everyone if I’m alone.”  </p>
<p>“You know that’s not true,” Ilia said gently.</p>
<p>Blake kept quiet and slurped at her slushie.  </p>
<p>“Blake.  Come on.  You’re not better off alone, no one is better off alone.”  She paused.  “Except the Dickwad.  Cause fuck him.  But seriously.  You can’t honestly believe that you’re better off without people.”  She bumped Blake once more.  “You have me.  You have Sun.  You have Neptune.  You have Yang.”</p>
<p>Her throat bobbed.  “Yeah.  But you all deserve better than me.”</p>
<p>“More like you deserve better than all of us,” Ilia corrected.  “Come on, Blake.  What’re you gonna do when you meet your soulmate?  Tell them, thanks, but I’m too fucked up for this?”  She snorted.  “Accept the fact that some people actually enjoy your company and care about you.”  She paused.  “You know you’re not fucked up, right?”</p>
<p>Blake’s heart caught in her throat.  “But I am,” she said.  </p>
<p>“But you’re <em> not</em>,” Ilia countered.  “You’re quiet and brooding, but you’re not fucked up.”</p>
<p>“Brooding?”  She tried to keep her voice light.  “I am <em>not </em> brooding.”</p>
<p>“You’re missing the point,” she said, gesturing with her root beer float.  “You’re not unloveable, Blake.”  </p>
<p><em> I should be</em>.  She kept the words caged in her throat behind her teeth.  Blake lowered her eyes.  “Thanks, Ilia.”</p>
<p>Ilia shrugged.  “No prob.”  Blake watched as she sucked the float up her straw.  “When do you think you’ll meet them?”</p>
<p>“Meet who?”</p>
<p>Ilia sent her a look.  “Meet Jacques Schnee, who the fuck do you think?  Your soulmate.”  </p>
<p>There was a lump in Blake’s throat.  “I don’t know,” she lied.  “Maybe I’m one of the unlucky ones who’ll never meet their soulmate.”  Brothers, if only she had been so lucky.  If only she had never met Yang.  </p>
<p>But the thought of never getting to know the human embodiment of sunshine that was her soulmate made something inside her chest tear.  </p>
<p>Ilia sighed.  “I saw, Blake.”</p>
<p>“Saw what?”</p>
<p>“Your hip.  I saw when we were getting changed.”  Her hand immediately pressed against the sunflowers, still covered by her jeans.  <em> Fuck</em>.  She thought she had kept it hidden.  Blake kept her gaze on the water as her heart began to race.  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Ilia asked, voice soft.  “You could have told me, you know.”</p>
<p>“Was that what this all was?” she asked, voice thick.  “Trying to get me to confess?”</p>
<p>“I got impatient.”  She could feel Ilia’s eyes on her.  “Seriously, Blake.  Why didn’t you tell me you’d met your soulmate?”</p>
<p>“I haven’t told anyone,” she said softly.  She swallowed thickly.  “No one knows.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean, no one knows?” Ilia asked.  “Why not?  When did you meet them?  What’s going on, Blake?”</p>
<p>She lowered her gaze.  “It’s a long story,” she said.</p>
<p>“I got nothing but time.”</p>
<p>Blake sighed.  Her hand clenched around her slushie.  “We met three years ago.”</p>
<p>“Three- what the fuck, Blake?”</p>
<p>She closed her eyes.  “It was an accident,” she said.  “Someone had shoved her into me, and she fell on top of me, and then she helped me up, and that was that.”  Her fingers dug into her hip.  “And then I ran.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Her eyes clenched tight, already hot with tears brimming.  “I ran, okay?  I looked into her eyes, and I mumbled something to her, and then I ran away.  Okay?  I ran.”  A broken noise left her chest, and she let out a breath through her nose.  “I left her there.”</p>
<p>Ilia went quiet.  She knew she was waiting for Blake to continue, but Blake didn’t know what else to say.  She swallowed thickly.  </p>
<p>“Have you tried to find her?” Ilia asked quietly.  </p>
<p>She opened her eyes, turning her gaze once more to the ocean below her feet.  The world was cloudy through her tears.  “I didn’t.”</p>
<p>“But she found you?”</p>
<p>Blake snorted.  “Not quite.”  Her throat closed up, but she forced herself to keep talking.  “We were, uh, we were in the same bio class.  And we were partnered up.”  Her lip wobbled.  “She didn’t recognize me.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t that how you met Yang?”  Blake stayed quiet, unable to force herself to confirm Ilia’s suspicions.  She waited as her friend put the pieces together, swinging her legs underneath the pier.  “<em>Yang </em> is your soulmate?”</p>
<p>“She has no idea.”  She sniffled.  “And it’s going to stay that way.”</p>
<p>“Blake-”</p>
<p>“It’s going to stay that way,” she cut off.  “She has no idea, and I’m not going to tell her, and neither are you.”  She took a breath as the water splashed against the soles of her feet.  A chill went through her.  “She deserved better than me then, and she still deserves better than me now.”</p>
<p>“<em>Blake</em>-”</p>
<p>“Don’t, Ilia.”  She shook her head.  “Just… I know.  I know.”</p>
<p>Ilia fell silent.  </p>
<p>Blake hung her head.  “She deserves better than me,” she said.  </p>
<p>“No, she deserved better than you running!”  Blake winced, and Ilia sighed.  “What’s your long term plan here, Blake?”</p>
<p>“I don’t- I don’t know.  I don’t have one.”</p>
<p>“Fuck.”</p>
<p>Blake agreed.  “I didn’t- I didn’t mean to befriend her.  I just- we just- it was so <em> easy</em>.  She made it so easy, and I couldn’t say no to her.  I was weak, and she made it so easy.  I am weak.”  She swallowed thickly.  “And then we were friends.  We are friends.”  She closed her eyes once more.  “And I can’t ever tell her.”</p>
<p>Ilia shoved her.  “Hey!”</p>
<p>“Hey yourself!” Ilia snapped.  “What the fuck, Blake?”</p>
<p>Guilt and shame twisted together in her stomach.  “I know,” she said.  “I know.”  She slumped.  “This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.”</p>
<p>“You owe it to Yang to tell her the truth.”</p>
<p>Blake shook her head.  “I <em> can’t</em>,” she said.  </p>
<p>“Can’t or won’t?”</p>
<p>“Does it matter?” she asked.  “I can’t hurt her like that.”</p>
<p>“You already did,” Ilia said.  </p>
<p>“You think I don’t know that?” she asked.  “You think I don’t know that I’ve hurt her and don’t deserve her and that she should hate me and I should get the fuck out of her life?  You think I don’t hate myself for loving her?”  She faltered.  Blake swallowed.  “You think I don’t know that I don’t deserve her?”</p>
<p>“You need to tell her the truth,” Ilia insisted.  “You owe her that much.”</p>
<p>“I know.”  Tears blurred her vision.  “But I can’t do it.”  </p>
<p>Ilia sighed.  “Blake,” she began, voice gentler, “Yang cares about you.  A lot.”</p>
<p>“I know,” she said, voice small.</p>
<p>“I know you know,” Ilia said.  “What’re you going to do?”</p>
<p>“I’m going to be her friend.”  She closed her eyes.  “That’s all I can do.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because she should hate me!  If she doesn’t already, she should hate me.”  Her breath was ragged.  “She should hate me.  But I’m selfish, Ilia, I’m so selfish, and I want her in my life, even though I shouldn’t be anywhere near her.”</p>
<p>“Why did you run?”</p>
<p>Blake faltered.  “Who would want me as their soulmate?” she asked quietly.  “Yang deserves better than me.  I would have just been a burden to her.  And she deserved better than my brand of broken.  Deserves better than that.”</p>
<p>“That wasn’t your decision to make,” Ilia said gently.  “She’s your soulmate.  You don’t think she wanted to get to know you?”</p>
<p>“I just hurt people, Ilia.  I hurt you.  I hurt everyone I’m close to.  I couldn’t bring her into my shit, and now I’m in too deep, and I don’t know what to do.”  Her shoulders slumped.  “I don’t know what to do.”</p>
<p>“You do not hurt us,” Ilia said, but Blake shook her head.</p>
<p>“Yes, I do!”</p>
<p>“You can’t beat yourself up over Adam forever, Blake.”</p>
<p>“I should.”</p>
<p>“No, you shouldn’t.”  Ilia sighed, playing with the ends of her ponytail.  “You’ve suffered enough at his hands.  You can’t keep sabotaging yourself for what happened.”</p>
<p>“Sabotaging myself?  I’m not-”</p>
<p>“Yes, you are!”  Ilia took a deep breath.  “You deserve to be happy, Blake.  And you obviously care about Yang.  Don’t you?”  She nodded, eyes still shut.  “But you can’t be happy with her while you’re lying to her.  The guilt is gonna eat you alive.”  </p>
<p>“But what if I lose her?  What if she hates me?  What if she wants more?”</p>
<p>“All you can do is be honest.”  Ilia slung an arm around Blake, squeezing her tight.  “You’re not a bad person, Blake.  You made a mistake, and yeah, it was a big mistake, but I don’t think Yang will hold that against you.  Not forever.”</p>
<p>“But she should.”</p>
<p>Ilia shrugged.  “Maybe.  But what do you want?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean, what do I want?”</p>
<p>“I mean what do you want with Yang?  Do you want a friendship, do you want a relationship, do you want her out of your life?”</p>
<p>Blake sucked in a breath.  “It doesn’t matter what I want,” she said.</p>
<p>“Yes, yes it does.  Relationships are a two way street, Blake.  It’s not just about the other person.”  Ilia squeezed her tighter.  “You don’t get to make decisions for her.  And your feelings matter too.”</p>
<p>“I forfeited my feelings when I lied to her.”</p>
<p>“You’re entitled to your feelings,” Ilia countered.  “You’re allowed to feel them.  You’re responsible for your responses to them, sure, but you’re allowed to feel what you feel.  And I think you need to figure out what you want.  But you also need to be honest with Yang.  You need to tell her.”</p>
<p>“But I don’t know what I want.”  <em> I don’t know what I deserve</em>.</p>
<p>Ilia shrugged.  “You have time.  But you need to tell her.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Hey, what’s up?” Yang asked.  </p>
<p>Blake sucked in a breath, her fingers curling over the edges of her Scroll as she pressed it to her ear.  “Nothing much.  Just wanted to chat.”</p>
<p>“But you hate calling people.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, you don’t.”  She swallowed thickly.  </p>
<p>“Aww, you miss me, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Blake rolled her eyes, even as she blushed.  “Shut up and just appreciate the fact that I’m calling you.”  She took a deep breath.  “Yang-”</p>
<p>“One sec, Ruby is calling me.”  She could hear Ruby’s voice in the background, and she sucked in a breath.  “Okay, sorry.  She says hi, by the way.”</p>
<p>“Tell her hi back.”</p>
<p>“Ruby, Blake says hi!”</p>
<p>Blake choked out a laugh.  “What’re you up to?”</p>
<p>“Just working on Bumblebee.  What about you?  You that bored that you bothered to call me?”</p>
<p>“I was trying to be nice.”  She rolled her shoulders back.  “You know, do the friendship thing.  Do you not like hearing from me?”  She bit her lip.  </p>
<p>“Blake, I love hearing from you.  I’m just busting your chops.”</p>
<p>“Oh, okay.  Good.”  She closed her eyes.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?  You sound weird.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, fine.  Just… I don’t know.”  She laid back on her bed, staring at the ceiling.  “It’s weird to be home, I guess.”</p>
<p>“Tell me about it,” Yang huffed.  Blake could hear her breath.  She could imagine Yang working on Bumblebee, her hands covered in grease, and her arms bulging as she worked.  She swallowed thickly.  “We’ve been home two weeks, and I’m already ready to jump out of my skin.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>Yang sighed.  “I don’t know.  Just nervous, I guess.  Starting senior year just seems crazy, you know?  Like, you’re going to law school next year.  Ruby’s graduating next year, hell, we’re graduating <em> this </em>year.  It’s just nuts.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.  It is.”  She switched her Scroll to her other ear.  “But we’ll do it together.”</p>
<p>A beat.  “Yeah.  Yeah, we will.”  </p>
<p>Blake closed her eyes.  “Yang, I need to tell you something.”</p>
<p>“What’s up?”</p>
<p>“I-”  The words caught in her throat.  Her eyes grew hot with tears.  She curled into her side, pressing her soulmark into her skip with her hand.  “I just wanted you to know that I love you too,” she said.  “Your friendship means the world to me, and I don’t want to do anything to ruin that.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to say that, Blake,” Yang said softly.  “I know how much those words mean to you, and it’s okay!  I just like you knowing that I love you, because you’re my best friend.  You don’t have to say it back.”</p>
<p>“But I want to!” she rushed.  “I want you to know that I love you too, and how much I care about you.  You’re my best friend, Yang.”  Her throat grew thick.  “And I don’t want to mess us up.”</p>
<p>“You could never mess us up,” Yang dismissed.</p>
<p>
  <em> Yes, I could.  I should. </em>
</p>
<p>Blake swallowed the lump in her throat.  “I don’t plan on it, but still.  I- It’s important to me that you know that I care about you.  A lot.”  She curled tighter into herself.  “You’re my best friend, Yang.  And I don’t ever want to hurt you.”</p>
<p>“Who knew you had such a sappy side?” Yang teased.  “But, really.  Thanks.”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome.”  The words were bitter in her mouth.  <em> You shouldn’t be thanking me!  You should hate me! </em> she wanted to scream at her.  But she kept her mouth closed and kept the words in her chest.  </p>
<p>“Did you just call to tell me that?”</p>
<p>“Maybe.”  She tried to fake a smile, even though Yang couldn’t see her.  “You’re not the only one going stir crazy at home.”</p>
<p>“Good thing we have each other, then.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.  Good thing.”</p>
<p>“Not that I want to hang up, but my dad is calling for me.  Can we keep texting?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course.  Text me.”  </p>
<p>“Alright, see ya.”</p>
<p>“Bye.”</p>
<p>Her Scroll clicked off.  Blake stared into her screen, taking in the photo she had as Yang’s contact.  It was Yang with the sun behind her, lighting up her hair like sparklers.  She was glowing.  She was smiling.  She was wearing those stupid sunglasses that she had gotten for two lien at the mall and refused to take off for half the semester.  </p>
<p>Her heart ached.  She cradled her Scroll in her palms.  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.  Yang kept smiling.  “I’m so sorry, Yang.”</p>
<p>She pressed her Scroll to her chest and curled into a tighter ball.  Blake forced herself to take a deep breath, but the exhale came out as a sob.  She couldn’t do it.  She couldn’t tell Yang.  She couldn’t hurt her like that.  Not again.  </p>
<p>Even though Yang deserved better.  Even though Blake deserved to be hurt.  Even though her heart felt like it was going to burst.  </p>
<p>She could never tell her.  She could never tell her that they were soulmates.  She could never tell her that she thought she was falling in love with her.  She could never tell her so much.</p>
<p><em> Selfish</em>.</p>
<p><em> I know</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See you all Friday!  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Twenty Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, everybody!  Hope you're well.  Enjoy this chapter!  \o/</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yang leaned against the wall, staring at the small slip of paper in her hands. The pink ink practically glowed in the light and burned her eyes.  It was like she had written with a highlighter.  She probably had.  Yang sighed.</p>
<p>“What’re you looking at?” Ruby asked, sliding up beside her.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” she said.  She clenched her fist to hide the paper, but Ruby had already plucked the paper from her hands.  “Ruby!”</p>
<p>Ruby raised her brows as she examined the paper.  “Did someone give you their number?” her sister asked, jaw dropping.  “And you weren’t going to tell me?”  Ruby pressed a hand to her forehead.  “Oh, the betrayal!  The agony!  The horror!”</p>
<p>“Shut up,” she said, attempting to snatch it back, but it was too late.  </p>
<p>“Someone gave Yang their number?”  The party around them stilled, and Yang’s cheeks reddened as everyone turned to look at her.  She snatched the paper back from Ruby’s hands and shoved it deep into her jacket as her friends crowded around her.  “Who?”</p>
<p>“None of your business,” she said smoothly, crossing her arms.  </p>
<p>“It was Neon, wasn’t it?” Weiss asked.  Yang’s smile flickered, and Weiss grinned in triumph.  “It was Neon.”</p>
<p>“Neon?” Ruby asked.</p>
<p>“You know, red head, pigtails, has an actual tail, blue bangs?”  Ruby shook her head, and Weiss sighed.  “You’re hopeless.  You need to talk to more people.”</p>
<p>“Nevermind that, Yang has her number!” Ruby said, elbowing Yang.  “Tell us everything!”</p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  She could feel Blake’s golden gaze on her, and it made her heart race.  “There’s nothing to tell.  She gave me her number, and she told me to give her a call sometime.  That’s it.”</p>
<p>“Are you gonna call her?” Weiss asked.  “Because you should definitely call her.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” she admitted.  She could not look at Blake.  She would not look at Blake.  “I think I’ll just ask her if she did the homework.”</p>
<p>“Oh, come on!” Jaune said.  “You haven’t gone on a date in years, Yang.  You should go out, have a nice time with her!”  He smiled at her.  “You never know how it’ll turn out.”</p>
<p>Her stomach flip-flopped.  “I’m not interested, and I don’t want to lead her on,” she said.  “Besides, it’s a really bad time.  We go home for break next week.”</p>
<p>“So?”  Nora shrugged.  “You should go out!  See if it works out, and if it does, yay, you have a girlfriend for when we get back!  And if it doesn’t, well, it’s just another semester until we all graduate, and then you never have to see her again!”</p>
<p>“Don’t remind me that we graduate next semester,” Yang groaned.</p>
<p>“Don’t change the subject!” Ruby said cheerfully.  </p>
<p>“You should text her.”  Yang stilled, looking up into Blake’s eyes.  Her cheeks were pink, her ears were sagging, but Blake nodded at her.  “You should give it a go.”</p>
<p>Her heart raced beneath her chest.  “You think so?” she asked softly.</p>
<p>“Yeah.  I do.”</p>
<p>They stared at each other.  Yang nodded slowly.  “Alright.  I’ll give her a call.”  Their friends started cheering, but Yang kept looking at Blake.  She was smiling at her, but it was a tight smile.  Yang ignored it and forced herself to smile back, to grin as she should be grinning, but her heart was too busy breaking into pieces.  </p>
<p>
  <em> She doesn’t want you.   </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> She’ll never want you.   </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> How many times does she have to reject you before you get it through your thick skull? </em>
</p>
<p>Yang swallowed, bouncing herself off the wall.  “I’m gonna go call her,” she said, brushing past everyone to move to the back of the house.  She slipped outside, taking a deep breath of the cold night air.  She reached into her jacket pocket and stared at the numbers on the paper and the small rainbow Neon had doodled in the corner.</p>
<p>Maybe this was what she needed.  Maybe she just needed to get over Blake.</p>
<p>She typed the numbers in and hit Call before she could think.</p>
<p>“Yello?”</p>
<p>Yang closed her eyes.  “Hey, Neon.  It’s Yang.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Yang smoothed her top out as she sat down, flashing a smile to Neon as she did.  “Sorry I’m late, traffic was nuts,” she said, shrugging out of her jacket and throwing it down her side of the booth.  She didn’t mention that she had dragged her feet getting out the door and had taken the long way into the center of the city.  Still, she was only five minutes late.  </p>
<p>“No worries!  I was early anyways.”  Neon smiled at her.  There was water already on the table, and Yang grabbed her glass and took a sip.  “Thirsty?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you could say that.”  She raised an eyebrow and forced a wink.  “That was so bad, Neon.”</p>
<p>“But you liked it,” her date countered.  </p>
<p>Yang shrugged.  “Never said I didn’t.”  She took another drink of water, never breaking eye contact.  She could do this.  She knew how to flirt.  Still, her stomach twisted.</p>
<p>Neon smiled, handing Yang the menu.  “Have you been here before?”</p>
<p>“I can’t say I have.”</p>
<p>“It’s really good.  The wraps are all amazing, so if you’re thinking about getting one, you totally should!”</p>
<p>“Duly noted.  Thanks.”  </p>
<p>She let her gaze trail over the menu.  They were silent as they each picked their items, only interrupted by quick questions from Yang to Neon about what certain things were.  Her stomach tightened, and not from hunger.  </p>
<p>She cleared her throat, not looking up from the menu.  “You know, I always thought you and Flynt were together,” she said casually, flipping the page.</p>
<p>Neon snorted.  “Most people do,” she said.  “It’s so hard trying to get a date when everyone thinks you’re in love with your soulmate.”</p>
<p>“You’re soulmates?”  Neon nodded.  “Oh, I didn’t know.”</p>
<p>Neon shrugged.  “We’re best friends.  It doesn’t really matter.  Well, like, it does matter, or it will matter, but only if this works out because he’s my best friend and we’re really, really close.”  She winked at Yang, but she ignored it.</p>
<p>“And you never wanted to, you know, get together with him?”  Neon gave her a look.  Yang cleared her throat.  “I’m sorry, I just realized how rude that was.”</p>
<p>“It’s alright,” Neon sighed.  “I’m used to it.”  </p>
<p>“I’m sorry that you’re used to it, then.”  Yang flexed her fingers underneath the tables.  </p>
<p>“It’s okay, really.”  Neon brightened up.  “But now I get to ask you an invasive question.”</p>
<p>“Sure, it’s only fair.  Shoot.”</p>
<p>“Do you have a soulmate?”</p>
<p>Yang’s jaw clenched.  She looked down into her water.  “Yeah.  Yeah, I do.”</p>
<p>“Have you met them?”  Neon’s voice was softer now.</p>
<p>For once, Yang was struck with the urge to tell the truth.  “Yeah.”  </p>
<p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Neon asked gently.  </p>
<p>“We’re on a date, I shouldn’t-”</p>
<p>“Yang,” Neon interrupted, raising a brow, “soulmates are important.  Our relationships to them are important.  If you want to talk about it, you should, like, talk about it.”  She smiled, reaching over to grab Yang’s hand.  “And it seems like you need to talk about it right now.”</p>
<p>Yang sighed.  “My soulmate ran away from me the second we touched,” she said.  Her hand drifted to her hip.  “This is my first date since then.”  Her throat bobbed.  “Guess I’m not as over it as I thought.”</p>
<p>“Fuck, that’s awful.”  Neon squeezed her hand.  “I thought that shit only happened in movies and books.”</p>
<p>“Guess not.”  Neon sighed.  “You okay?”</p>
<p>“I guess you’re not ready for a relationship, then.”</p>
<p>Yang nodded, at least having the decency to look away.  “I’m sorry.  I wanted to try this, because you’re great, but I think it’s just a little too raw.”</p>
<p>“I may be great, but you got to deal with your stuff, you know?”  Neon squeezed her hand again.  “And that’s not, like, me saying you have too much baggage or whatever.  What I’m saying is that you need to let yourself heal and all that.  You can’t move on from them until you accept what happened.”</p>
<p>Yang lowered her gaze.  “Can I be honest with you?  Like, really, really honest?”</p>
<p>Neon nodded.  “They call me Dr. Neon for a reason,” she joked.  “But yeah, go for it.”  Her eyes sparkled.  “If I can’t date you, I want to at least be your friend.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>“No prob.”  Neon made a flapping gesture with her free hand.  “Now what were you saying?”</p>
<p>“So no one knows that I’ve met my soulmate, right?”  Neon nodded, tilting her head.  “Well, I found her.  And I pretended I didn’t recognize her, and now we’re friends, and-”  Her throat thickened.  “And I think I love her.”</p>
<p>“And you still went on a date with me?” Neon asked, raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“I can’t- we can’t be together.  And I want to get over her, I want to stop feeling like this.  I was hoping that we would go out, and I would develop feelings for you.”</p>
<p>“No shame,” Neon said.  “Go on.”</p>
<p>Yang sighed, lowering her gaze.  “I don’t know what to do,” she said.  “Because if I tell her I recognized her, she’s going to run again, I know it.  But I can’t keep living like this.”  She sighed.  “You never wanted more with Flynt?”</p>
<p>“Well, for one thing, I’m not attracted to guys.  Like, at all.  For another, it’s like I just want to be there for him.  Like, he’s about to propose to his long time girlfriend after we graduate, and I’m so happy for him.  I want him to be happy, and we’re happiest together as friends.”  Neon shrugged.  “So, no.  We’ve just always worked best as friends.”</p>
<p>There was a lump in her throat.  “And you never even wanted to try?  It was just always friendship?”</p>
<p>“Again, very, very gay.  But no, not really.”  She shrugged.  “And as far as I know, Flynt never wanted to try, either.  Like, we just work best as friends.  I think soulmates get a sense of what works for them.  You know?  Like, I don’t want to believe that life is that cruel.”  Another shrug.  “You should talk to her.  She probably has feelings for you too.”</p>
<p>“How could you know that?”</p>
<p>Neon rolled her eyes.  “Uh, because I’m gonna guess that your soulmate is Blake, and I have eyes.  She, like, totally has feelings for you.”  She spread her hands out on the table with a smile.  “I was worried she was going to bite my head off after I gave you my number.”</p>
<p>All the air left her lungs.  “Who said Blake was my soulmate?” she choked out.</p>
<p>“Again, I have eyes.  And I’m not as dumb as I look.”  Neon stretched, her tail waving behind her.  “So she thinks you don’t know that you’re her soulmate, and you’re trying to keep her from finding out that you do know, all the while you two have been falling head over heels for one another and are pretending to just be friends.  Did I get that right?”</p>
<p>Yang nodded, biting her tongue.  “But Blake doesn’t have feelings for me.  She’s actually the one who told me to go on this date.”</p>
<p>“Blake has Issues with a capital I.  Not that that’s a bad thing, but if she ran away from you, her soulmate, she probably has a lot going on.  Of course she’s not going to confront her feelings.”  Neon’s fingers tapped against the table.  “I’ve seen the way she looks at you.  She likes you, Yang.  And if you like her, think you love her, you should tell her.  Be honest with her, about everything.”</p>
<p>“What if she runs again?”</p>
<p>“Then you part knowing you at least tried.”  Neon’s eyes softened.  “I mean, wouldn’t it kill you?  Never knowing what could have been?  Don’t you want to try?”  Yang just stared at her.  Neon sighed.  “Maybe it’s just me, but trying and failing is better than never trying at all.”</p>
<p>“Even if it ruins our friendship?”</p>
<p>“Yang, you’re both lying to each other.  That’s not a friendship, that’s exhausting.  Try honesty.  At the very least, you’ll get that weight off your chest and be done with it.  Either you two are sickeningly sweet together and work it out, or you don’t.  Either way, you get an answer.  You figure it out instead of living in this limbo.”</p>
<p>Yang took a deep breath.  “I don’t want to lose her.  Having her like this is better than not having her at all.”</p>
<p>“It’s your decision.  But, if I were in your shoes, I would talk to her.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Yang took a deep breath.  She knocked on the door, heart hammering in her chest.  She shifted her weight between her feet and bit her tongue as the door opened to reveal Blake.  Yang’s smile wobbled, but she took in Blake’s pajamas and mussed hair.</p>
<p>“Did I wake you up?” she asked, biting her lip.  </p>
<p>“No, I was just getting ready to head to bed.  You okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I just… Can we talk?”</p>
<p>Blake stiffened, but she opened the door further to let Yang inside.  “Sure.”  She gestured toward the couch.  “Take a seat.”  Yang did, bouncing on the mattress as she did.  She watched as Blake locked the door and sat in her desk chair.  “What’s up?”  Her brows knit together.  “Wasn’t your date with Neon tonight?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah it was.”  She swallowed thickly.</p>
<p>“Did it not go well?”</p>
<p>“No, it was fine.  Great, actually.”</p>
<p>“Oh.  Awesome.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.  I think we’ll be good friends.”</p>
<p>Blake’s head shot up.  “So you’re not going on another date, then?” she asked, not looking at Yang.  Her ears were sagging, and she was holding her right leg to her chest.  She almost looked like a little kid.  </p>
<p>“No.  Just friends.”  The words she wanted to say caught in her throat.  She closed her eyes and took another deep breath.  She opened her eyes, and Blake was still there.  “Do you have a soulmate?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Do you have a soulmate?”</p>
<p>She watched as Blake’s throat bobbed.  “Yes.”</p>
<p>Yang nodded.  “Me too.”  She let out a breath.  “Did I ever tell you about my parents?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“So, my parents were soulmates, right?”  She waited until Blake nodded.  “And they were in love.  At least, my dad was.  I don’t know about my mom.  Then again, I don’t know anything about my mom.”  Deep breath.  “But my dad always said that they were happy.</p>
<p>“A few weeks after I was born, my mom up and left.  Disappeared one day.  No one knows where she went or where she is now.  She just disappeared.”  Blake looked up at her, and Yang’s heart quickened, but she forced herself to keep talking.  “My dad was crushed.  My uncle Qrow told me he fell into a deep depression.  No one really talks about it, about my mom, so I don’t know a lot.</p>
<p>“But Ruby’s mom, my real mom, Summer, took care of him, and they fell in love.”  She swallowed.  “They had Ruby, and it was great.  My dad loved her, and she loved him, and she loved me.  They were happy.  We were happy.</p>
<p>“And no one talks about my birth mother, Raven.  We don’t talk about her.  And it sucks.”  She loosed a breath.  “But you know what my dad always told me?”  She didn’t wait for Blake to respond.  She wasn’t sure if Blake was breathing.  Fuck.  “That he didn’t regret it.  He didn’t regret meeting my mother, loving her.  I don’t know why, I don’t know if he wishes he did, but he doesn’t.  </p>
<p>“He doesn’t regret meeting his soulmate, even though she hurt him.  He doesn’t regret loving her.”  Her breath caught.  “Blake-”</p>
<p>“Yang, stop.”  Blake’s voice was shaking, and Blake wasn’t looking at her.  “Please, <em> stop </em>.”</p>
<p>Yang closed her eyes.  “I know, Blake.  I’ve always known.”</p>
<p>The room went still with quiet.</p>
<p>“What?”  Blake’s voice was a rasp.</p>
<p>“I knew from the moment I saw you in biology, who you were to me.  I knew.  I’ve always known.”  She cleared her throat.  “I’m sorry for lying to you.  I just- I didn’t want to hurt you.  I <em> don’t </em> want to hurt you.”</p>
<p>“Yang-”</p>
<p>“Blake-”</p>
<p>They both fell silent.  Yang cleared her throat and looked up at her.  She’d never seen Blake so pale.  “You’re my soulmate.  I could never want to hurt you.”  Something unfurled its wings in her chest and took flight.  Brothers, she could <em> breathe </em>.  “You’re my soulmate.”</p>
<p>Blake nodded.  She still wasn’t looking at her.  “Why now?” she asked hoarsely.  “Why are you doing this now?”</p>
<p>“Because Neon made me realize something.”  She took a deep breath, reveling in the lightness of her chest.  “I want you in my life, Blake.  I want <em> you</em>.  Not because you’re my soulmate, but because you’re you.  I want you in my life, and I want to be honest with you, and I want to stop lying and I want to tell you that I think I love you.”  Her breath caught.  “I think I’m in love with you.”</p>
<p>Blake shook her head.  “You shouldn’t.”</p>
<p>“But I am.”  She tried smiling at Blake, but it flickered.  “I want you, Blake.  However you’ll have me, I want you.  As friends, as girlfriends, as whatever.  I want you in my life.  And I want to be honest with you because we’re soulmates, and I’m tired of lying to you.  I’m so tired.  Aren’t you?”</p>
<p>Blake looked away from her.  </p>
<p>“Aren’t you?”  Her voice cracked.  Blake still wasn’t looking at her.  “You’re my friend, Blake.  I want to be your friend and be honest about who we are to each other.  Because I care about you.  A lot.  And I’m tired of lying, Blake.  I’m tired of pretending I don’t care about you as much as I do, I’m tired of pretending we don’t have these marks on our hips, I’m tired of pretending that I don’t love you as more than a friend.  If you just want to be friends, that’s fine, Blake, that’s more than fine.  But I needed you to know.”  She swallowed thickly.  “I need you to know.”</p>
<p>Yang loosed a breath.  “So do you want to try this out?  Pretend this never happened?  What do <em> you </em> want, Blake?  Because this goes two ways.”  <em> Doesn’t it? </em></p>
<p>Blake didn’t look up at her.  </p>
<p>“Blake.”</p>
<p>Blake winced, and desperation clawed at Yang’s throat.</p>
<p>“Blake, <em> talk to me</em>, please.”  She wasn’t above begging.  She would get on her knees, if only to hear her voice.  The quiet, the silence was killing her.  She needed her response.  She needed an answer.  </p>
<p>“I need- I need time.”  Blake’s voice was shaking.  </p>
<p>Yang nodded.  Something withered in her stomach.  She ignored it.  She forced herself to her feet with another nod.  “Right.  Okay.”  She nodded again.  “Take as much time as you need, then.”  There was a lump in her throat.  “Just- let me know, okay?  Your decision.  Whatever it is.  If you want me, us, to keep being friends, to try something new, or whatever.  Just let me know, okay?”</p>
<p>Blake nodded.  She still wasn’t looking at her.  “I will.”  She didn’t move.  </p>
<p>Yang let herself out and closed the door, but Blake didn’t get up and lock the door until Yang was half way down the hall.  She listened to the click of the lock, and she knew Blake’s answer.  She took a deep breath, swallowing the agony that bloomed in her chest.  She forced herself down the hall and back to the townhouse she shared with Weiss, Ruby, and Penny.  Her blood shook in her veins, and she swallowed the tears that threatened to race down her cheeks.</p>
<p>Blake just needed time.  So she would get time.  Yang could give her that.  </p>
<p>Fuck, she shouldn’t have sprung that on her, shouldn’t have told her she knew and that she was falling in love with her in the same night, but she couldn’t hold it in.  It had all just fallen out of her chest and passed through her lips like a raging river.  She couldn’t force herself to regret it, though.  </p>
<p>Not yet.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She didn’t see Blake the rest of the week.  Then break hit.  When she got home, her Scroll buzzed with messages from everyone except Blake, even Sun, who had simply let their group know that they’d gotten back to Menagerie safely.  Blake didn’t text in their group chat, which wasn’t out of character for her, but she didn’t text Yang, either.  Which was.</p>
<p>Yang was used to sending Blake whatever memes she’d found throughout her scrolling, used to texting her whatever thoughts sprang into her head, used to not having to hold back.  She forced herself to not text her.  She wouldn’t harass her.  If Blake needed time, she would get time.  So she didn’t text her.</p>
<p>Two weeks passed.  </p>
<p>Then a month.</p>
<p>Then it was the day before they went back, and Yang still hadn’t heard from her.</p>
<p>Yang sighed, staring at her Scroll and the message she had typed and retyped a dozen times over the past few hours.  She wondered if Blake had seen the bubbles appear, if she had been watching Yang’s uncertainty.</p>
<p>
  <em> Hey.  How do you want to do this? </em>
</p>
<p>Her finger wavered over SEND.  Yang bit her lip, and she leaned back onto her bed with a sigh.  Her thumb hit against the screen, and she hit send before her back hit the mattress.  Panic sparked through her, but it was too late.  She had already hit SEND, and she couldn’t take it back.  </p>
<p>She started to type out an apology for bothering her when the bubbles appeared, letting her know Blake was typing.  Her breath stilled in her chest.  She watched as they danced before her eyes.  </p>
<p>
  <em> I still need time, Yang. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I know.  But we go back to school tomorrow, how do you want to handle this? </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I won’t bother you.   </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> You’re never a bother. </em>
</p>
<p>Blake didn’t respond.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“What is going on with Blake?” Weiss demanded, crossing her arms.  </p>
<p>Yang’s throat thickened.  She shrugged, keeping her head down as she kept working on her homework.  “I don’t know,” she said.  “I think she’s just busy with school.”  </p>
<p>“It’s our senior spring, what could she be busy with?” Weiss asked.  “Why is she avoiding us?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.  She hasn’t talked to me in ages.”  She tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice.  Yang cleared her throat.  “I think she’s just trying to keep her head down and get through the last bit of it before law school.”  </p>
<p>Weiss huffed, sitting on the edge of her bed as she pulled off her shoes.  “When she even bothers to respond to my texts, they’re one word answers.”  Weiss’s voice softened.  “I’m worried about her.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, Weiss,” she said.  “She’s not talking to me.”</p>
<p>“Did you two have a fight or something?”</p>
<p>“What?  No.  Why would you even ask that?”  Fighting meant that they were talking, which they most certainly weren’t.  Blake hadn’t bothered talking to her since the day before school started almost a month ago.  Yang clenched her fist.  </p>
<p>“Because you’re the one she talks to the most, and she’s even responding to my texts.  If she’s not talking to you, something is wrong.  What happened?”</p>
<p>“Nothing happened.”  Yang shifted.  “But she made it plenty clear that she doesn’t want to talk to me.”</p>
<p>“What’s going on, Yang?”</p>
<p>Yang sighed.  “I don’t know.  And she doesn’t want me to know.  And that’s fine.”  It was fine.  It had to be fine.  </p>
<p>“Yang-”</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” she interrupted.  </p>
<p>“Blake is not fine.  She needs us.”</p>
<p>“Well, she’s made it plenty clear that she doesn’t want me in her life.”  </p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“Nothing happened.”  Absolutely nothing.  That was the problem.</p>
<p>“Yang, I’m really worried.  About the both of you.”  Yang stiffened, but Weiss kept talking.  “Ever since we got back from break, you haven’t been the same.  What happened?”</p>
<p>“You want the truth?” Yang scoffed.  “Blake doesn’t want me in her life anymore.  That’s what happened.”</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>Yang closed her eyes.  Her hand twitched.  “I asked her out.  She asked for time, and I’ve given her space and time and she still won’t talk to me.  And I’ve ruined everything.”  She swallowed thickly.  “So she doesn’t want me in her life anymore, and that’s fine.”</p>
<p>“But Blake <em> likes </em> you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, apparently she doesn’t.”  Yang opened her eyes and tried to refocus her gaze on her laptop through the mist of hot tears at the ready.  “And it’s fine.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to talk to her,” Weiss said.</p>
<p>Yang spun around in her chair.  “Do not.”</p>
<p>“Why?  She can’t shut us all out because of this-”</p>
<p>“She’s my soulmate.”</p>
<p>Weiss stilled, and her eyes narrowed.  “What.”</p>
<p>Yang forced herself to look at Weiss and nod.  “Blake is my soulmate.  But she doesn’t want me, and she never has, and it’s fine.  And we’re going to drop it, Weiss.”  Her voice took on a sharp edge, and Weiss opened her mouth.  “We’re dropping it.  Because she’s made it plenty clear that she doesn’t want me in her life.”</p>
<p>“She looks like a ghost, Yang.  She’s not okay.  And neither are you.”</p>
<p>Yang took a deep breath.  “She has my number.  I told her to call me when she was ready, and she hasn’t called.  I’m not going to push it, Weiss.  She’s been through enough without me pushing her boundaries.”</p>
<p>“You two need to talk.”</p>
<p>“You think I don’t know that?” she snapped.  “She’s the one that doesn’t want to talk.  She’s the one that’s not responding to my messages.  She’s the one that won’t reach out.  The ball is in her court, Weiss, and I can’t do a damned thing.”  She tried to take a deep breath, but it fell short.  “Blake has made her choice.  And I need to accept that.”</p>
<p>Weiss closed her mouth.  “What happened?”</p>
<p>Yang told her everything.  How they met that day in the coffee shop.  How Blake had run.  How they were partnered in bio and Yang had pretended to not recognize her.  How she had fallen in love with her.  How Neon had convinced her to talk to Blake.  How she had gone to Blake and bared her soul and gotten nothing in return except silence.  Nothing but this awful fucking silence.</p>
<p>“I’m going to kill her.”</p>
<p>Yang shook her head.  “Don’t, Weiss.”</p>
<p>Weiss glared at her.  “Oh, yes, I am.  She does not get to run from you again.”  Yang winced.  “She does not get to do this to you.”</p>
<p>“Just leave it, Weiss.”</p>
<p>“How are you not angry right now?”</p>
<p>“You don’t think I’m angry?” she asked, voice still.  “I’m fucking furious.  But I can’t do a damned thing about it, because I love her, and if I hurt her, I’ll hate myself for it.  She doesn’t want me, and that’s fine, and I just have to live with that.”  She blew her hair out of her face.  “She abandoned me, Weiss.  I told her I love her, and she abandoned me.”  Yang clenched her jaw.  “She doesn’t want me in her life, and that’s fine.  It’s fine, and I’m not going to push it when she’s already made her choice plenty clear.”</p>
<p>“This is ridiculous!”</p>
<p>“You’re telling me.”</p>
<p>“You two need to talk.  Someone needs to talk some sense into her.”</p>
<p>“Don’t bother.  I’ve given her space, I’ve given her time, and she obviously doesn’t want anything to do with me.”  She sighed, running her fingers through her hair.  “And if she doesn’t have the balls to say that to my face, then I don’t want anything to do with her, either.”</p>
<p>“You don’t mean that.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I do.”</p>
<p>“You love her.”</p>
<p>Yang snorted.  “Yeah, and look where that’s gotten me.”  She gestured around.  “She’s abandoned me, and now I don’t have her in my life at all.  My feelings obviously don’t matter here.”  </p>
<p>“You know Blake.  You know she wouldn’t be doing this if she didn’t think it was right.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, tough shit.  I just asked her to tell me what she wants, and she hasn’t.  So she’s not talking to me, and that’s fine.”  </p>
<p>“Yang, it’s not fine.  You two are so obviously not fine.”</p>
<p>“That’s her choice!” she snapped.  Her chest heaved.  “I’ve done everything I can do, Weiss.  And I’m tired.”</p>
<p>“She’s your soulmate.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, she doesn’t want to be mine.”  She turned her head.  “I should’ve just left it alone.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Yang didn’t see Blake for the rest of the year.  They graduated, and Yang sent her a congratulations text, but Blake didn’t respond.  She occasionally debated texting her, but she was at a loss for words.  What could she say?  Nothing she said would change Blake’s mind, and that was fine.  It was fine.  She was fine.</p>
<p>She knew from the beginning she could never have her.  But she had been stubborn, and she had refused to accept reality.  Yang had wanted, dammit, still wanted, and she had hoped.  She should have known better.</p>
<p>She should have known better.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See you all Sunday!  Take care of yourselves!  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Twenty Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, everybody!  Hope you're doing well after that chapter.  Ahem.  Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Law school was a bitch.  But it kept her busy, and that was what mattered.  She needed to keep busy, needed to keep her mind occupied and her thoughts at bay.  If she was too tired to think, that was good.  If she was too busy to remember, that was good.  If she ran herself ragged until she forgot, that was good.</p>
<p>But that was the trick, wasn’t it?  Forgetting only lasted a little while, and it came hurtling back into her, each time pummeling into her like a meteor.  It made her chest ache.  She would always remember, in the end.  Forgetting was only a brief salvation, but it was the only kind she could get.  Not that she deserved any salvation for what she had done.</p>
<p>
  <em> I think I’m in love with you. </em>
</p>
<p>The words haunted her every step, every breath, every waking moment.  She couldn’t escape them.  She had thought having Adam’s voice drilling into her had been bad, but this was so much worse.  Although Adam still had plenty to say to her, but, most days, her brain was quiet except for the spiral of Yang’s raw voice.</p>
<p>
  <em> I think I’m in love with you.  I think I’m in love with you.  I think I’m in love with you. </em>
</p>
<p>She couldn’t breathe any more.  She knew she had to be exchanging air in her lungs, if only because she was still alive, if only because she still hurt.  But there was an ever-present weight on her chest that dragged her down and kept her from feeling free.  She was a caged animal.  She deserved it.</p>
<p>
  <em> I think I’m in love with you. </em>
</p>
<p>Sometimes, when it all bubbled up and overwhelmed her, she’d open her Scroll up and look through their messages.  Yang had sent her a handful since that awful night, but she would force herself to breeze past those and focus on the messages from before.  Light, silly things.  But she would inevitably scroll back down and look at all the messages she had left unanswered.</p>
<p>
  <em> You’re never a bother. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Are you coming to movie night?  Ruby wants to know. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I’m sorry.  I should have left it alone. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Everyone misses you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Congrats on graduating.  You’re gonna be a great lawyer someday. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Happy birthday. </em>
</p>
<p>She hadn’t gotten a message in five months, the longest break between them yet.  She wasn’t sure what she wanted more, for the messages to end or for them to keep coming.  She’d sometimes be reading over them when Yang would start typing, only to stop.  Her heart would ache then, and her already shaky resolve would crack.  </p>
<p>But she would put her Scroll down and focus on her work, and it was fine.  </p>
<p>She was fine.</p>
<p>
  <em> I think I’m in love with you. </em>
</p>
<p>She was not fine.</p>
<p>A part of her knew that.  A part of her knew that something was wrong with her, that she was hurting herself.  But she couldn’t hurt Yang if she wasn’t close to her.  Yang was worth it, worth the pain.  Yang deserved better than her.</p>
<p>But everytime the panic threatened to overtake her, everytime tears wanted to run down her cheeks, everytime a sob tried to break out of her chest, she would just go back to her work.  There was plenty of it to do.  Law school wasn’t messing around, and she had to focus.  </p>
<p>So she put her head down, and she worked.</p>
<p>
  <em> I think I’m in love with you. </em>
</p>
<p>Some nights, she’d consider writing back to Yang.  Some nights, usually after a too-long day, she’d think about what she would say.  How she would cleave her chest open and leave it all in the open, and then just be done with it.  Be done with Yang.</p>
<p>But she didn’t want to be done with Yang.  She wanted her.  But Blake’s feelings didn’t matter, they couldn’t.  Yang was what mattered, Yang deserved better, and Blake needed to keep her away.  She needed to protect her.  </p>
<p>One night, she’d gone back to her apartment and tried drinking, if only to see if that helped.  It hadn’t, it just made her brain fuzzy and sleepy and dulled.  Blake had chugged a bottle of wine, forgoing the glass.  She didn’t remember what it tasted like, and at the time, she hadn’t bothered to care.  </p>
<p>She had gotten as far as writing <em> Dear Yang </em> on a sheet of paper when she had started to sob.</p>
<p>Blake had cried that entire night away.  Her eyes had been red and puffy in the morning, and her voice had been raw and scratchy.  She had still gone to class and forced herself to pay attention, forced herself to listen and learn and suffer.  She deserved it.  She deserved every ounce of pain she felt.</p>
<p>
  <em> I think I’m in love with you. </em>
</p>
<p>She was a monster.  She was selfish, and cruel, and weak.  Blake should have told her to her face, should have explained.  But she couldn’t.  She knew what Yang would say, how she would have argued, and she was too weak to stand strong with Yang.  It was easier if she simply removed herself from the equation, it was only possible to help Yang if she took herself out of her life.</p>
<p>Blake knew she was hurting Yang.  She knew it, and she hated herself for it, but she told herself she couldn’t regret it.  Not when she was sparing Yang from the bullshit of her life.  Not when she was giving Yang an out.  Not when Yang could go and find someone who actually deserved her.</p>
<p>Brothers, the thought of Yang with someone else made her want to throw up.  But that was what she wanted, wasn’t it?  Blake wanted Yang to be happy and healthy, and the only way she could be happy and healthy was if Blake wasn’t in her life.  And that was fine.  It was fine, and Yang could now go and find someone else, and she could fall in love with them, and she could be happy.</p>
<p>
  <em> I think I’m in love with you. </em>
</p>
<p>Yang deserved someone who could love her like she deserved to be loved.  Yang deserved someone who wasn’t broken and shattered and scarred.  Yang deserved someone who could match her brightness and her light and give her everything she deserved and more.  </p>
<p>That wasn’t Blake.  Blake, who walked around with her ex’s voice in her head.  Blake, who had hurt so many people.  Blake, who could never give Yang what she deserved.  Blake, who could never be enough.  Blake, who could only love Yang by hurting her.</p>
<p>And she did love her.  It terrified her, how much she loved Yang.  How easy it was to love her.  Yang was like the sun, and Blake was like the damned and beautiful sunflowers on her hip; she naturally grew towards her.  It was basic biology, basic magnetism.  Yang was the sun, and Blake wanted to be close to her.  It was that simple.</p>
<p>In a perfect world, one where Blake wasn’t broken, she could love her and be loved by her.  She could imagine herself deserving of Yang’s love and being able to return it without fear of hurting her.  She dreamed of being able to give Yang her heart and holding Yang’s own in her chest, careful and incapable of hurting it.  She wanted a world where she was defenseless and safe to love.</p>
<p>But this was not that world, and Blake was all sharp edges and nothing but pain for Yang.  She knew with a certainty that she could never be enough for Yang, would never deserve her, so why torture herself?  Why torture Yang when she knew it would only end in more heartbreak?  No, this was the safer option.  This was the safest option.</p>
<p>Safety had never hurt so much.</p>
<p>
  <em> I think I’m in love with you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I think I’m in love with you. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I think I’m in love with you. </em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Chai tea?” the barista called.  Blake went up and grabbed her tea before going back to her seat at the counter, her laptop open and report half finished.  Well, half finished if she was lucky.  More like a third finished, but she had hope.  It wasn’t due until the end of the week, so she had time, but she had been getting all of her work done early.  It was the only thing she had to do nowadays, after all.</p>
<p>Blake resumed typing once more, reluctantly putting her tea on the table.  It would be too hot to drink, and she wasn’t in the mood to burn her tongue.  The soothing click and clack of her keyboard felt natural, and she was in the zone once more.  </p>
<p>The door opened, bell ringing, but she didn’t bother looking up.  The cafe was popular, unfortunately so, but they made some of the best chai tea lattes in the city.  They were always worth the wait, and she didn’t mind the buzz of people around her.  It was the most human interaction she got some days.  Most days, if she was honest.</p>
<p>Her ears picked up on a familiar sharp intake of breath.  Her heart went still.  She didn’t dare turn her head, and she forced herself to keep typing.  Her fingers refused to cooperate, though, and they laid on top of the keys, frozen.  She couldn’t move.  She couldn’t breathe.</p>
<p>“One medium black coffee, please.”</p>
<p>Blake closed her eyes.  That voice.  That beautiful, damning voice.</p>
<p>She tried to sink down in her chair, pressed her ears to her head, and prayed that she wouldn’t notice her.  Of course, the Brothers had never been merciful before.</p>
<p>“Blake.”  Her voice was cold.</p>
<p>Blake sighed, and she forced herself to look up at her.  “Hi, Yang.”</p>
<p>Yang took the seat beside her.  Blake couldn’t look her in the eyes.  Instead, she focused on her lips, her chin, her collarbones.  She could feel the warmth of her freckled and tanned skin, even though they were inches apart.  Yang was tilted towards her, sitting sideways in the chair.  Her gaze was ice cold, even though Blake didn’t meet it.  She still felt the chill.</p>
<p>Blake cleared her throat.  “How have you been?” she asked softly.  </p>
<p>“Fine,” Yang said coolly.  “You?”</p>
<p>“Fine.”  Her throat bobbed.  </p>
<p>Yang nodded.  “It’s been over a year.”</p>
<p>Blake closed her eyes.  “I’m sorry, Yang.”</p>
<p>“You’re sorry?” Yang spat.  Blake winced.  “Over a fucking year, and <em> now </em> you’re sorry?”  She scoffed.  “Yeah, okay, sure, Blake.  Sure.”</p>
<p>The words died in her throat.  All the explanations, all her defenses, all her conviction fell away.  She took a deep breath.  “I-”  Her words fell away.  “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Yang blew her hair out of her face.  Blake could feel the warmth of her breath on her cheeks.  “You weren’t joking when you said you needed time.”</p>
<p>“I never meant-”</p>
<p>“Never meant to what, Blake?” Yang seethed.  “Never meant to hurt me?  Because you did, and it was obvious you didn’t give a shit about it.  About me.”</p>
<p>Blake shook her head.  “No, that wasn’t it.  I-”  She blew out a breath.  She was trembling.  Her eyes darted around, bouncing from the sleek metal of Yang’s hand to the smooth walls of the cafe to the keyboard of her laptop.  “I did what I thought was best.”  </p>
<p>“How was abandoning me best?” she asked.  “How was ignoring me best?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to hurt you anymore!”  She sucked in a breath.  She couldn’t force herself to meet Yang’s eyes.  She lowered her voice.  “I wanted you to be happy.  And you couldn’t be happy with me.”</p>
<p>“I <em> was </em> happy with you,” she hissed.  </p>
<p>Blake winced.  “I didn’t want to hurt you anymore than I had to,” she said.  She squirmed under Yang’s gaze.  The words wanted to tear out of her chest, and she couldn’t stop them.  “I told you once that I don’t work.  And I don’t.  I don’t work.  I refuse to bring you down with me, Yang.”  She lifted her chin, but she couldn’t bring herself to meet Yang’s eyes.  “You deserve better.”</p>
<p>“And I told you you’re not broken!  I told you I loved you.”  Yang’s voice ripped into her, and she couldn’t stop her wince.  “I loved you, and you left me.  No explanation.  No goodbye.  Nothing.  You just left me.”</p>
<p>Blake closed her eyes.  “I couldn’t be enough for you, Yang.  I would never be enough for you.”</p>
<p>“I know you, Blake.  Or I thought I did.”  Yang huffed.  “I loved you.  Not just the easy parts, I loved <em> you</em>.”  Yang’s voice cracked.  “You were the best thing to happen to me.  You were my best friend, and I wanted you in my life.  That’s it.  I just wanted you in my life.  For fuck’s sake, I just wanted a response.”</p>
<p>“I would never be enough.  I would never deserve you.”</p>
<p>“But what about what I wanted?  What I deserved?”</p>
<p>“You deserved better than me.”</p>
<p>“But I wanted you.  You didn’t let me choose.”  Yang sighed.  “What about what you wanted?”</p>
<p>“What I want doesn’t matter.  What matters is what you deserve.”</p>
<p>“Why not?  Why doesn’t it matter?  Why doesn’t what we want matter?”</p>
<p>“Because I would just hurt you in the end!  Because you deserve to be happy with someone who deserves you, and I didn’t deserve you then, I don’t deserve you now, and if I stayed I would have just hurt you way worse.”  Her throat bobbed.  “I would have hurt you so much worse.”</p>
<p>“No, you wouldn’t have.  You did the worst thing you could have done.  You left me.”</p>
<p>“Black coffee?”  </p>
<p>Yang got up, and Blake didn’t stop her.  She held her breath as she watched Yang grab her coffee.  Yang had to know that Blake was watching her, if only from the way her shoulders were so tight.  </p>
<p>“Wait.”  Blake was on her feet, tripping out of her chair as Yang turned away from her to the door.  “Yang, wait.  Please, wait.”</p>
<p>Yang stiffened.  She turned, and Blake forced herself to meet those lilac eyes.  “Why?”  Yang didn’t turn around.  </p>
<p>Blake stepped closer to her.  “We need to talk.”</p>
<p>“So now you want to talk?”  </p>
<p>“Please, Yang.”  She closed her eyes.  “Please.”</p>
<p>She heard Yang take a step forward.  She shuddered, but she didn’t stop her.  She turned and went back to her laptop, tears threatening to spill over.  She sat down in her chair and took a deep breath.  </p>
<p>The bells above the door sang as Yang walked out.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Blake stared at her Scroll.  She had been staring at her Scroll for over an hour.  She had watched the minutes slouch past her, simultaneously taking forever and flying by.  She took a deep breath.  She could do this.  No, she had to do this.  </p>
<p>Her finger pressed Call.</p>
<p>One ring.</p>
<p>Two rings.</p>
<p>Three rings.</p>
<p>A pause.  “Hey.”  Yang’s voice was clear.</p>
<p>Blake swallowed.  “I wasn’t sure you would pick up.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t sure you’d call.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t sure I would, either.”  She closed her eyes.  “But I owe you this much.”</p>
<p>Yang snorted.  “Yeah.  You do.”</p>
<p>Blake leaned back on her bed.  “Do you want the truth?” she asked, staring up at the ceiling.  “I’ll give it to you.  If you want it.”  Tears clouded her eyes.  </p>
<p>“I want an explanation.”</p>
<p>Blake nodded, even though she knew Yang couldn’t see her.  “Okay.  Okay.”  She let out a breath, and she closed her eyes.  “I love you.”</p>
<p>“Fuck you, Blake.”</p>
<p>“Yang-”</p>
<p>“No, you don’t get to say that.  Not to me.  Not now.  Not after all this.”</p>
<p>“I know.  I know.”  She kept her eyes closed.  “But I did, and I do.  I still do, and I know I shouldn’t, I know I gave you up, but I love you.  I didn’t want to hurt you then, and I don’t want to hurt you now.  I’m a mess, Yang.  You deserve better than me, and I didn’t, no, I <em> don’t </em> deserve you.”  Blake swallowed thickly.  “And I know it doesn’t matter, or that it shouldn’t matter, but I didn’t want to.  I just- I did what I had to do.  I did what I thought was right.”</p>
<p>“Do you still think that?”</p>
<p>Blake paused.  “I think you deserve better than me.  I know I should have responded, I know I should have told you, but I was weak, and I couldn’t.  I couldn’t stay strong if I told you.  Because I knew how you would respond, and I knew that I would give in, and I knew and know that you deserve better than me.”</p>
<p>“Do you think leaving me was right?”</p>
<p>“I want to.”  She tightened her eyes.  “I really, really want to.  But no.”</p>
<p>Yang sighed.  “You wrecked me.”  Blake sucked in a breath.  “You wrecked me, Blake.  And not just me, our friends.  Everyone was so worried about you.  You didn’t have to cut them off.  You didn’t have to cut me off.”</p>
<p>“If I didn’t, I would have gone back to you.”</p>
<p>“And would that have been so bad?” Yang asked softly.  “Being my friend.”</p>
<p>“I would have hurt you, in the end.  I couldn’t do that.  Not when you deserved better.”</p>
<p>“You keep talking about what I deserve, but what about what I want?”</p>
<p>“Want?”</p>
<p>“Wanted, want, whatever.  It doesn’t matter now.”  Yang’s voice hardened.  “You did what you thought was best, but fuck, Blake, all I asked for was a response.  That’s it.  I just wanted to know what you wanted from me, and you didn’t even do that.”</p>
<p>“Because I can’t lie to you!”</p>
<p>A pause.  “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>Blake curled onto her side.  “I wanted us, Yang.  I wanted you in my life, I wanted all of it.  And I couldn’t lie to you and tell you that I didn’t want you.  I just, I couldn’t.”  Her throat thickened.  “So yeah, I didn’t answer you.  I hated myself, but you deserved-”</p>
<p>“Stop talking about what I deserve!  Just, stop it!  I wanted you in my life.  And if you had the balls to tell me that you didn’t want me in yours, I would have respected that.  Instead, you just left.  You left me.”  Yang’s voice broke, and it made Blake wince.  “You left me.”</p>
<p>“I left you.”</p>
<p>Yang sighed.  “What do you want, Blake?”  She sounded so tired.  “From this.  From me.  What do you want?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“Great, just great.”</p>
<p>“But I want to make things right.”  She took a deep breath.  “How do I make things right?”</p>
<p>She could hear Yang’s breath through the Scroll.  “I don’t know.  I really don’t know.”</p>
<p>“Okay.  Alright.”  Blake curled her knees deeper into her chest.  </p>
<p>“But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try.”  Blake went still, but Yang kept talking.  “I don’t know if I can forgive you, what I want from you, I don’t know shit.  But you’re still my soulmate.  And I want to try.”</p>
<p>“I want to try too.”  She bit her tongue.  “I’ve missed you so much.”  Her voice broke, and a sob hiccuped out of her chest.  “I’m so sorry, Yang.  I never wanted to hurt you.”</p>
<p>“I know.  I know.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>“We’ll be okay.  Or, at least, we’ll try it.  We’ll see how this goes.  That’s all I can promise you.”</p>
<p>“Okay.”  She closed her eyes.  “I’m going to try, Yang.  I promise.  I’m going to try.”</p>
<p>A pause.  “Goodnight, Blake.”</p>
<p>“Goodnight, Yang.”</p>
<p>The line went dead.  </p>
<hr/>
<p>They started small.  Texting, mostly.  Calls, occasionally.  Conversation was stilted and awkward, but they were talking.  Yang was talking to her.  Usually it was small and light conversation, easy.  More an exchange of pleasantries until Blake struck a nerve and Yang went quiet.  But it was getting better.  They were getting better.  </p>
<p>They were getting better.</p>
<p>“Can I ask you something?” Yang asked one day.  They were in Yang’s apartment, Yang sipping her coffee and Blake her tea.</p>
<p>Blake nodded.  “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Did you- are you seeing anyone?” </p>
<p>Blake froze.  She put her mug down on the table, avoiding looking at Yang.  “No.”  She bit her lip.  “Are you?”</p>
<p>“No.  I haven’t since that date with Neon.”  Yang fell quiet.  “What about you?”</p>
<p>“No one.  Just me.”</p>
<p>“Do you want to be?” Yang asked, voice too casual.  </p>
<p>Her throat grew thick.  “I don’t feel ready,” she admitted quietly.  “What I want doesn’t matter right now.”  </p>
<p>“But do you want to be?”</p>
<p>Blake shifted in her chair, staring into her tea.  “Doesn’t everybody?” she asked.  “Don’t you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess.”  Yang went quiet.  “But I don’t feel ready, either.”</p>
<p>“Why?”  She winced.  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”</p>
<p>“No, no, you’re fine,” Yang said, dismissing her concern with a flick of her hand.  She could feel Yang’s burning lilac eyes on her, but she couldn’t look up.  “I just don’t know what I want.”  Her voice was still too casual, too easy-going to be natural.  “Still trying to figure that out.”</p>
<p>Blake took a drink of her tea.  “Me too,” she said quietly.  Even though she knew she wanted Yang.  Even though her heart raced everytime her Scroll beeped and it was Yang on the other end.  Even though Yang lit up her world.  Even though it was so easy to love her.  She knew.  Brothers, she knew what she wanted.  </p>
<p>She forced herself to breathe.  “Are you okay with this?” she asked, still staring into her tea.  “With us?”</p>
<p>Yang went quiet.  “You’re my friend, Blake.”</p>
<p>“But do you want to be mine?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Yang said.  There was no hesitation in her voice, and it made Blake squirm.  “I want you in my life, Blake.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>Yang sighed.  “I don’t know.  But I do.  It’s not just because you’re my soulmate, though.  We were friends, good friends.  And I’ve missed that.  I missed you.”  Yang cleared her throat.  “I’m happy that you’re here.  I’m happy that you’re my friend.”</p>
<p>“Me too.  I’m happy that you’re my friend, too.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See you Tuesday!  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Twenty Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome back, everybody!  We're almost done, which is crazy to me.  I think we're gonna wind up somewhere around 50k, which is nuts.  I'm so glad you're all enjoying it so far!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you serious?” Weiss asked, hands primly wrapped around her cup.  “You have to be joking.”</p>
<p>Yang cleared her throat, her own coffee warming her hands and, despite the summer heat, she reveled in it.  “She’s trying, Weiss.”</p>
<p>“So what?” she sniffed.  “She left us, she left <em> you </em>.”</p>
<p>“This is why I waited to tell you.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, you’ve been talking again for four months, and you’re only just telling me now?” Weiss scoffed.  “Blake is-”</p>
<p>“My soulmate.”  Yang’s voice tightened.  “She’s my soulmate, and she’s trying.”  She took a sip of her coffee.  “I’m giving her a second chance.”</p>
<p>“More like a third.”</p>
<p>Yang cut her a glare.  “Look, we’re talking again.  She’s talking to me.  And it’s good.”</p>
<p>“What if she leaves again?” Weiss asked, crossing her arms.  “You can’t trust her, Yang.  She’s left you twice now.  <em> Twice</em>.  What are you thinking?”  She shook her head.  “You can’t trust her.”</p>
<p>“I’m not asking for your permission,” Yang said, voice heated.  </p>
<p>Weiss narrowed her eyes.  “Do you remember what you were like when she left?” she demanded.  “Do you remember senior year at all, or has seeing her again knocked all the sense out of you?”  Yang opened her mouth to argue, but Weiss kept going.  “She’s going to break your heart.”</p>
<p>“We’re not dating!” Yang said.  “We’re just friends.  We’re trying, Weiss.”</p>
<p>“You were just friends last time,” Weiss pointed out.  “And you were like a ghost afterwards.”  Weiss sighed.  “I can’t watch her hurt you again.”</p>
<p>Yang’s shoulders slumped.  “She’s not going to hurt me,” she said.  Even if she didn’t quite believe it herself.  “She’s not.”</p>
<p>“She already has.”  Weiss held her gaze.  “She doesn’t deserve you, Yang.  You deserve better than her.”</p>
<p>“Why does everyone keep telling me what I deserve?” she asked.  “What about what I want?”</p>
<p>Weiss raised a brow.  “You want her?”</p>
<p>“She’s my soulmate.  Of course I do.”  Her hand tucked itself against her hip.  “How can I not want her in my life?”</p>
<p>“You’re a glutton for punishment.”</p>
<p>“Look, she’s going through it, and yeah, she’s not perfect, but neither am I.”  She gestured with her right arm, the metal creaking.  “And she’s honest with me now.  She’s trying, Weiss.  And I want to try with her.”</p>
<p>Weiss’s gaze hardened.  “You honestly can’t think that because you lost your arm you’re not perfect.”</p>
<p>“My brain doesn’t work, Weiss.  It’s not just my arm.”  She shrugged.  “I have my own shit to deal with, and I’m dealing with it.  Blake’s just figuring out how to deal with hers.”</p>
<p>“That’s a load of shit.  Yang Xiao Long, you are perfect!”</p>
<p>Yang rolled her eyes, but her heart warmed.  “Thanks, but I’m not.  No one is, and neither is Blake.  Her shit got the better of her, but she’s dealing with it, Weiss.  And yeah, it’s awkward, but we’re both trying.  We both want this to work.”</p>
<p>“What’s your end goal here, Yang?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.  I just want to see how this goes.”  She took a sip of her coffee, and she lowered her gaze to her lap.  “She’s my soulmate, Weiss.  I want her in my life.”</p>
<p>“You’re allowed to give up on her.”  Weiss studied her.  “You know that, right?”</p>
<p>Yang’s jaw tightened.  “I’m not going to give up on her.”</p>
<p>“But you’re allowed to.  Some people can’t be saved, or aren’t worth it, Yang.  Blake doesn’t deserve you.  And if she hurts you again-”  Weiss pursed her lips.  “I’m just saying, you’re allowed to let her go.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to let her go,” Yang seethed.  “I want her with me.  I want her in my life.”</p>
<p>“And if she hurts you again?”</p>
<p>“Then she hurts me again.”  Her jaw tightened.  “I want to believe she won’t, Weiss.  I want to believe that we can work.”</p>
<p>“Do you still love her?”  Weiss’s voice was quiet but far from soft.</p>
<p>Yang’s voice caught in her throat.  She forced herself to meet Weiss’s gaze.  “Does it matter?” she asked.  </p>
<p>“Yes, Yang, yes, it does matter.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.  I don’t know,” she lied.  “It’s complicated.”</p>
<p>“You still love her, don’t you?”</p>
<p>Yang ducked her head.  “She was my best friend,” she said.  “I loved her.”</p>
<p>“No, I’m your best friend.  Ruby’s your best friend.  You know who your best friends are.  Blake is something else.  She always has been.”  Weiss sighed.  “Yang, do you still have feelings for her?”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to,” she said.  “Does that count for anything?”</p>
<p>Weiss’s smile was tight.  “If it matters to you, then yes, it does.”  Her face softened, only a flicker.  “But if you do, you need to remember to protect yourself.”</p>
<p>“I don’t have to protect myself from Blake.  She’s not someone I have to worry about.”</p>
<p>“She’s already hurt you, Yang.  You can’t forget that.”</p>
<p>“I’m not!”  She loosed a shaky breath.  “I’m not.  I know I have to be careful, but I want to trust her.”</p>
<p>“Just because you want to trust her doesn’t mean that you can.”</p>
<p>“I can do whatever I want!  It’s my life, she’s my soulmate.”  She sucked in a breath.  “Look, I want her in my life.  Can you respect that?”</p>
<p>Weiss pursed her lips.  “I just don’t want you to get hurt,” she said quietly.  “You deserve to be happy, Yang.  And I just want you to be sure that you’ll be okay.”  Her gaze was open.  “Blake hurt you.  Badly.  She hurt us all, but she really hurt you.  You need to remember that.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because you need to take care of yourself first.  I think you want things to go back to normal, but what you two had wasn’t normal!  It wasn’t healthy.  You need to be careful.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need to be careful around her,” she said.  “I don’t want to be careful around her.”</p>
<p>Weiss sighed.  “Okay.  Okay.”  She took a sip of her coffee.  “As long as you’re happy, Yang.”</p><hr/>
<p>
  <em> Hey. </em>
</p>
<p>Yang’s eyes flicked to her Scroll, opening it with a flick of her finger.  <em> What’s popping?   </em></p>
<p>
  <em> Can I come over? </em>
</p>
<p>Yang bit her lip.  Her apartment was a mess, but Blake had never asked to come over before.  Something was wrong.  Something was really wrong.  <em> Yeah, of course.  Everything okay? </em></p>
<p>Blake started typing, and then she stopped once.  Yang waited as the bubbles appeared again, her breath stuck in her lungs.  <em> I’ll tell you when I get there.  I’m fine. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> Alright.  I’ll be here.  :D </em>
</p>
<p>Yang sighed, stretching up off her couch.  She forced herself to put down her Scroll and to fold up the blankets she had haphazardly all over the place, listening to her arm creak as she went through the motions.  Was Blake alright?  Her stomach tightened.  </p>
<p>It was going to be fine.  And, at the very least, she was coming to her for help.  That was good, even if it wasn’t.  Blake was coming to her, trusting her, opening up.  That was good.  She wasn’t running.</p>
<p>She started water for tea, and, on second thought, slid a bottle of wine into the fridge to cool, just in case.  It was probably fine, she reasoned, neatening up the living room, everything was probably fine, and Blake was going to be fine.  </p>
<p>There was a knock on the door before she could finish.  Yang took a deep breath as she unlocked it and let an easy smile come over her face.  “Hey,” she said, carefully looking Blake up and down.  Her face was pale, but her cheeks were red, and her ears were straight up in the air.  “Come on in.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Blake said, skirting past her as Yang locked the door.  Yang ran a hand through her hair, escorting her to the couch.  She let Blake have the couch to herself, taking the comfy leather chair instead.  Blake looked like if she got to close, she would jump.  </p>
<p>“You alright?” Yang asked softly.</p>
<p>Blake nodded.  “Fine.  I’m fine.”  She shook her head.  “I’m not fine.”</p>
<p>“I started water for tea,” she said.  “If you want to talk about it.”  She tried to lighten her voice.  “I also have wine, but that’s for extreme measures only.”  She jerked her chin towards the TV.  “We can also watch a crappy movie if you don’t want to talk.”</p>
<p>Blake snorted, but her face stayed pale.  “Thank you, Yang,” she said softly.  </p>
<p>“Yeah, of course.  No prob.”</p>
<p>“No, really, thank you.  For everything.”  Blake sniffled.  The sound made Yang’s heart crack.  “I just- I really appreciate all you’ve done for me.  And I want you to know that I appreciate it, that I appreciate you.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” she said.  “What happened?”</p>
<p>She watched as Blake’s throat bobbed.  “Someone asked me out.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Blake nodded.  She wouldn’t meet her gaze.  “Someone asked me out,” she repeated, voice quiet.  “After work.  The waiter who served us left me his number and asked me out.”  </p>
<p>“Okay,” Yang said, swallowing hard as her hand clenched into a fist, her nails digging into her skin.  She tried to take a deep breath, tried to relax.  “What happened?”</p>
<p>“I said no, but thank you, and then I texted you, and then I came here.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because-”  Blake broke up, shaking her head.  “I’m sorry, Yang.  I’m really, really sorry.”  Her shoulders sagged, and she seemed to crumple into the couch.  “I just needed to see you, that’s all,” she said softly.  </p>
<p>Before Yang could press, the water for tea began to whistle.  “I’ll be right back,” she said, quickly heading into the kitchen and silencing the flames of the oven as she poured the water into the prepared mugs.  Chai for Blake, chamomile for herself.  She grabbed both mugs and brought them into the living room, putting them both on the table.  She cleared her throat.  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.</p>
<p>“Do you?” </p>
<p>Yang sighed.  She studied Blake.  Blake, who came to her.  Blake, who had left her twice.  Blake, who was her friend.  Blake, who was her soulmate.  Blake. </p>
<p>“I think we should,” she said carefully.</p>
<p>“We don’t have to.”</p>
<p>“No, but we should.  Shouldn’t we?”</p>
<p>Blake nodded.  Yang watched as she inhaled and exhaled, tilting her head up.  “How do I make this right, Yang?” Blake asked.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“How do I make this right?” she repeated.</p>
<p>“Make what right?”</p>
<p>“Us.  How do I fix us?”  Blake’s voice broke, and it made Yang wince.</p>
<p>“We’re fine, Blake.”</p>
<p>“Are we?”</p>
<p>“I thought we were.”</p>
<p>Blake shook her head.  “But we’re not,” she insisted.  “I see the way you look at me, and I know you see the way I look at you, and I want it, Yang.  But I don’t want to ruin us.  I don’t want to ruin us more than I already have, hurt you more than I already have.  And I just don’t know what you want.”</p>
<p>Yang sucked in a breath.  “Blake, what are you talking about?” she asked slowly.</p>
<p>“Us.  Our friendship.”  Blake’s golden eyes flicked to her.  “The way you used to feel.  The way I feel now.”  Yang’s stomach twisted.  “I get it, Yang, I get it if you don’t want me, but I just, I need to know what you want, Yang.  I need to know what’s your long term goal for us, because this uncertainty is killing me, and I know I have no right to ask that of you, especially after all that I’ve done, but what do you want?”</p>
<p>“I-I don’t know,” she lied.  “I just- fuck, Blake.”  She leaned back in her chair.  Her mind reeled.  “I want you in my life.”  She swallowed down the rest of the words, the words she wasn’t ready for.  “But I’m not ready.”  She hesitated.  “Not yet.”  Her nails dug into her palm, not particularly sharp but with enough pressure to hurt.  </p>
<p>Blake nodded.  “I’m sorry,” she said.</p>
<p>“You have nothing to be sorry for right now,” she said, throat thick.  “I love you, Blake, but it’s complicated.  We’re complicated.  And I’m not ready for anything more than what we’re doing right now.”</p>
<p>“And what are we doing right now?” Blake asked, voice pained.  “Because I feel like I just keeping fucking this up, Yang, I feel like I just keep fucking us up, and I don’t want to.  I’m trying, Yang, and I need you to know that I’m trying.  I’m trying, and I know I’m failing, but I’m trying.  I promise you, I’m trying, because I really, really don’t want to mess us up.”</p>
<p>“You’re not failing,” Yang said.  Blake shook her head and opened her mouth, likely to disagree, but Yang cut her off.  “You’re not.”  She loosed a breath.  “I’m trying, too.  It’s not- This is on the both of us.  This awkwardness.”</p>
<p>“It’s my fault,” Blake said.</p>
<p>“Okay, yeah, but it’s also not.  You’re trying, and I’m trying, and we’re not perfect.  We’re not going to be perfect, and it’s not going to be easy.”  She sighed.  “We’re not easy people, Blake.  But I want you in my life.  Whatever that looks like, Blake.  But right now, I just want you as my friend.”  Even though she wanted more, wanted in the way she wanted to run her fingers over the tips of the flame.  “Can we- can we play this by ear?”  Yang hesitated.  “Can I be honest?”</p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p>“I’m not saying this to hurt you, at all.  I’m saying this because I don’t want to lead you on, and I want to be honest with you.”  Blake nodded.  She took a deep breath.  “I need to trust you again.”  Blake winced, but she kept going.  “You’re my friend, but, fuck, Blake, I’m terrified you’re going to run again.  I’m terrified you’re going to leave me again, and I don’t want to care, but I do, and, yes, I love you.  Yes, I want you, but I’m scared.”  Her voice cracked.  </p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be sorry,” Yang said.  “It’s not- okay, yes, it’s a little bit your fault, but I believe you.  I want to believe you, and I do believe that you’re here to stay.  But I’m still scared.”</p>
<p>“How do I make this right?”  </p>
<p>“I don’t know,” she admitted.  “I don’t know.  But you’re here.  And that helps.”  She sighed.  “You’re here.  You came to me.  You’re being honest, and I can do the same.  I want this to work too, Blake.  I just need-”</p>
<p>“Time?” Blake rasped.</p>
<p>Yang winced.  “I guess, yeah.”  They both went quiet.  “I’m not trying to punish you, Blake.  You know that, right?  This isn’t a punishment, this is just me trying.”</p>
<p>“I know that,” Blake said quickly.  “I know.”</p>
<p>“Good.  Because I want you in my life, Blake.  And you’re not the only one who has to try.”  She forced a small smile.  “We’re both trying.  We both want this to work.  But just because we have to try doesn’t mean that we don’t work.”</p>
<p>“But if you change your mind, Yang, I’ll stop.  I’ll leave you alone, I promise.”</p>
<p>“Blake, the last thing I want is for you to leave me alone.”  Yang swallowed.  “I want you in my life.  I’ll say it again, and again, and again, because I need you to know that.  I want you here, with me.”  She hesitated.  “You’re my soulmate, Blake.  How could I not want you in my life?”</p>
<p>“I know.  I know.  I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“You need to stop saying sorry,” she said gently.  “Yeah, you messed up, but we’re moving on.  You can’t keep punishing yourself for it, or we’ll never move on. <em>I’ll </em> never be able to move on.  And we both need to accept that, okay, it happened, and we’re done with it.  We’re friends, we’re soulmates, and maybe we’ll be more, but we can’t even be friends if we don’t deal with this, if we don’t settle this.  You know?”</p>
<p>Blake nodded.  “How do I make this right?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.  I don’t know.”  She sighed.  “But you’re here, Blake.  And that counts.”  </p>
<p>It had to.  </p><hr/>
<p>“Hey, what’s up?” Yang asked, flopping onto her bed as she opened her Scroll.  Blake was quiet on the other.  “Blake?”</p>
<p>“Weiss texted me.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Don’t- don’t yell at her,” Blake said softly.  “She means well, Yang.”</p>
<p>“What the fuck did she say to you?”  She couldn’t contain her fury, and she winced at the harshness of her words.  Before she could correct herself, before she could respond, Blake began to talk.</p>
<p>“Tell me what you want from me.”  Blake’s voice was surprisingly steady.  </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Do you want me in your life, Yang?”</p>
<p>Yang swallowed hard.  “Yes.”</p>
<p>Blake went quiet.  “Can you- Can you say it?”  Her voice was small and distant.  </p>
<p>It made Yang’s heart ache.  She clenched her fist, pressing it into her hip.  “I want you in my life, Blake.”  She barely bit back her fury.  “What did she say to you?”</p>
<p>“She just told me what I already know.”</p>
<p>“What did she say to you?” she repeated.</p>
<p>Blake sighed.  “Just that I should get out of your life and leave you alone.”  Blake snorted, a broken sound that made Yang wince.  “Like I didn’t know that already.”</p>
<p>“Blake-”</p>
<p>“I’m not leaving, Yang.  I’m not.  I- I promise.  I’m not leaving you.  Not unless you want me to.”  A pause.  “I want to be here.  I want to be your friend.  So I’m here, Yang.  I’m here as long as you want me here.”</p>
<p>Yang sucked in a breath, but Blake kept going.  “I promise, Yang.  I’m here.  I won’t leave.  I promise, I’m not going to run.”  Blake’s voice buckled.  “I’m not going to leave you.  Because- Because I want you in my life, too.  You’re my soulmate, and I’m going to be here for you.  I’m staying.  I promise.”</p>
<p>“I know, Blake.  I know.”  She believed her.  She honestly, truly believed her.  The way her words shook, the desperation in her voice, no one could fake that.  Blake wasn’t leaving.  Yang loosed a breath, and tension she hadn’t realized she had been holding melted from her shoulders.  </p>
<p>“You don’t know, though.  I- I want to make things right, Yang, and I promise you, I’m staying.”</p>
<p>“I believe you.”  Her voice cracked.  “I believe you, Blake.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to make things right, Yang.”</p>
<p>“You’re here,” she said softly.  “You’re staying.  And that’s all that matters.”  She closed her eyes.  “I trust you.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to-”</p>
<p>“I trust you, Blake.”  Yang swallowed hard.  “I trust you, and we’re going to be alright.”  Blake sniffled, and she sighed.  “Come over.  We can watch a movie.  I still have wine in the fridge from the other night.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“You’re my friend, Blake.  I’m sure.”  Her throat closed up.  “I want to see you.”  Yang wanted to take her in and make sure she was okay.  Yang wanted to hear that rare laugh.  Yang wanted to comfort her, assure her, be there for her.  Yang wanted to love her, and she wanted to let her know-</p>
<p>She froze.  She cleared her throat.  “I want to make sure you’re alright,” she added.</p>
<p>“I’m fine.  I just wanted you to know.  I’m not leaving.”</p>
<p>“I’m calling Weiss after I hang up with you.  She was so out of line-”</p>
<p>“No, she’s not.  She’s just looking out for you.”</p>
<p>“She doesn’t have to.  You’re not going to hurt me.”</p>
<p>“I did, though,” Blake said.  </p>
<p>“But you’re not going to leave.  I trust you, Blake.”  She forced herself to take a deep breath.  “I trust you, and I believe you.  So come over, because you’re upset, and I’m your friend, and friends comfort each other.”</p>
<p>“I’m not upset, I’m fine.”</p>
<p>“Well, then, come over because I’m upset.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be,” she said hastily.  “I’m glad you told me.  We’re friends, Blake.  And friends don’t stand for this shit.”  She closed her eyes.  “What else are friends for?”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Come over.”</p>
<p>Blake laughed, a small and soft sound, but she still laughed.  “If you’re sure.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure.”  </p>
<p>
  <em> About you.   </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> About us.   </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I’m sure. </em>
</p><hr/>
<p>“You owe Blake an apology.”</p>
<p>“So she called you.”</p>
<p>“Yes, she called me, and you owe her an apology.”</p>
<p>She could practically hear Weiss’s eye roll through her Scroll.  “I won’t say sorry.  She deserved it, and I wanted to make sure she was here to stay.”  </p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“If she ran after I yelled at her, then she wasn’t going to stay.  But she didn’t, and she even went to you, so she’s here, hopefully for good.  So you can stop worrying about her leaving, and I can stop worrying about you getting your heart broken again, and we can all stop worrying.”</p>
<p>Yang sighed.  “You’re psychotic.”</p>
<p>“I’m effective.”</p>
<p>“Seriously, though, you need to apologize.  It was a dick move.”</p>
<p>“I already reached out, and we’re grabbing lunch on Saturday.”  Weiss sighed.  “You’re not the only one who missed her, you know.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Yang said.  </p>
<p>“But I’m glad, Yang.  I’m glad she’s back.  I’m glad we can trust her again.”</p>
<p>Yang closed her eyes.  “Yeah, me too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See you Friday!  And I think it'll be a fun chapter for you all.  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Twenty Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was such a fun chapter to write.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They were sitting on Yang’s couch.  They weren’t quite touching, but Blake could still feel the warmth that was always radiating off of Yang’s skin.  They were sharing a blanket, and there was some movie on that Yang had wanted to see.  She’d only been half paying attention, her mind too focused on something she had only realized late the night before.</p>
<p>Blake looked over at Yang, whose eyes were glued to the screen, even as the credits rolled.  She cleared her throat, one hand curling over the edges of the fuzzy blanket and the other pressed against her hip.  “Yang?” she asked softly. </p>
<p>“What?” Yang asked, immediately turning to look at Blake.  </p>
<p>The lump in her throat grew.  “I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while now,” she began, biting her lip.  <em> Fuck</em>, this was hard.</p>
<p>“Is everything okay?” Yang asked, eyes flooded with concern.</p>
<p>“Yeah, no, everything is fine,” she said quickly.  She cleared her throat, lowering her gaze to Yang’s collarbones.  “I just realized that you’ve never asked what my soulmark is.”  She sucked in a breath as she watched Yang still.  “And I was wondering if you wanted to see it.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to show me, Blake.”</p>
<p>“But I want to.”  She did.  Brothers above, she did.  She swallowed hard.  “Unless you don’t want to know-”</p>
<p>“No!” Yang said.  Blake’s eyes flicked up, meeting Yang’s wide lilac ones.  “I just meant I want you to be sure.  I don’t have to see it.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine.  I should’ve told you, <em> shown </em> you a long time ago,” she said.  Guilt twisted in her stomach.  “You deserve to see it.”</p>
<p>“Well, do you want to see mine?” Yang asked.  The words got stuck in Blake’s throat.  All she could do was nod.  Yang smiled at her, tucking her hair behind her ear.  “If you’re not ready, Blake, that’s okay.”</p>
<p>“No, I want to.”  She nodded, letting a small, if uneasy, smile break out onto her face.  “I want to, Yang.”  She stood up, abandoning the blanket on the couch.  Yang followed suit, and they were standing in front of each other, face to face.  Even though she had the privilege of seeing her often nowadays, Blake had never gotten used to the fierce beauty of her face.  The skin speckled with freckles like stars.  The constant brightness of her eyes.  The sly curve of her smile.  </p>
<p>“So, do you want to go first, or should I?” Yang asked.  Blake looked away, further embarrassed by the blush already creeping over her cheeks.  </p>
<p>“I’ll go first,” she said.  If she didn’t get it over with, she was scared she would chicken out.  </p>
<p>Yang nodded.  “Okay.”  Her eyes were soft, almost saying <em> Take your time</em>.  </p>
<p>Blake’s hands fumbled at her waist line.  Fuck, why did her pants have so many buttons?  She tucked her shirt up slightly as she unzipped her pants.  Her underwear rode high on her hips, and she took a deep breath.  </p>
<p>“You don’t have to do this,” Yang said quietly.</p>
<p>Instead of responding, she dragged the side of her panties down.  She just heard Yang suck in a breath over the rush of blood pounding in her ears.  She studied the bright sunflowers on her hip, as beautiful as they were the day they had first appeared, if not more so.  The petals were bright and saturated and impossibly detailed.  There were three blooms, the largest of which was the size of her closed fist.  The other two were smaller but just as stunning.</p>
<p>She didn’t dare look up at Yang.  She kept her gaze low, and she saw Yang’s hand reach out and twitch for her before going back to Yang’s side.  Blake’s jaw tightened, and she forced herself to take a deep breath.  “Sunflowers,” she said, trying to break the silence.  </p>
<p>“Sunflowers,” Yang repeated.  Her voice was starstruck, distant.  </p>
<p>Blake let her look, her own hand itching to cover her hip.  She felt exposed, her skin prickling from the chill of the apartment.  She snuck a look up at Yang’s face.  Her lilac eyes were wide.  Her lips were parted, and Blake had never seen her face so soft and open.</p>
<p>“Yang?” she asked.  “You alright?”</p>
<p>Yang nodded, eyes snapping up to meet hers.  “Yeah, just… wow,” she breathed.  Color flooded Yang’s face.  “I wasn’t expecting that.”</p>
<p>“Sunflowers?”</p>
<p>“Yes, no, well, I just wasn’t expecting how…”  Yang trailed off.  “Do you like them?”  Her voice was uncertain.</p>
<p>Words failed.  She tried, though, she had to try.  “I’ve always thought they were beautiful,” she said quietly.  “Sometimes, when I’m nervous, I put my hand over it and press.  Force of habit, I guess.  But I’ve always loved them.”  Her throat thickened.  “I thought they suited you.”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“You don’t?”</p>
<p>“No, I do, they’re just not what I was expecting.”</p>
<p>“What were you expecting?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Yang admitted.  “Not sunflowers, though.”  Blake felt her gaze linger on her hip, her skin itching in response.  “But I like them.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad,” she said.  “Because- because I’ve always thought they suited you.  They reminded me of you.  And I love them for that.”  Yang’s eyes shot back up to her, and Blake felt her cheeks redden.  She could feel her breath on her cheeks.  She didn’t realize how close they were.  Yang must’ve stepped closer.  Or she must have.</p>
<p>Her mouth went dry.  “Yang-”  She cut herself off, ducking her eyes.  “I love them,” she said softly.  Her heart was racing in her chest, shaking with every inhale and exhale.  She closed her eyes.  “Do you want to?” </p>
<p>“Want to what?” Yang murmured.  Yang stepped closer.  </p>
<p>“Do you want to touch them?” she asked.  <em> Do you want to touch me</em>?</p>
<p>Yang’s eyes flicked up to her.  “Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“I’m sure.”  And she was.</p>
<p>She gently grabbed Yang’s left hand by the wrist.  Her skin was soft, and her thumb gently ran over her skin as she guided her to her hip.  Blake barely stifled a gasp as heat burned through her, curled around her, blossomed from her hip.  The flames didn’t crackle, but they sang, smooth as sin.  </p>
<p>Yang’s fingers were warm, and she could barely distinguish between the heat of her hip and the heat of Yang’s hand.  Still, she tried to focus as Yang traced the petals of the flowers, brushed the skin of her hip, and skimmed her bone.  Her touch wasn’t hesitant, but it was gentle, and she never strayed from the confines of the sunflowers.  </p>
<p>Blake burned.  Her skin came alive, and she hadn’t realized how cold she had been until Yang’s fire was awakened once more.  Brothers, how had she forgotten the exact way it had blazed across her flesh and into her blood?  </p>
<p>“Fuck,” Yang breathed.  What was she feeling?  </p>
<p>Blake bit out a chuckle, a small exhale of breath.  “Yeah,” she agreed.  She didn’t take her hand from Yang’s wrist.  Instead, she found herself guiding Yang to the other side of her hip so her fingers curled around her side.  Her throat thickened.  </p>
<p>She didn’t look at Yang.  Her breath was short, and her face was red.  “Blake,” Yang said.  Her voice was deep and wistful.  She didn’t let go of Blake, though.</p>
<p>“Can I kiss you?” she asked.  The words left her mouth before she could think.  <em> Fuck</em>.  Her blood raced in her ears.  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.  I’m sorry.  Forget it.”  Yang didn’t respond.  Instead, Blake nearly jumped as her other hand gently passed over the sunflowers, stroking it, the cold metal so at odds with the heat burning inside her.  Blake went weak in the knees.  </p>
<p>“Will you kiss me?” Yang asked quietly.</p>
<p>Blake’s eyes darted up, but, for once, Yang’s eyes weren’t there to meet her.  Yang’s face was pink, her lips parted.  Blake stepped closer, tentatively putting her hand on Yang’s waist.  “Are you sure?” she forced herself to ask, even as she stared at the rosiness of her mouth.  </p>
<p>She could see Yang’s throat bob.  “I want you to.”</p>
<p>Blake stepped closer.  She tilted her chin upwards.  “Look at me,” she said.  Yang did.  Those beautiful lilac eyes were dark and wide.  Blake swallowed.  “Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“Blake, I want you to kiss me.”</p>
<p>She studied her face, and something dark flickered in her chest.  “I just don’t want you to regret this.”  </p>
<p>“I won’t,” she said.</p>
<p>Blake shook her head and forced herself to remove her hand from Yang’s waist.  “You can’t know that,” she said, her heart twisting as she did.  “I shouldn’t have asked.  You’re not- we’re not ready.”</p>
<p>“What do you want?”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter-”</p>
<p>“It matters to me,” Yang interrupted.  “It matters to me.  I want to kiss you, and I think you want to kiss me.  If you want this, we should do this.”</p>
<p>“I want to not hurt you,” she said.  “I don’t want you to regret this.”</p>
<p>“I can’t regret you.  I will never, ever regret you.”  Yang’s face softened.  “I love you.”  Blake froze.  “I know you’re scared you’re going to hurt me again, Blake, but you’re here, and I love you.”</p>
<p>Yang’s hand gently cupped her face, the metal cold against the heat of her skin.  “I love you too,” Blake said.  “But I don’t want to hurt you again.  What if-”</p>
<p>“What if this works,” Yang interrupted.  “What if we’re happy together.  What if we do this.”  Her breath was warm on her face.  “I want this, Blake.  But I won’t force you.”  Her hands started to move away, and Blake stepped forward.  </p>
<p>“I want to,” she said.  “I want you.”  Her heart raced beneath her chest.  She tilted her head up.  Yang’s lips were so close.  “Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>Blake gave in.  She leaned up and pressed her mouth against Yang’s, let the softness of her rosy lips overwhelm her.  She practically crumpled into Yang, but her arms were there, holding her up, supporting her, loving her.  She loved her.  Yang loved her.  </p>
<p>Blake threaded one hand around Yang’s neck, bringing her down closer to her.   Her hair was soft as silk, and she loved the way it felt against her hand.  She wanted to curl her fingers deeper into her hair and revel in the softness.  Yang held her close, but Blake still pulled her closer, and closer, and closer.  </p>
<p>Yang broke their kiss off, but she leaned in to press their foreheads together.  Blake sleepily opened her eyes, not fully aware of when she had closed them.  Yang was still holding her hip, and she was so warm, she burned.  “We should talk about this,” Yang said.  But Blake noticed that her eyes were still focused on her lips.  </p>
<p>“We definitely should,” she agreed, still staring at Yang’s mouth.</p>
<p>A beat.  “Fuck it,” Yang breathed, and she crashed their lips back together.</p>
<p>Yang’s hand curled around her hip and pulled Blake closer to her body.  Not that Blake was complaining.  Her own hand crept up Yang’s neck to cradle the back of her head, tangling her fingers into her hair.  She pulled Yang down to her, and Yang held her close, and Blake could feel every inch of her.  Her skin was so warm, and Blake curled into her heat.  </p>
<p>Blake held Yang’s waist, still able to feel the heat of her skin through her clothes.  She leaned up to press deeper into the kiss.  Her skin felt electric, felt like a crackling flame.  She burned, and Yang wasn’t even touching her soulmark.  This, though, this was burning.  And she’d gladly succumb to the flames.</p>
<p>Her hand curled deeper into Yang’s hair.  Yang moaned against her lips, and Blake couldn’t hold back her smile.  Yang’s hands ran down her back to cup her thighs, and she was off the ground before she knew what was happening.  Her legs instantly wrapped around Yang’s waist as Yang held her up, their lips never parting.  </p>
<p>Blake leaned down, holding Yang’s cheek.  “I didn’t know you could do that,” she said breathlessly, gulping down air.  Her heart was racing, and her blood was electrified.  She felt like magic.  </p>
<p>“There’s a lot of things you don’t know,” Yang hummed before kissing just to the side of her mouth.  Her voice was deep, and Blake’s breath caught.  “Fuck, Blake.”</p>
<p>Blake kissed the top of Yang’s head.  “We should talk,” she said softly, forcing herself to let go of Yang’s hair.  She crossed her arms, but Yang still held her up.  “We need to talk about this.”  Even though she wanted to keep kissing her, wanted to explore her skin with her fingertips and her mouth, wanted to tell her that she was there to stay.</p>
<p>Yang’s hands squeezed her butt before she let Blake slide to the ground.  Blake was staring up at her once more, and she watched as Yang’s lips twitched into a smile.  “I can’t form a coherent thought right now,” Yang said.  “But I’ll try.”</p>
<p>Blake forced herself to step back.  She became aware of the fact that her pants had slid down her hips.  She fixed her panties before buttoning up her pants.  Her face and chest were red and splotchy, she knew it, but Yang’s face was flushed, and her golden locks were mussed.  They were a mess.  </p>
<p>“We just kissed,” she said distantly.  </p>
<p>Yang nodded.  “We did.”</p>
<p>Blake swallowed hard.  “What’re you thinking?”</p>
<p>“I’m thinking I want to do that again.”</p>
<p>“Be serious.”</p>
<p>“Seriously, I want to do that again.”  Yang grinned dopily at her.  “I told you, I can’t form thoughts right now.”</p>
<p>Blake bit her tongue.  “Do you just want to do that again?” she asked.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Do you want something more?”</p>
<p>Yang’s face softened.  “Of course I do,” she said.  “Could you not tell?”</p>
<p>Blake took a deep breath.  “I just want to be sure.  Because I really, really don’t want to mess us up.”  Her throat grew thick.  “Because I want something more, too.”</p>
<p>“Blake, I wasn’t lying when I said I love you.  You’re my best friend.”  Yang studied her.  “I want to try this.  If you do.”</p>
<p>“Try dating?”</p>
<p>“Yes, dating.  Going out on dates.  More kissing.  More of my life with you.”  Yang’s face was so open.  “I want that.” </p>
<p>“I want that, too,” she said.  “I really, really want that.”</p>
<p>Yang smiled at her.  “I trust you, Blake.  I love you, and I trust you, and I want you.”  Blake watched as Yang unbuttoned her pants and slid her underwear down.  Blake’s breath caught in her throat.  “Belladonnas,” Yang said, still looking at her.  </p>
<p>“They’re deadly,” she said.  “You know that?”</p>
<p>“I know.”  Yang’s smile was sad.  “But I love them.”</p>
<p>Tears began to blur her eyes.  “What does it feel like?” she asked.  </p>
<p>“Imagine something coming to life.  Something growing and breathing and beating in your chest, living in you.  It feels like a damn miracle.”  Yang stepped closer.  “You feel like a miracle, Blake.”</p>
<p>She smiled, and it shivered and shook on her lips, but it was there.  “You feel like fire,” she said.  “Like warmth, and it’s so welcoming, and it’s so nice.  You’re so nice.”  She hiccuped a laugh.  “I love you, and I want to be here for you, and I want you.  I want you.”  She tilted her head up.  “I won’t break my promise, Yang.”</p>
<p>“I know you won’t.”</p>
<p>Yang drew closer and opened her arms.  Blake stepped into her embrace, tucking her head over her shoulder as her chest shook.  “I’m going to be here for you.  I won’t let you down.”</p>
<p>“I trust you, Blake.  I trust you.”  Yang began to stroke her back.  “I love you, and I trust you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See you Sunday!  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Twenty Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TIME FOR SOME SOFT BEES!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Fuck me,” Blake groaned, leaning against the tower of boxes they’d brought up.  “Why do we have so much shit?”</p>
<p>“First off, that can be arranged as soon as we get the sheets on the bed.”  Yang grinned innocently as Blake glared daggers at her.  “Second, we have a perfectly normal amount of shit, but transporting it is a bitch.  Third, this is the last of it.”  She gestured to the box still in her arms as she waited for Blake to get out of the way.  </p>
<p>“Thank the Brothers,” Blake said.  Sweat glistened on her brow, and her newly shorn hair was sticking up in the humidity.  “What time are Ruby, Weiss, and Penny coming over?”</p>
<p>“In about an hour.  So we have an hour to organize the boxes.”  She straightened up and released her hair from its messy ponytail before gathering the mass up once more and tying it anew, hopefully cleaner and tighter this time.  “We need to find the-”</p>
<p>“IMPORTANT SHIT box?” Blake asked dryly, pointing at the box marked in metallic ink and wrapped in bright purple tape.  “It was the first one I brought up.”</p>
<p>“Read my mind, thank you, baby,” she said, grabbing her pocket knife from her side and bending down to cut through the tape.  They had already cleaned the apartment, twice, and moved their furniture into place, and all that was left was unpacking.  She tossed Blake the sheets and the duvet, grinning as Blake barely caught them.</p>
<p>“You’re the worst!”</p>
<p>“I’m the best,” she said, sticking her tongue out.  Blake rolled her eyes, but she turned and headed into the bedroom- their bedroom.  Her heart skipped a beat, and she couldn’t stop the stupid grin on her face.  She got up and followed Blake into their room.  “Need some help?”</p>
<p>Blake was already struggling with the fitted sheet.  “I got it,” she said.  </p>
<p>Still, Yang went to the other side of the bed and pulled the corner into place, stretching the sheet diagonally as Blake snapped her corner into place.  “You’re welcome.”  </p>
<p>Blake stuck her tongue out at her.  “I could’ve done it myself.”</p>
<p>“But you don’t have to,” she said.  “You now have me.”  She raised her brow and smirked.  “At the very least, you now have me to get shit off of the top shelf.”</p>
<p>“I am barely shorter than you.”</p>
<p>“Barely is a strong word, but you’re still shorter.”  She winked.  “It’s okay, baby, I like it.”  She loved that Blake was shorter than her, and she never bothered to hide it.</p>
<p>“You are the worst.  Why am I moving in with you.”</p>
<p>“Because you love me.”</p>
<p>Blake’s face softened.  “Yeah.  Yeah, I do.”  </p>
<p>“I should hope so,” she said, raising an eyebrow.  “Otherwise, that would make this really awkward.”  She grabbed the pillows from the box she had put in the bedroom earlier and threw them into their covers, setting them on the dresser as Blake covered the bed in their sheets.  “Did you see the throw pillows?”</p>
<p>“They’re with the couch pillows,” Blake said.  “I figured we didn’t need them right away.”</p>
<p>“That’s the cruelest thing you’ve ever said to me.”</p>
<p>“Listen, if my blankets didn’t get to go in the priority box, then neither do your pillows.”  Blake’s eyes glinted gold in the sunlight coming in from the windows.  “Remember?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but you have to admit, it looks pretty empty without them,” she said.  She raised her brows and smirked.  “My bed always looks empty without you in it,” she drawled, watching as Blake’s face pinkened.</p>
<p>“We’re moving in together, you don’t need to keep flirting with me.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but that’s half the fun.”  She took Blake’s glare in with ease, smoothing the duvet as they covered the bed in the bright purple comforter.  “You know you love it.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take it or leave it,” Blake said.  Yang grabbed the pillows and tossed Blake with one before arming herself with the other.  Blake raised an eyebrow.  “They’re going to be here soon.  We really should get to work.”</p>
<p>“This is a reward for carrying all those boxes.”  She cocked a brow.  “Come on.  We could use a little stress relief.”</p>
<p>Blake rolled her eyes.  “You know not what you start,” she warned.</p>
<p>“Bring it, <em> baby</em>.”</p>
<p>Blake jumped onto the bed and brought down her pillow on Yang’s head.  Yang let her get a hit in before swiping for her side, jumping up on the bed with her.  She bounced as she landed, and Blake got in another two hits as she steadied herself.  Yang went to hit her, but Blake neatly ducked behind her with a wide grin.</p>
<p>Yang turned, and she got a faceful of pillow.  She laughed, and she gently swung for Blake’s belly.  She jumped on the mattress, still getting hit with Blake’s pillow in her thigh, but she slammed her pillow down on Blake’s shoulder.  Blake raised her brows.  “That all you got?” her girlfriend asked.</p>
<p>“Not even close,” she said before tackling Blake to the mattress.  Blake yelped, and Yang quickly rose off of her, studying her for injuries.  “Did I hurt you?  Are you okay?” she asked.</p>
<p>But Blake just smiled at her, and then Yang’s back was against the mattress.  Blake’s grin only grew, but Yang leaned off the mattress to press a kiss to her smiling lips.  “I’m going to take that as a yes,” Yang said, letting herself bounce back against the bed.  “So, what’s my prize?”</p>
<p>“Your prize?” Blake repeated.  “I’m pretty positive I won.”</p>
<p>“I got you down to the mattress,” Yang said.”</p>
<p>“A low and probably illegal blow.  Plus, I’m on top, aren’t I?”</p>
<p>“Yes, you are.”  She didn’t let her grin falter, even as her blush exploded over her face and creeped up her ears.  “What’re you gonna do?”</p>
<p>Blake traced a hand over Yang’s cheek, her thumb brushing against her lips.  Yang gently licked the tip of her finger, never breaking eye contact with her as she sucked.  “We need to get unpacking,” Blake said, but her eyes were dark.</p>
<p>“We still have almost an hour,” Yang pointed out, Blake’s thumb still against her lips.</p>
<p>“Yes, but I want to take you apart slowly.”  Yang wasn’t sure she was breathing.  Blake pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead before getting off of Yang.  “So no, we’re going to unpack, and then we’re going to have a nice night with your sister, and then-”</p>
<p>“You’re going to fuck me through the mattress?”</p>
<p>Blake whacked her with a pillow, but her cheeks were red.  “You’re such a perv.”</p>
<p>“And you love me.”  She straightened up and pressed a kiss to the side of Blake’s temple.  “And I love you.”</p>
<p>“Mhm.”  Blake leaned her head on her shoulder, gently wrapping Yang up.  “I love you, but we have to get unpacking.”  Yang’s shoulders sagged as Blake let her go.  “You fix the bed, and I’ll start organizing.”</p>
<p>Yang nodded.  She watched as Blake walked out, taking a deep breath before straightening her shoulders.  She fixed the covers and the pillows, taking her time to make the bed perfectly.  It would be their first night in their bed in their apartment.  It was going to be great, and there was nothing like getting into a perfectly made bed.</p>
<p>She went into the living room where Blake was already re-stacking and organizing boxes.  “What are we unpacking first?” she asked, stretching her shoulder as she stood.  All the lifting was making her shoulder act up a little, but it wasn’t too bad.  Still, she had to be careful with pushing it.</p>
<p>“I’m thinking kitchen, then bedroom, then bathroom.”  Blake’s brow furrowed as she lifted a box and moved it into one of the piles she had created.  “Ruby, Weiss, and Penny are bringing pizza, right?”</p>
<p>“Yup.  Two boxes,” she said, switching to stretch out her other shoulder.</p>
<p>“Thank the Brothers,” Blake said.  “I’m starving.”  </p>
<p>Yang moved the box marked BATHROOM SHIT: TOILETRIES in her scrawl to the bathroom pile and nodded her agreement.  “Breakfast feels like ages ago,” she said.  “Never let me just eat a granola bar for breakfast again.”</p>
<p>“Duly noted.”  </p>
<p>Before Yang could grab another box, there was a knock on the door, and Yang hopped over the boxes in her path to get to the doorway.  She undid the locks before throwing it open with a smile.  “Hey!” she said, holding the door open for her sister and her sister’s girlfriends.  “You’re early.  Did you-”</p>
<p>“Yes, we have the pizza, and the plates, and the napkins, and the wine, so let us in,” Weiss said, rolling her eyes as she stepped inside.</p>
<p>Yang opened the door further, still smiling.  “Thank you,” she sang, locking the door behind them.  “Blake is still organizing everything, but I think we should eat it while it’s hot.”</p>
<p>“Most definitely!” Penny said, setting the boxes down on the floor.  “Who likes cold pizza?”</p>
<p>Yang threw Blake a look.  “Take a guess.”</p>
<p>Blake shrugged.  “I like it both ways,” she said, digging into the IMPORTANT SHIT box for glasses.  “Weiss, can you help me with filling up these glasses?”</p>
<p>The two of them went into the kitchen, and Yang took the plates from Ruby, separating five of them out as Penny handed her napkins.  “Did you have to wait long?” she asked, setting everything down on the floor.</p>
<p>“No, it was pretty quiet tonight!” Ruby said, taking a seat.</p>
<p>Blake and Weiss came back into the room, setting the cups down in front of them.  Yang smiled at Blake as she put her glass into her hand, their fingers brushing as Yang accepted it.  Blake rolled her eyes, but her face was pink as she sat down next to Yang.  </p>
<p>“Let’s dig in,” Yang said, opening the box eagerly.  She grabbed a slice and put it on Blake’s plate before helping herself.  They wolfed down the pies, and Yang burned her mouth on the oozing cheese, but she didn’t particularly care.  She relaxed on the floor, laying her head on Blake’s shoulder when she finished.</p>
<p>“Thanks for coming over,” Blake said as she looped an arm around Yang.  Yang snuggled closer into her side as Ruby gagged.  “We really appreciate it.”</p>
<p>“You helped us last year, of course we’re going to help,” Weiss dismissed with a nonchalant but sharp wave of her hand.  Even eating cheesy pizza, she still looked immaculate with not even the hint of a shine of grease on her lips.  </p>
<p>“Plus, pizza!” Ruby said, patting her belly.  “We’d never miss an opportunity to eat pizza.”  She burped, and Yang’s nose crinkled.</p>
<p>“You’re the worst,” she said.  Ruby smiled and burped again.  Yang rolled her eyes, and she stuck her tongue out at her.  Ruby mirrored her face, and then Weiss and Blake let out a collective sigh.  “What?”</p>
<p>“You two are the worst,” Weiss said.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but we’re also the best,” Ruby said, crossing her arms.  </p>
<p>“At the very least, we’re very amusing,” Yang added, curling deeper into Blake’s side.  She could feel the vibrations of Blake’s small laugh, and it made her smile.  </p>
<p>“I think it’s sweet!” Penny said.  </p>
<p>Ruby leaned over and pecked her girlfriend’s cheek.  “Thanks,” she said.  Ruby then threw herself into Weiss’s lap, bending over backwards as she pressed her hand to her forehead.  “Oh, the betrayal, the horror!”  Weiss rolled her eyes, but her blush didn’t escape Yang.  </p>
<p>“Alright, enough drama, we should get to work,” she said, grabbing her and Blake’s plates before standing up and collecting Weiss’s, Ruby’s, and Penny’s.  “We don’t have all day, folks.”</p>
<p>“Folks?” Penny repeated.  “I like that.  Folks!  Folks, folks, folks!”  She nodded, more to herself than to anyone in particular as she helped her girlfriends to their feet.  “I’m going to use that more.  I really like it.”</p>
<p>Yang didn’t bother restraining her laugh.  “You do that,” she said, smiling.  Blake snorted next to her, and Yang turned to look at her.  “What?” she asked, raising a brow.  </p>
<p>“Nothing.”  Blake’s eyes sparkled.  “I just love your vocabulary.”</p>
<p>“We get it, you two are sickeningly in love, but we have a job to do,” Weiss cut in, dusting invisible specks off of her outfit.  “I want to get home before midnight, if we could manage that.”</p>
<p>“It won’t be bad,” she promised.  </p>
<p>“You said that last time.”</p>
<p>“Well, last time we were unpacking for three, and now it’s just two, so it’s only two-thirds of the work.”  </p>
<p>“It took almost twelve hours last time!”</p>
<p>“Then we better get moving!” </p>
<hr/>
<p>“We should shower,” Blake said from underneath Yang.  They were laying on the couch, or Blake was laying on the couch and Yang was laying on top of her.  </p>
<p>Yang groaned.  “I don’t wanna move,” she said.</p>
<p>“We’re covered in grime, we should shower.  Unless you want to do laundry already.”  Yang rolled off of Blake and onto the floor, carefully catching herself so she wouldn’t hit the ground too hard.  She forced herself to her feet, muscles aching as she did.  Still, she took Blake into her arms and carried her to their room.  She smiled as Blake’s hands wrapped around her neck, and she couldn’t help the flutter in her chest at the sight.</p>
<p>“Not on the bed,” Blake said softly.  “We’re dirty, and those sheets are clean.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t going to drop you on the bed,” she grumbled, already reaching for the towels they had laid out earlier.  She dropped them into Blake’s lap before heading back out and flipping on the bathroom light.  Yang carefully set Blake on the ground and helped her to her feet before she straightened up and started reaching for her brush.</p>
<p>But Blake’s hand was already wrapped around the handle.  “Let me,” she said, voice soft.  </p>
<p>Yang didn’t bother fighting her, instead just turning around to allow her easier access.  She sighed at the gentle pressure on her scalp as Blake worked the brush through her waves.  Her hair was knotty from the ponytail she had finally abandoned after Weiss, Ruby, and Penny had left, but Blake patiently untangled them whereas Yang would have forced the brush through.  She leaned her head back into Blake’s ministrations, a half-smile on her face as Blake hummed. </p>
<p>Blake took her time, each stroke of the brush careful and deliberate.  Yang couldn’t think of many feelings better than the one that came over her when someone brushed her hair.  Well, when Blake brushed her hair.  Something about Blake made each small gesture so powerful, made the back of her neck tingle and her scalp so sensitive.  She sent shivers up her spine.</p>
<p>She wasn’t sure how long they stood like that for, her eyes barely able to blink sleep away.  Still, she perked up when Blake put the brush back down on the counter.  She turned.  Blake’s ears were settled against her head, as if she couldn’t keep them up.  Yang smiled, taking off her top and discarding it on the floor before removing her arm and placing it on the counter.  Blake followed suit until they were both naked.  </p>
<p>Yang started the water to fill the tub as Blake sat down.  She got in behind her, groaning at the heat slowly working its way up from the soles of her feet and up the back of her legs as she sat down.  Blake leaned back against her, and Yang wrapped her arms around her.  She tucked her chin over her shoulder and leaned forward.</p>
<p>“You know,” she yawned, her head falling down, “I’m surprised we got so much done.”</p>
<p>“Me too,” Blake said.  “But that leaves less for us to do tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“I think we should sleep in, though,” she said.  </p>
<p>“We need to go food shopping.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but we can go later in the day.”  She nuzzled her neck, Blake’s short hair brushing up against her cheeks.  “I want to enjoy our first night together, in our bed.”  </p>
<p>Blake snorted.  “Our first night together was-”</p>
<p>“You know what I mean,” she interrupted.  “First night, in our first apartment, in our bed.  Come on.  We’re exhausted, and sleeping in this one time can’t hurt.”  Yang ran her hand over Blake’s bicep.  “It’ll be nice, and then we can be productive.”  </p>
<p>“I guess sleeping in couldn’t hurt,” Blake said.  </p>
<p>“It’ll be good,” she said, pressing a kiss on the spot where Blake’s shoulder met her neck.  Yang bit back a grin as Blake shivered beneath her.  “Besides, it’s cold, and I wanna cuddle.”</p>
<p>“Baby, I’m going to fall asleep the second I hit the pillow,” Blake warned.  </p>
<p>“That’s okay.”  She shifted closer.  “You cuddle me in your sleep, anyways.” </p>
<p>She could feel the strength of Blake’s eye roll, even though she couldn’t see it.  “I do not.”  </p>
<p>“Yes, you do.  Don’t even lie.”  She reached for the soap and gently began working the bar over Blake’s skin.  The scent of lavender filled the air as bubbles appeared on Blake’s skin.  She carefully scrubbed at her back, running the soap up and down and across.  </p>
<p>“You know I can do this for myself,” Blake said.</p>
<p>Yang shrugged, continuing to wash Blake’s body.  “But I like doing it.  And you’re about to pass out.  It’s the least I could do, baby.”  </p>
<p>“You’re hardly any better off.”  But she didn’t fight her as Yang finished up.</p>
<p>Yang quickly washed herself as Blake tugged the plug out and the water began to spiral out of the tub.  Blake helped her to her feet, and they pulled the curtain shut as they started the shower.  Yang shivered as the water pelted her face, but Blake turned her around so her face was turned towards the wall.</p>
<p>Blake’s hands dug into her wet hair, covered in shampoo, and she shrunk down to give her a better angle.  She barely held back a groan as Blake massaged her scalp, bubbles frothing at the edges of her vision.  “You’re too good to me,” she said, ducking back under the stream of water to wash the shampoo out.  </p>
<p>“I’m really not,” Blake said.</p>
<p>Yang rolled her eyes and turned, reaching for her hand as she pressed a kiss to its back.  “You are,” she said, looking up into her golden eyes.  “You really are.”  She smiled, and Blake’s small smile back was small, but it was wider than it used to be.  Yang straightened up and kissed Blake’s forehead, smiling against her skin.  </p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too.”  Yang ran her hand through Blake’s hair, gently pulling on the ends.  She watched as Blake bit her pink lower lip.  Brothers, she wanted to kiss her, but she was so tired.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you like it?” Blake asked, shutting off the water.</p>
<p>“Like what?  The apartment?  Pizza?  You?  All should be an obvious yes.”</p>
<p>Blake chuckled, handing Yang her towel.  “I meant my hair.”  </p>
<p>“It’s great!  I love it.  You look great, your hair looks great, it’s great.  You’re great,” she said, wrapping herself off in the towel before reaching to brush through her hair one more time.  She was grateful that the towel hid her blushing face as she bent over to wrap her hair up.  She straightened up with a smile.  “You look great.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.”  Blake’s cheeks were red, and it made her smile grow.</p>
<p>“But seriously.  You look great.”  She didn’t bother reattaching her arm, instead carrying it back into their bedroom and putting in on her nightstand.  They silently got into their pjs, and Yang revelled in the softness of the material against her skin.  She stretched the muscles of her back out, rolling her neck around her shoulders.  She let her hair down from its towel, roughly scrubbing at her scalp to get the majority of the water out of her hair.  </p>
<p>“Come here,” Blake said, already underneath the covers.</p>
<p>Yang shook her hair out, hanging her towels on the hooks.  Blake’s nose crinkled as some droplets hit her, but Yang was already crawling into bed beside her.  “Do you want me to hit the light?” she asked, hand wavering over the switch.</p>
<p>“Please,” Blake said.</p>
<p>Yang shut the lights off and pulled the duvet up over her.  She turned onto her side to face Blake.  She could just barely see her in the moonlight, but she knew Blake could see her.  “Hey, hey, Blake,” she said.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed!  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Twenty Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Uh, hi, everybody!  Sorry about the lapse in updates, this chapter really kicked my butt, and with everything going on, I really struggled to get this one out.  So, my apologies for the wait.  &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Blake?  Blake, talk to me!”</p>
<p>Blake’s eyes shot open, rapidly blinking as she took in Yang’s concerned features.  Her brain felt murky, her throat raw, and her brow was covered in sweat.  Yang was holding her by the shoulders, and Blake sat up into her embrace.  “What’s happening?” she asked, unsure of why her heart was trembling in her chest.  “What’s going on?”</p>
<p>Yang faltered, her shoulders slumping.  “You tell me,” she said.  Her brow was creased, and Blake didn’t miss how tight her voice was.  “You started shaking.”  Yang cradled her face.  “I think you were having a nightmare.  I got worried.”</p>
<p>“I was shaking?”  Her dream slowly started coming back to her in bits and pieces, and she sucked in a breath.  <em> Fuck </em>.  “I’m sorry for waking you up, I didn’t-”</p>
<p>“No, hey, don’t apologize,” Yang interrupted.  “It’s not your fault.  I’m glad you woke me up.  I was worried about you.  I <em> am </em> worried about you.”  Her brows knit together.  “Do you want to talk about it?”  </p>
<p>Blake’s throat closed up, but she nodded, leaning into Yang’s touch before drawing back.  She reached for the water she kept by her bedside and took a sip.  The water was cold and a relief to her dry mouth.  Yang rubbed her shoulders as she sipped.  “I had a dream about Adam,” she said quietly, staring at her lap.  </p>
<p>“Adam?” </p>
<p>She nodded.  “Yeah.  It’s stupid, it’s so fucking stupid.”  She snorted, wiping her face.  “It’s ridiculous.  It’s been ten years.  I should be over this by now.  I should be over him by now.  I shouldn’t still be having nightmares.  It’s stupid, and awful, and I hate it.”  Blake let out a breath.  “I hate that I still hate him.”</p>
<p>“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Yang asked while she kept rubbing her arms.  “You don’t have to.  But I’m here if you do.”  Her voice was soft and soothing to her racing heart.</p>
<p>“Yeah.”  She took a deep breath.  “I was running.  He was chasing me, and I was running, and he caught me.”  Blake closed her eyes.  “He caught me.”  The words echoed in her head, and all she could hear was her own shallow breathing.  “He hurt me.”  It was a blur in her mind, but she couldn’t bring herself to say what he had done to her in her dreams.  What she had feared he would do when they were together, after she had broken up with him.</p>
<p>“It’s so fucking stupid,” Blake continued, not opening her eyes.  “I should be over this by now.  I shouldn’t be waking up afraid because of him anymore.  I shouldn’t fear him anymore.”  Her voice faltered.  “I shouldn’t fear him anymore.”</p>
<p>“But you don’t, baby,” Yang said.  “You don’t fear him anymore.”</p>
<p>She sighed.  “Then why do I still have nightmares?”  Her shoulders crumpled inward, her hair moving to cover her face.  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  </p>
<p>Yang’s hand brushed the strands back behind her ears before cupping her face.  Blake looked up at her, meeting those soft lilac eyes.  There was no pity there, just concern and love.  “When was the last time you thought about him?” Yang asked.  </p>
<p>“I- I don’t know.  A while?”  </p>
<p>“When was the last time you heard his voice in your head?”</p>
<p>“I don’t remember.”  Something started to ease in her chest.</p>
<p>Yang nodded.  “He doesn’t rule your life.  Does he?”</p>
<p>“No.  No, he doesn’t.”  She sniffled.  “He doesn’t rule my life.  I do.”  Her shoulders sagged, and she leaned deeper into Yang’s touch.  “I just hate that he still fucks with my head.”</p>
<p>“He hurt you.  He hurt you badly.”  Yang’s hands were slow but sure.  “You’re allowed to be hurt, baby.  Fuck, I’d be worried if you weren’t hurt.  What he did was fucked up, and you deserved better than that.”  Yang brushed her hair from her face once more.  “But you’re strong, baby.  You’re stronger than him, and he doesn’t control you.”</p>
<p>“I hate that I feel like this.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know.”  </p>
<p>Blake clenched her eyes.  “I’m so happy, and he just comes in and ruins it.”</p>
<p>“He hasn’t ruined anything, baby.”  </p>
<p>“But-”</p>
<p>“But nothing,” Yang said, gentle but firm.  “You’re not ruined.  Okay?  You’re not ruined.  And I love you.  He is the worst, and nightmares are awful, but they don’t ruin anything.  We move past them.”  Yang’s fingers brushed her cheek.  “We move past them.  Adam hurt you, and you’re healed, but that doesn’t mean you don’t hurt, baby.”</p>
<p>“I just-”  She broke off, taking a deep breath.  “I just hate this.”</p>
<p>“I know.  I know.”  Yang took her into her arms, and Blake let herself fall into her embrace.  “I’m so sorry, Blake.”</p>
<p>“You have nothing to apologize for,” she said.  “Nothing.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry you went through that, and I’m sorry you’re hurting.”  Yang stroked her back.  </p>
<p>“Oh.”  Blake sagged.  She curled into Yang’s lap.  “Then, thanks.”  Yang hummed, wrapping her arms tighter around her.  Her throat thickened.  “Still.  I <em> am </em> sorry.  For waking you up.”  Her heart tightened in her chest.</p>
<p>“Do not,” Yang said.  “I’m glad you woke me up.  I don’t want you to be alone with this.”</p>
<p>“I know I’m not alone.”  She looked up at her.  “I have you.”</p>
<p>Yang smiled, brushing her fingers through her hair.  “You do,” she said.  “You have me.”</p>
<p>“And you have me.”</p>
<p>“I know.  But right now, I’m here for you.”  </p>
<p>Blake smiled.  It was a small smile, but it wasn’t forced.  She didn’t have to force it.  Not with Yang.  “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome.”  </p>
<p>Blake tucked her chin over Yang’s shoulder.  “I love you.”</p>
<p>“I love you too.”  Yang stroked her head.  “Do you want to go back to bed, or do you want me to make you a cup of tea?”  </p>
<p>“I can make myself a cup of tea.  You have work tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, so do you.”  Yang kissed her forehead.  “Come on.  Let’s go make some tea.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Honey, I’m home!” Yang called, her voice trilling throughout the apartment.  Blake bit back a laugh and smoothed her skirt.  “Where are you?”  She could hear the jangle of her keys as they hit the ceramic dish, the zip of her coat as Yang took it off, and she smiled shakily as she heard Yang come closer.  “What’s going-”  Yang stalled in the doorway.  “On?”</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said, standing up from the floor to greet her girlfriend with a kiss on the cheek.  “You’re home early.”  She had been lucky that she had been too impatient to wait to set everything up.  </p>
<p>“What’s all this?” Yang asked.  </p>
<p>Blake shrugged, ignoring the way her heart beat in her chest.  “I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you, and how much I love you,” she said.  “I thought it would be nice to do something special for you.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t have to-”</p>
<p>“But I wanted to,” she interrupted.  She placed a hand on Yang’s wrist and smiled.  “I wanted to thank you.”</p>
<p>“Thank me for what?”  </p>
<p>“For being an amazing girlfriend and for reminding me that I’m strong.”  She guided Yang onto the blanket she had set up and sat down.  “For taking care of me.  For loving me.  For being yourself, always.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to thank me for those things,” Yang said as she sat down.  “Not that I’m complaining, baby, but you don’t.”</p>
<p>“Again, I want to.”  She handed Yang a glass of wine and took a sip out of her own glass.  “So you’re going to sit there and let me thank you because I want to do this for you.  Alright?”</p>
<p>Yang saluted her.  “Aye, aye, captain!” she said.</p>
<p>Blake rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t resist the smile that tugged at the corners of her lips.  “Okay.  Okay.”  She grabbed her notebook from on top of the picnic basket she had packed and smoothed the page out.  “So, Yang Xiao Long, I love you.”  </p>
<p>“I love you too.”  Yang reached out to hold her hand, and Blake smiled as she tightened her grasp.  “I love you so much, baby.”</p>
<p>She took a deep breath and let Yang’s words fill her, let herself be convinced.  “I never thought I could deserve you.  I thought, for a very, very long time, that I could never be enough for you.  That I was ruined, that I gave up the right to my soulmate after Adam, that I was tainted.”  Her mouth curled around the bitter taste of the words, but she continued.  “You made me feel like I wasn’t, like I’m not.  You make me feel whole and decent and <em> good</em>.</p>
<p>“I love you because you let me love myself despite everything that’s happened.  I love you because you’re my other half.  I love you because you see my broken pieces and say I’m whole.  I love you because love has always been a burden for me, something to carry, and you take that burden and carry it with me.  I love you because you’re you.  I love you because I can’t imagine myself not loving you.”</p>
<p>Blake took another deep breath.  “Every day, I am surprised by how much I love you.  How much you love me.”  She squeezed her hand.  “And you let me love myself.  You don’t just give me permission, you force me to, and I will never be able to calculate how much I owe you because of that.  You make me love myself.</p>
<p>“I’m not broken.  But I only know that because of you.  I’m not ruined, or tainted, or anything but scarred because of Adam.  I’m not broken, I’m scarred, and I’m healed.  Because of you.”  Her throat thickened.  “And I know you’re going to say that I did all the hard work, you just gave me a push, or whatever, but without you, I would still think that Adam wrecked me.</p>
<p>“Last night, I had a nightmare.  You didn’t shy away from it, you didn’t leave me, you didn’t force me to be anything.  You met me where I was, and you took care of me.  Like you always do.  And I just, Yang, I need you to know how much I love and appreciate you.  Because you are my world, baby.”</p>
<p>She sniffed, not quite realizing when her eyes had become hot and teary.  “I love you, and I just need you to know that last night means so much to me.  You mean so much to me.”  She wiped at her face with her free hand.  “I know it’s not news to you, I know none of this is news, but it just hit me and I needed to tell you.  I hope that’s okay.”</p>
<p>“Baby, you’re more than okay,” Yang said.  Her voice was rough, and Blake looked up at her to see her lilac eyes clouded by tears. “I love you too, and you don’t have to thank me for loving you when you make it so easy.”  Yang brushed her hand against her face, the metal cool against her skin.  “You make it so easy to love you, Blake.  And I love loving you, and being your person.  All the things you mentioned, that’s just me loving you.  That’s just the bare minimum, and you deserve so much more than that.”</p>
<p>“But it’s not,” Blake said.  “The way you care, and the way you love is so far beyond the bare minimum.  You don’t know how to do the bare minimum, baby, it’s not who you are.  You love me the way you do everything.  With all of you.  And I love you for that.”</p>
<p>“I love you for accepting my all,” Yang said.  “For not being afraid of me.  For letting me be overwhelming and love you.”  </p>
<p>“You’re not overwhelming.”</p>
<p>“I can be.”</p>
<p>“You’re not overwhelming to me.”  She moved closer to Yang and kissed her cheek.  “You are my soulmate.  And you are perfect to me, perfect for me.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed!  Next chapter is the last chapter!!! \o/  It should be up in a few days, I'm not sure when, but I'm aiming for Sunday.  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Twenty Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh boy.  Thank you all for staying with me through this crazy journey of a fic.  It's definitely close to my heart, and I really loved writing it.  I hope you all have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.  There's more fics coming your way, so I hope you stick with me.  &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yang woke up in Blake’s arms.  She could feel Blake’s warm breath on her neck, and she pushed herself deeper into her arms, trying to not move too much as to not wake her girlfriend.  Her girlfriend.  Not for much longer, though.  Not if everything went to plan.</p>
<p>Normally, she would carefully detangle her body and limbs from Blake’s embrace and then start coffee for herself and tea for Blake.  And she would do that, but in a few minutes.  For once, she wanted to revel in bed.  She normally hated lounging about, but it had been getting harder and harder to leave the bed every morning when Blake was still in it.  </p>
<p>She blinked her eyes open, carefully surveying the position she found herself in.  Blake’s hips were pressed against her own, their legs carelessly threaded together, and Yang was on her side.  Her hair was everywhere, even in its ponytail, and she carefully tugged the strands free.  Blake groaned in her sleep before curling into Yang even more.</p>
<p>Yang rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth.  Blake could cuddle like no one else, and even sleeping, <em> especially </em> sleeping, she managed to snuggle like a pro.  Yang suspected that she was simply seeking heat and, given that Yang was a furnace, Blake’s brain decided that her body was the best warmer, but it wasn’t like she minded it.  She liked waking up in Blake’s arms.  She liked finding her girlfriend practically on top of her, even when she crushed her ribs.  She liked being held and holding her.</p>
<p>She straightened her legs out and carefully moved the blanket to get out of bed, but Blake clutched her tighter.  Yang huffed.  “So you are awake,” she said, flipping onto her other side to face Blake.  Her girlfriend smiled sheepishly, a sleepy motion that made her heart ache.  “And here I was, trying to be all stealthy.”</p>
<p>“It was very admirable,” Blake yawned.  Her hand tightened on Yang’s hip.  “Stay.”</p>
<p>“I need to start breakfast.”</p>
<p>“No breakfast, only sleep.”</p>
<p>“You’ll regret it later.”</p>
<p>“Five more minutes.”</p>
<p>“Five more minutes,” she agreed with an exaggerated sigh.  “But I mean five minutes.”  Blake’s eyes were already closed, but she was still smiling.  So was Yang, but she didn’t need to know that.  “I mean it, baby.  Five minutes.”  Her hand came to rest on Blake’s hip, and she gently stroked the exposed flesh with her thumb.  “How did you sleep?”</p>
<p>“Good,” Blake said.  “Stayed up too late, but good.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know,” she chuckled.  “You didn’t come into bed for ages.  I missed you.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.  I got sucked into paperwork.”</p>
<p>Yang leaned in and kissed her forehead.  “I’m just happy you got it done for this weekend.  We have all of today to ourselves.  We haven’t had that in ages.”  She had been waiting for a weekend where they didn’t have plans for weeks now, and she had carefully manipulated both of their schedules so it worked.</p>
<p>“I know.  It’s gonna be great.”  Blake’s eyes opened, still half lidded.  “I vote we order in tonight.  Total lazy day.”  She yawned again, her ears falling against the pillow.  “Maybe watch a movie, go for a walk, absolutely no cooking.  Total lazy day.”</p>
<p>“That sounds good.  But I promised I would make you breakfast,” she said.  “So maybe a little cooking.”</p>
<p>Blake’s nose scrunched up.  “What’re you making?”</p>
<p>“French toast.”</p>
<p>“Okay, maybe just a little cooking.”</p>
<p>Yang laughed.  “Just a little, huh?” she teased, running her foot down Blake’s calf.  “French toast works for you?  That’s okay?”  Blake was laughing, and Yang couldn’t stop herself from laughing either.  </p>
<p>“Yes, that’s more than okay!”  Blake’s eyes softened.  “You’re the best.”</p>
<p>“I know.  I am the best, aren’t I?”  Blake rolled her eyes.  Yang kissed her cheek and sat up.  “I’m gonna go start breakfast, because I think someone wants French toast more than she wants cuddles.”</p>
<p>“I always want cuddles,” Blake said.</p>
<p>“Yeah, but you also always want French toast, and we can cuddle more after breakfast.  Lazy day, remember?”  She stretched her shoulders out before reattaching her arm to her bicep.  “Chamomile or chai?”</p>
<p>“Chai, please.”</p>
<p>“Roger that.”</p>
<p>Yang flexed her right hand as she walked into the kitchen, adjusting to the familiar weight with ease.  She opened up the cabinet with all the pans and dug around for the one she was looking for.  She then drove her hand all the way back to the wall and pulled out the small black box she’d hidden there a few weeks ago.  She took a deep breath.  <em> Breathe, Yang.  Breathe. </em></p>
<p>She dropped the box into her pocket with a hum and started water for Blake’s tea before getting out their mugs.  Yang then started her own coffee before she got out her ingredients.  She had baked bread yesterday, and she had swirled the loaf with cinnamon and sugar.  Yang cut into it and started prepping the bread, reminding herself to breathe as she worked.</p>
<p>It was time.  It was time, and she was so ready.  They were ready.  They had been talking about marriage for the past year, and she knew Blake knew it was coming, but her girlfriend didn’t know how or when.  The details were all up to her.  Yang just hoped she had planned it right.  Her throat thickened, and she was all too aware of the weight of the box as she moved.</p>
<p>She put the slices of bread in the pan and started cooking it as the smell of coffee filled the air.  The tea kettle started to whistle, and she poured Blake’s tea.  </p>
<p>Tonight would be good.  It would be good, and it didn’t matter if it was perfect, because Blake loved her, and Yang loved Blake.  It would be good, and Blake would hopefully say yes.  Oh fuck, what if she didn’t like the ring?</p>
<p>Yang shook her head.  Blake would like it, and if she didn’t, they could design a ring together.  It was what she had wanted to do originally, but, for once, she had wanted to surprise Blake.  Just a little.  </p>
<p>“Smells good,” Blake said as she strode into the kitchen.</p>
<p>“Really?  I haven’t showered.”</p>
<p>Blake laughed, and some of the tension eased in her chest.  It would be good.  The nerves were worth it.  Blake was worth it.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“You look fancy,” Blake said, raising an eyebrow as she came out.  </p>
<p>Yang blushed, spinning around in her sunflower yellow dress and denim jacket.  “Oh, this old thing?” she asked, striking a pose.  She lowered her gaze, and her jaw dropped.  She rubbed the back of her neck and stared at Blake.  “You’re one to talk, baby.  You look… wow.”  Her mouth went dry as she took in the view.  Blake was wearing a belladonna purple halter dress, and she looked as beautiful and delicate as the flowers on her hip.  She swallowed hard.  “Wow.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Blake said.  Her cheeks were pink, and her ears were downturned against her silky hair.  “I guess we both felt like getting dressed up tonight, huh?”</p>
<p>“I guess,” she said, extending her arm for Blake to take.  “Neither of us are good at lazy days, to be fair.  I think we had to do something.”</p>
<p>“May I remind you of the weekend we didn’t get out of our pjs and just watched movies?” Blake said, locking the apartment door behind them.  “We were plenty lazy then.”</p>
<p>“True,” she said, letting her free hand check her pocket for the box.  Her heart was racing.  “But it’s spring.  The flowers are blooming, it’s beautiful out, I think we both wanted to do something nice tonight.”  The trees outside their apartment were flowering in shades of pink and purple, and the petals were falling on the street.  It was a quiet night, a beautiful night.  A perfect night.  “Do you want to head to the park?”</p>
<p>Blake smiled at her.  “You read my mind.”</p>
<p>Yang grinned back, trying to quell the nerves blooming in her chest.  “It’s my superpower,” she said lightly.  “Being able to read you.”  Blake elbowed her and rolled her eyes, but Yang didn’t miss the way that her blush crept up her ears.  </p>
<p>“It is,” Blake said softly.  “You always seem to know what’s on my mind before I do.”</p>
<p>“I’m magic.”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes you are.”</p>
<p>Yang blushed as they ducked underneath the archway of the gate entrance.  “But I don’t know, you’re pretty magic too.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?  How?”</p>
<p>“You have perfect handwriting.”  Blake snorted.  “What?  You do.  Much better than my chicken scrawl.”  She elbowed her ribs gently.  “And you are the best cuddler in the whole world.  That takes some magic.”  She carefully led Blake to the flowering tree by the pond, the tree that she knew would be covered in purple blossoms.  “You’re magic.”</p>
<p>“You’re magic.”</p>
<p>“How about we’re both magic?”</p>
<p>“Alright.”  Blake smiled at her, but something shifted over her face.  Yang watched as she took a deep breath.  They were almost there, and her own heart raced in her chest.  “Baby, I love you.”  </p>
<p>They were beneath the purple branches.  Yang sucked in a breath, reveling in the floral air.  “I love you too.” Yang smiled and nervously reached into her pocket.  “Baby, I-”</p>
<p>Blake got down on one knee.  She smiled up at her, a shaky curve of her lips.  “Surprise?” Blake said, pulling out a small black box and holding it in the palm of her hand.</p>
<p>Yang sucked in a breath as tears threatened.  “Blake?” she heard herself ask.  Her voice was wobbly and soft.  Her own hand was stuck in her pocket, clasped around the box.  Blake was still smiling up at her, although Yang could see the nerves shining through in her face.  </p>
<p>“Yang Xiao Long,” Blake began, biting her lip.  “I love you.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I want to be your soulmate and your partner and your wife.  I love you, so much, and I’ve imagined this moment over and over again in my head, and I love you.  I cannot imagine my life without you in it.”</p>
<p>Tears started to drip down her cheeks.  She couldn’t speak.</p>
<p>“Will you marry me?” Blake asked, snapping open the box in her palm.  </p>
<p>Yang just stared at her as she started to cry.  Tears poured down her cheeks, but she was smiling.  “Yes,” she said shakily.  “Yes, a thousand times yes.”  She wiped at her face and let out a laugh.  “I love you so much.”</p>
<p>Blake slid the ring, her ring, onto her finger.  Yang didn’t bother looking at it before she enveloped Blake in a kiss, pulling her girlfriend, no, <em> fiance </em> to standing.  She wrapped her arms around her, holding her face as she kissed her.  When they broke apart, she leaned her forehead against hers.  “I love you so much,” Yang breathed.</p>
<p>Blake smiled at her, tears starting to trickle down her cheeks.  “I love you too.”</p>
<p>Yang smiled, and then she laughed.  “But dammit, baby, you couldn’t have let me gone first?”  Blake’s confusion was worth it as she got down onto one knee.  She let out a half-sob as Blake’s hands covered her mouth.  “You kind of stole my thunder, baby.”</p>
<p>Blake laughed, a sound more hiccup than anything, but she kept going.  “I love you.  And you said it so much better than I could have.  You are my soulmate, but I want you to be my wife.  I want to wake up next to you every day.  I want to love you for the rest of our lives.  I want to be your wife.”  She cleared her throat and snapped the box open.  “So, Blake Belladonna, will you be my wife?”</p>
<p>“Yes.  Yes, yes, yes!” Blake said.  Yang quickly slid the ring onto her finger before standing up and capturing her lips once more.  Her mouth was soft and sweet, a sensation Yang would never get used to.</p>
<p>They broke apart, but they were still holding hands.  “What are the odds we both wanted to propose tonight?” Blake asked, wiping her cheeks.</p>
<p>Yang shrugged, unable to tear her gaze from Blake’s face.  “I have no idea, but I don’t care.  It’s funny as fuck.”  Blake laughed.  Yang let her gaze soften.  “I love you so much.”</p>
<p>“I love you too.”  Blake smiled at her, but she was biting her lip once more.  “What do you think of the ring?”</p>
<p>Yang’s eyes darted down to her hand.  Her throat thickened.  It was a beautiful golden band, with amber in the center and diamond on either side of the dark yellow gem.  It glinted in the streetlights, and the stone looked like it was ablaze.  It was sharp and soft and absolutely lovely.  It was hers.  Her breath caught in her throat, and all she could do was nod.</p>
<p>“So you like it?” Blake asked.</p>
<p>“I love it,” she said.  “It’s perfect.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?”  Blake’s brows knit together.  “I just saw it and instantly thought of you, but if you don’t like it-”</p>
<p>“I’m sure.  I love it.”  She lifted her hand and smiled as she got a closer look.  “What do you think of your ring?”</p>
<p>They both stared at the golden band on Blake’s finger.  Yang had spent hours agonizing over it, finally settling on a dainty band of opal and pearl.  The embedded white opal leaned towards purple in the light, almost the same color as the belladonnas on her hip, and she had known that it was the only option.  </p>
<p>Her eyes flicked up to take in Blake’s awe-struck face.  “The pearls are from off the coast of Menagerie,” she said quietly.  “I wanted to give you something to remind you of home.”</p>
<p>Blake looked up at her.  “You are my home.”  Yang smiled, tears threatening to start anew.  Blake snorted and started wiping her eyes once more.  “Brothers, that’s so cheesy, but it’s true.  You are my home, Yang.”</p>
<p>“So you like it?”</p>
<p>“It’s perfect.”</p>
<p>Relief blossomed in her chest.  “Good.  That’s so good, baby.”  She couldn’t stop smiling.  “This is so good.”  She reached for Blake’s hands once more.  “We’re engaged.  We’re engaged.”  She kissed her once more, a quick one, before leaning back and shouting, “We’re engaged!”</p>
<p>There was no one around to hear her, but Blake was blushing.  Her fiance was blushing, but she was smiling, and that was what mattered.  “We’re engaged,” Blake repeated.  “You know what this means, right?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“We’re getting married.”</p>
<p>Yang beamed.  “We’re getting married!”</p>
<p>And then they both were bent over, laughing and smiling and together.  They were together.  </p>
<p>Maybe they were a little scarred, a little broken.  Maybe the path to their present had been rocky and hard and hopeless at times.  Maybe their edges were hard.  But Blake was her soul’s mate, her other half, her fiance, and she was full of softness.  She made Yang feel alive.  They were happy together, whole, and that was all that mattered.  </p>
<p>Yang stared into Blake’s golden eyes, and she knew.  She knew it had all been worth it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that's a wrap!  &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you're curious about the next chapter or want to yell at me, my tumblr is softlighter!  Have a good day!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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